Hi Karen -
Welcome.
My son also test high, on IQ, sensitivity, and extroversion. I keep telling myself that "at least he doesn't suffer in silence - who knows how much damage could have been done if he were complaint by nature?"
Step One
You don't say how old your son is, but if he's young enough (7 or less?) I would strongly urge you to find an Occupational therapist who is well versed in sensory integration and has a compatible personality (well-versed in gifted is probably too much to ask, but would be nice)and get him some OT. If you have medical insurance, they may help. Once your private OT sees him, she/he may be able to write a letter to your school and get OT during school hours as well. Amazingly the school gave him 2 half hours of small group OT/PT for 6 months in addition to his private OT when he didn't have any "agreed upon" diagnosis. It worked wonders. I'm grateful that I was ignorant of Gifted Issues at the time because I might have passed it off as "normal for gifted." Afterall, I had been passing it all off as "normal for our family," for 7 years - LOL!
do I think that he actually had Sensory Integration Disorder seperate from Gifted Oversensitivities? No, but who can tell? All I know is that it was totally worth the money, time and aggravation.
I'd also reccomending reading Ayer herself. Some OTs depart from her teachings in ways that penalize gifted kids. For example - Ayer believed that children intutivly knew which activities they need to do to heal. By contrast, our OT, a very kind and sweet woman overall, wanted DS10, then age 7, to comply with her agenda based on her assesment. I was just happy to be able to go into our local family style Chinese Resturant again!
Step 2 -
The friendship thing. Join local gifted support group and try to set up playdates with other kids of similar interests, so that he gets to spend at least some social time with a peer. Look for mixed age groups - music, reptile whe he can participate without age sorting. (If he doesn't play an instrument get him started. Also keyboarding if he doesn't yet.) Look for Adults, including family members who have friendship potential. It's not uncommon for gifted kids to have a parent be their best friend - not easy, but worthwhile.
Step 3 -
Change the school environment. Start meeting homeschoolers even if you never will homeschool as a way to meet other parents of gifted kids. Look hard at finances/private schools. Don't say a word about the possible diagosises when you are shopping for private schools. They do their own assesments and draw their own conclusions.
Step 4 -
If you think that there is a 2E issue, explore it further: "Dual Diagnosis and MisDiagnosis" by Webb is a good basic book. You may want to get started on the testing "wheel of fortune." Personally I'd explore private school/homeschooling first because many of the labels only matter in the particular context your child finds himself in. (ADHD, oppositional) OTOH Auditory Processing and Visual Processing issues are worth checking out if they seem likely.
Here's a link to a really cute lecture on Giftedness as a Disability in and of itself:
http://www.mislabeledchild.com/midas%20touch%20final.pdf Write back and say how old he is, what the school is suggesting, what his friendships are like outside of school, what alternative school situations are on the horizon.
Remember - this takes time, you can't do it all at once. If you think that you should be able to fix it all now, take a look at your own personal relationship with perfectionism - LOL!
Love and More Love ('cause that's what it takes)
Trinity
