Dbat, I would NOT advise setting up a program where something (points, whatever) is lost. Losing points is really sad. You want something that feels positive, not punitive.
I know you are not comfortable with the diagnoses she's been given, but they may be useful to you in getting resources to work on this. We got special ed teacher support in the classroom for the precise collection of projects you're working on; it took pressure off the teacher and allowed for much more consistent reinforcement, and better learning of those skills. This is the thing that made the most difference for DS.
DS has had a variety of systems over the years; when he was first developing these skills he needed immediate positive reinforcement for extremely well defined goals. (i.e. "We need you to sit still on your rear and keep your eyes facing the teacher for five full minutes; if you do that, you'll get a plus, which translates to X small reward" -- and write the plus in the planner OR give the reward immediately, as MON suggested). We preferred inschool rewards to out of school rewards, because they could be delivered immediately (we kept the teachers stocked). The immediacy is important, so that doing the desired thing feels worth while.
Now, in 5th grade, we have moved to an assessment at the end of the day as to whether he met his classroom behavior goals, and the reward is delivered at home immediately after school. It's a long checklist, he has every item on it memorized, so he knows the goals well. There's been a lot of progress.
HTH
DeeDee
