Thank you, lucounu, for the great references. I have read some of them, but it is great to have them all in one place. And, I reminded myself today that I need to remember to talk with him about these things at other times when he is calm so that when he is prepping for a meltdown maybe we can get some perspective. It is just that in that moment of frustration, I have such a hard time talking him down from the tower, so to speak. And I worry that I am saying the wrong things and actually making things worse. It seems like no matter how much I say its ok to make mistakes, to not do everything perfectly the first time, it doesn't seem to break through, at least in those moments. I am thinking what I need to do is really sit down with him when he is not upset and go through what he was feeling and see if we can come up with something that will remind him in the moment that things aren't so bad.
This:
"Explain that a child may not be learning if all of her work is perfect, and that making mistakes is an important aspect of challenge. "
has been really important to my DD this year as, for the first time, she encounters work she doesn't always instantly get right. I shared this way of thinking with her and it was like she honestly had no idea that getting everything right every single time might mean she isn't learning very much. I've really seen a shift in her thinking because of it.
I brought this up with DS tonight and he seemed to be open to the idea. I am hopeful that if we can reinforce this idea some more, maybe he will be willing to take more risks.
