To me its like he has "brain snaps". One minute he can be really good & the next minute he is pushing boundaries or doing things he shouldnt be. There doesnt seem to be anything in particular except boredom that sets him off.
The fact that you can't get him to stop 'coming after you' with a 'because I said so' is an example of him not demonstrating trust in adult guidance. When my son way young he was the same way, and I empathized and thought it was fine. Problem was that when puberty hit his logical reasoning went out the window for a few years, but he still wanted a logical explaination. Unfortunately the logical explaination no longer made sense to his hormone-adled brain. Ut - oh!!!
So we worked first on 'taking No for an answer' - we praised any bit of faith or trust he demonstrated and made a big fuss. Eventually he internalized himself as someone strong enough to live with the irrationality of life. I'm so pleased, because even if I could manage to be completely rational at all times, guess what? I can't manage all the adults he needs to interact with to get them to follow my lead.
So yeah, I do think gifted kids need to learn to 'take no for an answer' and it's fine to give an explaination at times, at OUR discretion because we find it interesting, not because we fear the barage of push back that we know will follow a 'because I said so.'
But that isn't the place to start, because we have kids for whom breaking the rules is interesting, in and of itself - which is why I highlighted the bordome comment - and if there is a lot of upset (obvious loud yelling or the quieter, more subtle worry) some of our kids find this a positive reinforcer also - remember Captian Kirk saying that even a tormentor was better than being alone with the tantalus beam?
www.startrek.com/database_article/dagger-of-the-mindCached - Similar
Star Trek Dagger of the Mind. ... When Dr. Simon van Gelder of the psychiatric staff at the Tantalus Penal Colony escapes to the U.S.S. Enterprise exhibiting ...
So even upsetting you is better than being alone with boredom for a child that has high capasity for learning about the world. You may find that you like intensity too - I did anyway.
So the place to start is to give recognition to the micro-positives and give enough healthy stimulation that there is less of a need for any stimulation at all. The 'transforming' book explains all of this in more detail. You are worth following and worth expecting to be followed. I think that inside every 'That isn't fair/That isn't right' sort of kid, there are the emotionals of a child who really would be happier being 'out of the job' of being on alert for injustice. Better to submit to the idea that the world isn't fair, but that you have the inner strength to live with that just fine.
Hope this makes sense, and hope even more that it actually helps. I know that every kid is different. Keep posting and let us know what you figure out!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
