Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Dealing with Perfectionism + Emotional Intensity

So my DS8 is just now learning to tie shoes due to a fine motor skill delay that we only recently recognized (I thought he was just being obstinate about doing certain things, turns out it was because they were hard!). He is in OT and has made a lot of progress, so we bought him a pair of tie shoes for school.

Fast forward to this morning when we are trying to get out the door for school and he is having difficulty with the laces (I think because he was trying to hurry). He asked for help and I quickly tied it for him (oops!) and then the full on melt down began. "I'm so dumb I'm in second grade and can't even tie my shoes!" "When you do it for me, you're saying I'm too dumb to do it myself!" "I am going to have a terrible day now!" "I hate everything in the world now." Me: "Even (your baby brother, who he adores)?" "Well, everything but him. And our family."

By the time we got to school it had mostly passed, but what to do in these situations? He thinks that he should be able to do everything right away with little practice. And that if someone else can do something that he can't or is hard for him, then he's "dumb" or "the worst". DH thinks this is just him being dramatic for attention, but I don't (ok maybe occasionally but definitely not in the example above). I think it is the fateful combination of perfectionism and emotional intensity. Anyone have experiences/ideas on how to help your kid work through these feelings and keep their self esteem intact?