Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Hi I'm Back...I REALLY need you

I came here a few months ago...I have what I suspect is a HG/PG 10 y/o boy based on Ruf scale and what you all thought when I described my son.

I have made decisions because they had to be made. I need help finding a counselor that KNOWS these kids.
Decisions made:
I will be homeschooling DS next school year. I have done extensive research and the curriculum is coming together. DS is fine with it.

Things that have happened, since my last posting.
DS is still at the Private Catholic School, he is bored out of his mind, and he is in the 5th grade. He still comes home and does his own research on school topics (plus other topics of interest).

He is starting to get into trouble...but it's not what you think. He has corrected the teacher on more than one occasion. She gets her facts mixed up; she has been a respected teacher in that grade level for a very long time.
She has yelled at him for this. She has also told him that he gets too complex in his answers and that she doesn't want a HS answer that he is just confusing the class.
They are learning American History. They learned about the Northern colonies but skipped the Southern Colonies. DS asked how she was going to explain the Civil War...
He corrected her grammar, my son sucks at grammar.
My son hates her...He has never ever hated ANYTHING or ANYONE in his life. His personality has changed...
He is different and not in a positive sense.

Last week he started telling me that he is done with this world, that kids don't "get him"...He said that no one understands him and that he is too different. He didn't believe me that there are lots of children like him. He knows about TIP/EPGY/CTY because he is part of it, but he is still too young to participate in there "overnight" stuff.
He knows kids are out there, but he has yet to meet them. I started joining yahoo groups and homeschool groups to get them ready for next school year.
I also have a DD 7 who is VERY bright she is a young 2nd grader (just turned 7) their school does their IOWA testing in Sept instead of May. She did very well in LA 99% and reading comp was 98% she reads at a 4-5 grade level. She is NOT gifted she is very bright. You get that when you actually have a HG/PG kid.

Obviously my husband wants him evaluated. I want him evaluated with a Psychologist that KNOWS these kids. I don't want him pumped up with meds he doesn't need because he has been stifled and isolated. I would pull him now from that horrible environment today, but he wants to finish the year because of his friends (not close friends...just the only kids he knows).
He tells me he won't hurt himself; he just wishes God would come take him. GADS...This is more than a mother can take.

For the record, I have talked to the principle, vice principle and his teacher. They want everyone to obey and stay within the lines. They tell me how WONDERFUL DS is with that interest in teaching himself all this information...BLAH
They refused to help with grade excel or any other alternative learning for DS. My husband and I HAD been huge donors. I say had, because I will NOT give them more than I have to ever again.
I have FOUR kids...I have been in the Catholic School system for 22 years...what an eye opener.

DS10 is still mind boggling, he still amazes everyone�the walking Wikipedia as one man put it.
So if anyone knows of a Psychologist that works with gifted kids (not just testing) in the So Cal area please let me know. I really need the resource.
Thanks

What do you think about partial homeschooling for the rest of the year...I'm thinking about keeping him out on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Would the school 'go for it?' Or even early pick ups on those days? Can you invent music lessons or some other kind of issue that nescessitates him to be let out early 2 days a week? Perhaps trump up SAT tutoring 2 x/week so he can take the SAT or ACT next year when he is 11? What about getting him involved in acting that might be a good pretext for missing a lot of school? (Not everyone's cup of tea, but it worked for Ruf.)

That might be a way to encourage him to let the homeschooling start early.

I wish I had a resource in Southern Cal. I wonder if you called Davidson YSP if they know of any - you are sort of 'close by.' Have you contacted the state gifted association?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Another way to find testers is to call local schools 'for the Gifted' and ask who they recommend.

When is the next 'family weekend' or daytime activity?
Check here to see if any of these are feasible.
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/conferences.htm

I always know how worried I am about my son based on how far I'm willing to drive to get him around other gifted kids.

Thanks Grinity

I have asked about allowing him to leave to participate in some of the Duke and other learning opportunities. They "discourage it" they feel it will make him stand out even more as "different".
They also believe in constant testing, you know read two-3 pages test short term memory and move on. Never testing mid-term or finals. It's all about right now. Leaving would mean a lot of missed tests (he has 6 a week) since there is no method to their maddness.
His teacher gets bent out of shape when he has to leave because he is serving Mass. It throws her day off.

Thank you for the link and the idea's. I have read UCI's website before...Not really for us but they have some very interesting web classes that might help. I will check them out.
I will call the association local to see if they have a doctor recommendation. I just wanted to see if anyone here could actually tell me who knows the quirks of these kids.

My husband and I are in Medicine and it took us a long time to "get it". Poor kid we thought he was autistic, aspie and all other kinds of stuff. Always hearing...NO doesn't come close to critia. Pffttt I just refer to him as my "high needs" child.

He is such a great kid...he used to have such a great personality, now he is just BLAH...

Hi!! What kind of evaluation do you Want? Where on so cal are you? If you want iq testing, I strongly recommend Dr David Palmer in laguna beach. If you are interested I will send his info but I am on my nook, not my computer and it is too hard from here. He tested my kid, and totally understood him and he is highly regarded in the field and has written books and done research on the gifted population.

It sounds like they are used to getting their way through a certian amount of 'peer pressure.' This can be good if you just resolve to 'do as you see fit' and thank them for their concern. It does take some getting used to though.

Remember your body language, when they pull the 'it will make him more different' it's time to pull out the tilted head, half-smile as in "I'm hearing it, but you must be jesting." You can even wink and say 'Oh I think the horse is out of the barn on that one.'

Still, if you can start homeschooling early, I would consider pulling him out even a single day a week and letting him drive the teacher crazy. What if he does get poor grades - who cares? And hopefully he will soon be willing to do more homeschooling and fewer days in school. (Would they let him come in for art/music/recess 3 x a week? I'm assuming it's already paid for, right?)

It sounds likes a bad situation.

I have a feeling that soon you'll get your boy back, with his real personality.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

OT, but I wouldn't rule out your dd being gifted as well. I have two gifted children who present very differently. One would have been easily overlooked as gifted. There is also a difference btwn a HG+ kid and a MG kid. Perhaps she is MG.

We started to get stuff like that from dd12 when she was six and in first grade. She was telling me she wanted to be dead, wished she had never been born, etc. It was really scary, but she really bounced back after I had her home to homeschool for a while and then when she returned to school with a different teacher/classroom fit later. She is HG and is doing well with acceleration mostly now.

Are you making this comparison between your DD and DS based on fitting in socially and behaviorally at school? Because I don't think that should be regarded as a marker of giftedness/intellectual capacity.

Girls often have better fitting-in skills at a younger age; this is not a mark of not being gifted, only shows that your DD is paying attention to norms around her, which is an asset as long as it doesn't make her underperform to fit in with other kids.

I can see that the current school is a terrible fit. Still, your DS probably needs to be taught to recognize the social hierarchies that operate in schools and elsewhere; teachers have a kind of authority that must be respected even when one differs with them. If he is poor at recognizing this kind of social hierarchy, he will constantly be in trouble. (My DS has Asperger's and we have to work on this a lot.)

I hope HSing gives you the respite you need!

DeeDee

She could also be very high in EQ and good at hiding - and just as high in IQ as her brother. 2nd born females tend to be really good at hiding. Wish I had a dollar for every suprised family I've seen.
Wink