http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204479504576638950410953960.htmlAmbitious Parents, Mellow Children:
Driven Type A's Often Struggle To Raise Type B Kids
by SUE SHELLENBARGER
Wall Street Journal
OCTOBER 19, 2011
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When parents and children are temperamental opposites, the results can be explosive. Type A parents, driven by nature, often have to ease up on Type B kids, who are more dreamy and mellow. When the pattern is reversed, relaxed Type B parents often feel outpaced by revved-up Type A offspring. These matchups can cause conflict beyond the normal parenting challenges, and solutions may require parents to adjust expectations and tactics.
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People of either personality type can be fine parents. Effective parenting balances high expectations with warmth and emotional support, says Reginald Richardson, vice president for evaluation and clinical services at Northwestern University's Family Institute. Research on Western societies links such "authoritative parenting" with fewer behavior problems, higher academic achievement and less depression and anxiety.
Lisa Jacobson sees many Type A parents at the 150-employee tutoring company she founded, Inspirica, in New York. "If you're a Type A parent with a Type A kid, it's pretty simple. You speak the same language," she says. "Type B parents with a Type A child are amazed at the child they spawned. They'll call us and say, 'We want a tutor who is going to just calm her down.' "
Problems arise, though, when "drive trumps compassion" and Type A parents push their kids too hard, criticizing them when they are already doing their best or piling on unreasonable demands, Ms. Jacobson says. Still, she adds, a little push can work. After graduation, many students say "they are glad their parents pushed them one level up from where they would have been."
When they are young, children of parents who push too hard may try to conform to parental pressure, Northwestern's Dr. Richardson says. But eventually they may "feel their parents don't accept who they are" and rebel, misbehave or turn inward and become anxious or depressed.
Jim Lin, of Los Angeles, a business-development director for a software company, was raised by an ambitious Tiger Mom. He grew up consumed with homework, learning Chinese, piano and violin. He is competitive, so the approach suited him in some ways, and he graduated from Harvard. "I realized my parents' dreams," he says. But it wasn't until college that he discovered his passion for martial arts.
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I wonder if the concepts of type A and type B personalities are reliable -- does a personality test such as the MMPI identify such people?
I think parents overestimate how much they can mold their children, which argues for type A's not imposing their will on type B's.
