Such an interesting question. I didn't really "know" until she was 5, when we had her tested (WISC-IV) by Educational Psychologist that specialized in Gifted Education.
Of course everything made sense then. But I think you know when you have to know. My daughter had gone to an amazing montessori preschool starting at age 2. They let her teach herself to read and write and spell before she was 3 years old. They never drew any unnecessary attention to her "giftedness". The social and emotional support they gave her made her seem and feel that she was always right where she should be even though, looking back, she was light years ahead of children her own age. It was also a mixed age classroom so she had children 2 and 3 years older than her which kept her engaged socially. There was no reason for us to think she was anything except, exactly what and where she should be. They always let her go as far as she needed to, to be satisfied and challenged. They even let her go to the upper elementary to pick up new, more advanced materials in reading, writing science, math, etc. Nothing was age based.
When we sent her to a Private Independent school that claimed to be "rigorous" and promised to "challenge each child at his or her own level" in Kindergarten, we thought we had picked the "perfect" school for our child. We assumed she would be ahead of most the kids as she always had been and that the teacher would differentiate according. We were sooo wrong. By December I thought I would have to pull her out and return to Montessori. She was extremely depressed, yet according to the teacher "the top of the class". The teacher described our child as someone I had never met. She had isolated herself socially, stopped doing the work even though it was things she had mastered at 3 or 4 years old. She had developed severe insomnia. She asked to go to ANY other school except her own and withdrawn herself in every area of her life.
The teacher literally was perplexed at how to engage our child. We then had her tested for her grade level which was 3rd grade month 9 which is essentially a 4th grade level. The teacher was trying to "challenge" our child with 1st and 2nd grade material when she had mastered through grade 3. At that point I HAD to KNOW. Was she really "gifted"? Although at this point we were not surprised that she was gifted but we were surprised at how highly gifted she was. She tested over 4 deviations above the norm and was Profoundly Gifted. I would say at that point we "knew". Meaning, we finally "got it" with our daughter. There is such a big difference between moderately gifted and profoundly gifted. If we had gone on assuming that she was just regular "gifted" we would have never "got it", like we do now.
Looking back after all the research, reading, and education I have done now, if I would have known all that I know now, I would have "known" much earlier. Like when she walked at 9 months. When she showed her pediatrician at 18 months the difference between numbers and letters. When she spelled the words cat, hat, mat, and sat when she was 3 and then read them back and explained the "at" family word pattern. I guess I could have "known" then. But I didn't need to know because before Kindergarten she had everything she needed and more. As long as your child has what they need and are getting academic, social and emotional support above and beyond what they need, labels and testing are irrelevant. Once you need that info to advocate and make decisions based on that information--I highly recommend getting that information so that you can advocate accurately and with confidence as we have been able. But only when you need that information. Based on what we learned we were able to do a full grade skip and it has been life changing for our daughter.
I hope that perspective helps.
Allison
