Just wanted to share my son's story in the hopes of encouraging you.
My DS went to pre-k at 3 yo and it was much like you described, disinterest in age-peers, hitting, kicking at times. My boy disliked the 'arts/crafts' bit, he was bored by it and has always wanted activities with a tangible purpose/job or complex pretend play. He actually was disorganized and frustrated seeming at times. His behavior perplexed the teachers and frustrated everyone, including my son.
Fast forward to NOW...he entered his 2nd year of pre-k this past fall, and somehow something had just 'jelled' for him neuro or behavior-wise. He has control over his hands, emotions, he waits and attends, his teachers are amazed at his high level of empathy, and I am relieved.
So, there is the hope that some of your LO's current school issues may disappear or lessen as your LO matures. I had a wise friend who is a Pre-K director in another state and the parent of 3 gifted girls remind me that although my LO is gifted, he is STILL only 3 yo emotionally, and he just couldn't hold all of his pre-k angst together last year.
In addition, my LO has some psychomotor OE, he is incredibly intense, I now realize he is also very sensitive, but he just didn't show/verbalize things as well at 3. He is an only child who was in a quiet home, and then thrust into a class with 8 other kids, and he was possibly affected by more sensory stim than he was used to! ALSO, during the summer in between both years, I made it a point to get him a sitter with some kids older and younger so he would work out more social rules- he has always preferred adults, but he needed to learn how to be with kids, IYKWIM??
Anyway, I just wanted to throw my experiences out there in case anyone can glean something useful.
Bottom line- maybe your LO just needs more time to grow into his big cognitive skills, and ? if asynchronous dev is what was the problem for my bright active sweet boy?
PS- he's doing great now, the teachers LOVE having him in class and find him a 'non-issue'. Last year he was THAT kid and head on tackler. Go figure!
Keep your eyes on the prize, don't give up, and wish us luck in full-day kindergarten next year!!!
PPS- Montessori wouldn't have worked well for him, he's just too individual and thrives with structure/framework...
