Thanks for all the referrals - I'm very familiar with "The Explosive Child" and have "Different Minds" on my nightstand right now. And we are currently filling out the paperwork for the Gifted Development Center in Denver to get a consultation started, thank you SO much for that referral!
DeeDee - he tries really hard to relate to other kids. He spent 2 days over Thanksgiving break watching "Power Rangers" because that's what his "best friend" at school is in to. But it's so not him! He'd rather watch "How It's Made" but he sat through several cartoons because he wanted to be able to talk with his friend about it. He plays games with the other kids at school, like Star Wars, even though he doesn't know what it's about - he just wants to be part of the group. So he's not a loner, but I think he's very much aware of how different he is. The kids he's gotten along with best in the past are either a year or 2 younger that he can boss around, or 4-5 years older that he can talk to on THEIR level. On the compliance issue - I never have to give a lengthy explanation, just a logical one (usually, the simpler the better). For example - we had planned to go to a local jumpy place last Friday as a reward for him having a good week at school. We had talked about it all week. When Friday came around, I had had a long day and was tired, so I told him we could go on Saturday instead. He asked "Whyyyy???? You said we could go today!" and I told him I was tired, so he could go today and jump for an hour, or go on Saturday after I rested and jump for 2 hours. He says "We'll go Saturday!" and the discussion was over. ALL potential arguments are like this. I can change plans at any time and as long as I provide a reason that makes sense, he's fine with it.
HoneyBadger (LOVE LOVE LOVE the name, btw) - he was initially diagnosed as ADHD at age 4 by a child psychiatrist. She prescribed Adderall and he was on it for one week with no behavioral changes and horrible side effects, so I said enough. We decided to pursue other options instead - we started the Feingold diet (no artificial colors or preservatives) and within 3 months, the hyperactivity was gone and she said he no longer fit the clinical definition of ADHD and we were pretty much shoved out the door with an "that's all I can do, sorry!" We took it further and removed casein (dairy), gluten and soy. In doing so, we eliminated all tantrums, pushing/bumping into other kids and objects, aggression, and his eczema. We tested all 3 back in after about 6 months - the casein reaction was immediate (mother of all meltdowns) but he seemed to do ok with gluten and soy. Then on day 3 of testing, the school called us to ask what we did to the kid since he was out of control. We took them back out of his diet, he went back to his cheerful self. Interestingly, the misdiagnosis book I read said 30-40% of gifted kids have food sensitivities (specifically listed were food dyes, gluten, dairy and soy!) that result in behavioral issues. Another problem solved!
I DO agree that it's not about the labels - it's about treating the issues. But there is also the line regarding what IS or is NOT an issue. If my DS has poor handwriting because of poor fine motor skills that comes with the Aspergers, then by all means, he should be in therapy. But if he has poor handwriting because he's simply gifted and most gifted kids have poor handwriting because it's not important to make it nice and pretty, then it's a trait and not necessarily something to correct. He seems to have no issues coordinating his little fingers in building small circuitry sets in his room for hours on end. The same with inattentiveness - when the class is reading BOB books during storytime and he keeps wandering, yet he just finished his 4th Lemony Snicket book while sitting perfectly still in his bedroom for half the day, maybe it's not ADHD, but boredom?
What I'm basically seeking is a second opinion of a diagnosis, which I think any parent would do if this were a physical ailment. I haven't pulled him out of any therapy, we'll continue to do so because what he is currently doing is no harm, no foul. But I also don't want to be sitting here 3 years down the road, kicking myself because his issues have worsened and I knew in my gut that we weren't pursuing the right treatment - whether it is indeed therapy for Aspergers, or getting him into a more challenging school environment. I'd rather get it right the first time if I can!
