Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Are you a gifted parent?

Learning about my DD8's 'giftedness' has been an eye opening experience for me, as well. I had no concept what gifted meant or what it was. Where we live, there are no gifted programs and no one was singled out in school or advanced or separated (at least to my knowledge). My parents say that I learned things at appropriate times but I picked things up much faster than other children. I had staight A's without doing any work. But I don't ever remember being bored in school, so who knows what that says? Maybe I was/am MG? I do have vivid memories of feeling different. And I know that I just see and feel things differently than others. I still love to learn and after 12 years of university and three degrees I have finally tired my brain out enough to want a rest.

It wasn't until we found out about DD that I began to wonder about myself. Knowing would not have changed anything, but it would have explained why I felt different. DD is so articulate and excels at putting her feelings into words. I can understand her feelings 100%. Funny, but it is like I have finally found my 'kindred spirit'. She is the first person that I feel understands how I see things and why little things bother me so deeply. Things that I gave up talking about years ago. On her side, I think she appreciates having a mother who 'gets' her (those are her words). If nothing else, that is worth everything to me. I hope I can be there for her and offer the right kind of support. I can't even begin to compare what I was to what she is but I hope that having a good support will help make her navigation through this world just a little bit easier.

I was IDed as gifted at age 6 through testing. I've asked my parents about the score but they have no clue anymore (and knowing them probably promptly forgot it after they heard the number). I was always the youngest in my class and tended to get picked on even within the gifted program by two girls who were red-shirted gifted (basically, they would tell me I wasn't smart enough to be in the program and that I had the lowest score to get in). I really can't say if that's true but later testing doesn't support that. For instance, I took the ACT in middle school and it would've been above the Davidson cut-off. My parents also have a few stories about me doing a shape shorter at 9 months, and I know I went into preschool (age 2-4) and announced I could read but my parents don't remember how old I was.

Because of that early experience with the girls and due to my parents always insisting that I was a hard worker, I was really convinced that what I did was not unusual but that I worked harder than anyone else. My mom talked about skipping me every now and then but never followed through. They tried getting an algebra tutor for me in elementary school but the tutor rarely showed up. It seemed like my younger years were filled with good intentions that were never followed through on. Once I got into high school and I could pick my own classes things changed dramatically. I took a lot of AP classes, independent studies, sports etc. My day was packed but even with that I was still bored. You think it would've clued me in that maybe those girls were just teasing me when I was younger but it still bothered me even then. College was very similar. I made my own path, convinced professors to let me skip classes/prerequisites, I studied abroad... a lot, I also made some more independent study classes when the college different offer what I wanted.

For me grad schools was much more of a challenge mostly because I no longer had the motivation of grades/praise. Instead I needed to work for the sake of working and I still struggle with that. Sometimes I wonder if I picked the right career path. I like it but I picked it because the subject was the most challenging to me, not necessarily the most enjoyable.

Now after having DD I've reevaluated a lot what I've been through in life. I realize a lot of my frustrations/shyness/difficulty finding friends in elementary school was simply due to the lack of peers. It wasn't that I magically improved the second I got to high school but that's when ability grouping really took over and I had friends that shared my same interests that didn't think I was a freak of nature. I realize that not everything I got from life was due to hard work but somethings DID come naturally for me and were easy because of that. It's a strange realization because it makes you feel less proud about your accomplishments, in a way.

I've also come to the conclusion that I really don't want to send DD to a traditional school. I want her to be able to follow her own interests and not have to do something challenge just for the sack of challenge. I also don't like the idea of a grade based system that distracts from the actual learning.

DH is also gifted although he was never formally IDed but there's just no way this man isn't gifted. He's much more focued than me, though. I'm more well-rounded but don't have one thing that I excell at (I'm definitely better at math/science but still have strengths in writing, languages etc just NOT spelling!). However, he's 100% focused on about 2-3 areas of interest and could careless about anything else. Sometimes he'll be interested in something new for a bit and dabble in it but it just can't sustain his interest. He had absolutely no accommodations whatsoever and basically almost failed out of HS because he never showed up. However, after getting to college/grad school he really found his niche and his life changed dramatically.

Ok, sorry for the novel.

ETA: I really can't comment at this point if DD's at a higher level of giftedness compared to DH and myself. Somethings she's done ahead of us some behind. However, my parents rarely paid attention to milestones and both DH and I were raised very differently than DD was so I'm not sure how much that affects things (for instance, we did baby signing with her and while DH and I weren't particularly super early talkers DD talked sooner than both of us and was much more verbal in general than the two of us and she's bilingual and we were not growing up).

Just had to throw in my 2 cents. Yes now that I think about it I probably am at the very least very smart and so are my parents. I remember in elem. school that I moved from a group of 5 or 6 readers into doing my own research projects. It wasn't formal it was b/c I had read everything they had. I was also the little fat girl who loved teachers and to please. Much later I found out I was asked to go to an elite girls school on scholarship. My mom worried about me fitting in so I didn't go. By middle school i was lazy and had a major attitude still teachers loved me. I remember getting an academic award and being told by one of the others that I didn't deserve to be on the stage.
After that never lived up to potential. Slipped by b/c most of work was easy didn't have to put in much effort. I was recognized once for getting a top score on a statewide test and the shocked responses that I was cabable of doing that.
Somehow I did get thru college w/ honors and a masters as well. I remember a hs classmate telling me "a hood made good"
These experiances help me with my son but also as a teacher. background and looks don't matter, it is the nuturing and believing in success that do it.

I went to a public kindergarten & when it was time for me to go into 1st grade, my parents were asked if they would like for me to skip to 2nd as I was already reading. They declined. We moved to Costa Rica where my parents went to language school when I was in the 2nd grade & I remember going to the 3rd grade class for reading instruction. After moving 4 more times (and having some interesting experiences) I finally landed in a school that had a formal gifted program & was tested for placement. My IQ (according to my mom) was measured in the mid-140s. That was in the 8th grade; I don't know how accurate scores are at that age.
My brother's IQ has to be at least as high as mine if not higher; my dad's is about the same. All 3 of my kiddos measure between 130-135.

I had an epiphany the other day in relation to this.

I spent most of my middle high school years lost in a fantasy world I created complete with alternate life history to adulthood, culture geography in various place etc etc etc. It was very detailed and involved. Freaked the heck out of my parents, LOL! But 'coincidentally' it faded out at about the same time that I had to start studying units for my university entrance exams and I couldn't hand in assignments written during my lunchbreak anymore. Hmmm...

How could I be gifted, and yet never make that connection before (humour alert)