Hi TT
With DS6, I too was worried about the performing, and relationships with peers. In Pre-k he had a terrible time with the other kids, always wanting to be in charge. His response at the time was that what they wanted to do was boring and his play was better. He tells people obscure things, because "don't they want to know them!" In K in a gifted school, I noticed his play was more turn taking, there was more conversation with peers. In social settings where he is uncomfortable because it's new or where it's showcase something he isn't good at, he had a tendency to become performing fact man. Now that the kids are demanding he perform on cue, not so much fun, so we had a chat about saying, I think it's someone else's turn. But even at his gifted school, there is a real acknowledgement that he knows more than they do, and he interprets it as he should share his stuff so they know it too. And in both prek and K there was a fascination with his story telling because he creates fully developed worlds. But he is just now learning to invite them in to the world and allow them to actively participate - meaning add to it - rather than just be passive. But my sense is that most kids his age are not creating at his level of depth so he finds it boring to let go the control. But when someone is doing that he is plenty willing to follow rather than lead.
We saw this with his 2-5 years older cousins. They accept him completely for who he is and play with him but since they are older they don't tolerate him being in control. But I don't even think he notices that it is back and forth, and he even follows some of the time. So I would add to DeeDee's always good advice, what does she do with real peers, not age mates, or older kids if no real or approximate peers. And I second DeeDee's telling you to do what you need to do for both your sanity and her development. We have realized, probably a little later than we should have
that allowing DS to dominate discussions, play, etc is not good for him or us. First it's the we are the adults factor, not a plaything, and second, it's the modeling social skills factor. So I will tell him later, not now, I'm reading, etc.
But I know what you mean about the social mistakes, DS has made some that just make me cringe, and worry about his social life. But some of the stuff the other kids do are equally cringe worthy - they aren't all innately skilled socially - although there seems to be a higher standard for girls, or a lower quirkiness standard!
DeHe
