Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Question about Grade Skipping/ Maturity

I agree completely with the posters who've said the crying might have more to do with intensity/sensitivity than with maturity. My DS6 started kindergarten a year early and still cries sometimes in first grade, but he's also a self-critical perfectionist who really takes things to heart. I see this all as part of the gifted package, but even my husband will occasionally tell my son he's too old to be crying over something, so I wouldn't expect a lot of teachers to know the difference between the two. I think it helps if, when a teacher brings up crying, you say something like, "Yeah, he has really strong emotions." It might help him/her look at things in a new way.

My dd5, skipped K to grade 1, cries pretty much everyday at school - either because she worries she's done the wrong thing or that she has missed something important or because she can't decide whether she wants to play with her friends or on the play equipment (looking for the best choice...sigh) and then misses out on doing both. She cries when there is something she find scary in a class video... I could go on. I am very fortunate that the teacher has recognised this as sensitivity rather than immaturity and has some work arounds in place (another trusted kid to give her a hug, etc) - or just expects her to get on with it in some cases, which I think is equally valid at certain times.

At home we're working on realising that every moment can't be perfect and her behaviour can't always be perfect (currently she says she feels guilty whenever she overreacts - so now we're focussing on understanding she shouldn't feel ashamed of her behaviour and look at some other choices she could make in the future). DD is also very conscious of wanting events to work out 'just so' and making sure she follows 'the rules'. So we're having lots of conversation about having to make the best of the moment as it is, otherwise life is going to be pretty disappointing (so few perfect moments). My goodness... sometimes I'm spent by 8am and we haven't even got out the door... sorry I went off on my own tangent.

I know it's been touted on this board a bit recently, but the Living with Intensity book is great and worth a read, even just to get an idea of where their thinking can be at.

I'm very grateful for the advice. I live in a rural area, and I've never met anyone with a child who has skipped a grade. You have given me so much to consider!

I think you have to consider each child's individual personality when making the decision on whether or not to skip.
I have 2 gifted children.
My eldest skipped 1st grade and was much happier. He is now in a 3rd grade gifted class and doing well overall. The work is not hard for him at all and he loves being challenged. However, he is not as good at listening/focusing as the older kids and gets tired quicker. Also, his fine motor skills are not as developed - this makes a big difference when trying to keep up with written activities.
My second child is also gifted - reading at fifth grade level in kindergarten. However, I would not dream of letting her skip a grade. She is not as mature or motivated and does not particularly like working! She does spend half the day in 1st grade for reading. The teacher there is great at working with kids of differing abilities and my plan is just to have my daughter spend next year with her full time.
Having gifted children is really hard work. You have to find teachers who are willing to be flexible and communicate frequently with you.
Good luck!

Tonight DS5 expressed frustration that first grade is way too easy. He seems annoyed that he's having to do kindergarten and first grade work and not learning anything from either. This makes my decision concerning the appropriate grade for next year much easier. I can't imagine not putting him second regardless of the social/maturity issues. I'm new to this, and it's strange to think a child can skip an entire grade and not be academically challenged at all. I thought a grade skip would solve his academic problem, but it's tough realizing that it may not make much difference. Since second grade has a strong focus on AR reading, I think he will benefit from that next year. I am considering enrolling him in a math online course as well so he is also challenged in math.

I would appreciate any suggestions of an online math course that would be user friendly enough he could do with little assistance at school (if one exists :-) )

I think for the younger kids and for supplemental work, Aleks.com is great for math. Not particularly expensive, they can work at their own pace, good interface, good reporting, etc.

It may be the grade he's at. We found the grade skip to be somewhat more beneficial than it sounds like your ds would but I think that was b/c dd was skipping the end of elementary to enter middle school early and there is a lot more tracking of students in middle school and a much larger pool of students to choose from (about 300 per grade) so the likelihood of dd finding intellectual peers was greater. It is unfortunate the that early elementary years can be such a waste for gifted kids.

We did actually find 2nd and 3rd grade to be much better for dd12 than was 1st but I think that part of that was dd's 2nd grade teacher who was great and didn't make her do repetitive work, AR, etc. She kind of did her own stuff. In 3rd grade she went to a really good 4th grade class for part of the day as well. Would a grade skip coupled w/ subject acceleration be an option?