Oh, and Dude, so interesting that once you talked with your DD it turned out that the guitar frustration was secondary to the school one which she had not previously mentioned. I wonder,actually, if something happened at school to precipitate this morning's meltdown.
In DD's case, just about everything ties back to school, because she was such a happy, well-adjusted kid before she started <sigh>.
In your son's case, I can see why the act of tying his shoe would be directly related to the problem, because he has a realistic expectation that he should be able to accomplish that on his own at that age. Add in the fact that he's doing OT, which sends a message "Something is wrong with you," and I could see why he'd be frustrated specifically about shoe-tying.
But there's probably more to it than that. It's always possible kids are teasing him about it in school. And there's definitely a possibility something else about school is making him feel bad about himself, too. So it's probably worth exploring.
I also love that you are learning guitar along with your daughter. That seems like a great way to model the kinds of approaches we've discussed here. I wonder if I can come up with something we both want to learn. I have on occasion let him teach me things, chess for example, which he loves and I never truly learned how to play. In those situations, though, he just seems to be amused by my shortcomings rather than being inspired by my persistence! lol
Indeed, and one of my first reactions to her outburst was to pick up my own guitar and play the piece she was working on, which I did to the best of my limited ability, and ask her to count the mistakes. Then I picked another piece that she wasn't working on yet and which I had committed to memory, and again asked her to count the mistakes. There were plenty, both times.
She also gets to see me pick up my guitar and practice on my own almost every day, so there's more modeling. I LOVE that she's taking guitar lessons, because it's a perfect tool for teaching her perseverance.
Another venue for modeling this kind of behavior is video games. DD and I were playing Super Smash Bros. in co-op mode this weekend, and there were naturally points where we failed. She'd get frustrated, and I'd say, "Let's just try it one more time, we'll get through this eventually." And then, we did.
I wouldn't necessarily say it has to be something you're both interested in learning/doing (though that doesn't hurt) if you want to model the right behavior. You could pick something you're interested in learning but he isn't, as long as it's one of those things where you're bound to make lots of mistakes. And then, of course, let him see you making mistakes, and not reacting poorly to them.
