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There is some food for thought in Billy's post. I was a gifted kid with NO recognition or services. It was horrible. But I have had to be careful with my own gifted D (now 15) to strike a balance. I agree that I see a few parents out here who are overboard, especially when their kids are at a very young age.

But if our kids, for example, don't take the SAT or some other talent search test, then they can't go to programs like CTY. And in retrospect, getting my kid into communities (in person or online) with other gifted kids has been one of the things we did right. I am not saying that pushing your kids to study for those exams is the right thing to do (my D took a sample test prior to each SAT sitting, and that is it). But I think there is something to be said for having them take the tests. My kid LOVES Cogito and THINK, and would not be involved in either if she had not taken the tests.

Also, additional testing does sometimes reveal useful information. My D also has a non-verbal learning disability, and getting that diagnosed has been a big benefit for her. Her grades have gone up, and her frustration level has gone down.

Tallulah, I am not sure my kid will be better employee material than I am (I run my own business, and with good reason) no matter what I do. I don't think forcing her peg to fit into the wrong shaped hole during these childhood years is going to accomplish that. My goal has been to help her find and pursue interests that might lead to a career where her intellect is the most valued component. Of course I want her to have basic social skills and a good work ethic. But I am realistic about her "fit" in the world, too.

My goals for my kids regarding this forum are to

1. Learn about the learning needs of gifted kids and how to provide them to mine.

2. Help my kids understand why they don't always see things the way others do.

This forum is very helpful in that regard. It has also exposed me to ideas that I hadn't been exposed to before I joined, and these ideas have helped me understand myself and my kids. One of the things I like best about this forum is that people tend to be very thoughtful in the way they write.

I'm with Grinity: I hope I don't come across as putting my kids on display.

Trying to say this very gently: I've kind of seen a bit of the unhealthy comparison stuff creeping in here. It's a bummer to see this board becoming a bit like some of the other forums where parents try to outdo one another. Just my two cents. Feel free to disagree, via PM or otherwise!

As for the OP, I'm trying to do my best for my kids. I never understood why I was so different from others until I was well into adulthood. Knowing would helped me a lot and probably would have spared me some grief from time to time. Teaching this idea to my kids isn't easy, but when you have a seven-year-old who tries to debate religious philosophy with his classmates and doesn't understand why they get so angry...well, it's time to intervene. Added: I'm not saying that my little boy was reading The Grand Inquisitor or Nietzsche. He just had some very strongly held ideas that we'd discussed, and he didn't understand why others didn't share his views.

Val

I agree with many things that have been said here and somethings make me cringe. Isn't that true of most boards? For better or worse, sometimes we use numbers as shorthand for levels of giftedness and/or to give insight into our child's unique challenges. What I appreciate about this site is that I can talk openly about things that are going on with my kids and not have to leave out that they are gifted.

From your description, I doubt that you have children. In case you don't know, it is difficult to find situations where it is socially acceptable to talk about the baggage that comes with having a "gifted" kid except in very limited circumstances. Yes, people may know that your kid is gifted because they are in a gt program or are grade accelerated but they don't understand the full implications. They just assume that your kid is smart so life is easier for them. For example, if you try to talk about the fact that your 6 year old can't watch G-rated movies because she finds them too stressful, most parents of non-gt kids can't relate. They give you a look that says, "What's wrong with your kid?" Here, people, not only relate, but give you pointers about how to get through the problem. Sometimes, it's nice to know that you are not alone.

B.C.:

Just wait 'til you have kids. Perhaps then you will appreciate what this site has to offer, not to mention the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, our hosting organization.

Consider, also, that with more than 89,000 posts, drawing your conclusions based on a small sample might not be particularly fair.

I found this statement striking, as I've never sensed any such negative vibe from this site... and I certainly hope you didn't either! (I can't recall any conversation where class was discussed, let alone how it might relate to intelligence.)

I'll be super interested to read your thoughts on this when your kids come along. Seriously.

We make/force/require our kids to do all sorts of things: brush teeth, eat broccoli, go to bed, play piano (but would NEVER make them play cello [shudder]), say "please" and "thank you," etc. You know, all the classically evil stuff in life.

As far as academics are concerned, we do not haunt our child with his scores. (He doesn't even know them -- or at least we've not told him.) We do go out of our way, however, to make sure he's properly challenged, as he was quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of rolling out of bed each morning already knowing all the answers for school. At age 6 (too young for intervention by your standards), he was in third grade... just coasting along, having never yet faced the slightest degree of intellectual challenge from school. Straight A/A+ without ever applying himself. Seriously, how fair would it have been to let him continue on like this?

If anything, I'm guilty of reminding my kid that his ginormous brain is not his ticket to success. It certainly gives him an advantage of sorts, but if he never learns how to really use it, what good is it?

One of my favorite quotes about tenacity:

Please don't be put off by people citing IQ scores, etc. I suspect that many, like myself, find it comforting to have conversations involving GT kids where the first mention of an IQ score doesn't lead to panic attacks.

And... you really should stop by and visit another newcomer to this site:
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....635/Gifted_9yo_4th_grader.html#Post90635

Billy, another thought... maybe your parents would have handled your situation better if they had known more other parents in their situation and had more support. Something like this board might have helped them (and in turn you).

I appreciate you taking time to post and express your reaction both to the site and to your own experience growing up.

Do know that just as you are unique, every kid's experience is unique no matter their IQ. But having a high IQ means that new challenges enter into the general mix of things. Perhaps the ADD diagnosis for you would have been there without the high IQ; perhaps it was ignorance of those around you not knowing the difference between the driven personalities that often accompany a high IQ. I don't know.

I have three kids with high IQ's, and raising them hasn't not been a cookie cutter experience. All three have needed different accommodations, different motivations, and different parenting. I'm sorry for you the right mix never came into being until now, but perhaps your previous experiences that didn't sit well will help you appreciate what you have now in ways you never could have. I have one child that has tried my patience immensely because I feel as a mother he has squandered opportunities that should have been easy for him; it has taken almost 18 years for me to come to the point of accepting that grades will never be a motivator for him - even when it means missed opportunities that might have come with better grades. I've had to work to get him into experiences that do challenge him in ways that motivate him to do better and try harder, and those experiences have all been outside the classroom.

My youngest is the opposite - he pushes beyond his abilities and refuses to give up even when he's in tears with frustration. I have had to downplay poor grades with him, make him understand that the number on the page is not an indicator of his effort or knowledge. Am I a better mom with him because of what I learned by screwing up with the older one? Probably.

But as I jokingly tell my kids - I did my best as a mom from the very best of intentions. So if I screwed you up, with any luck I've at least given you the tools to earn enough to pay for good therapy. They laugh, but they have no idea I actually mean it. Every parent fails in some way, but the parents I see on here? They're trying much harder than your average parent. They're seeking to find answers to give their unique children the very best experience. Some may be misguided, some may be far more wise. But I haven't yet in my time here seen someone who thought they were the cat's meow because of creating a kid with a high IQ. They see the responsibility that came with it and are trying to meet it.

I should add that while I do think this forum has been really helpful in challenging my son without pushing him too hard, I do agree that I have not, and will not, have my son's IQ tested. I know that he is gifted based on observation - and three years of teachers have agreed with me. He doesn't need a number to prove that, especially since I genuinely believe that IQ does not accurately show intelligence. And there are many people out there who will use a high IQ score as a weapon - I'm not going to do that to him. That having been said, I do think he needs extra challenges, and this forum has been useful in finding those challenges for him.

Avoiding my experiences probably has motivated me with DC20 and DC16. In fact, I doubt that I would have thought to look into the issue had DC20 not echoed the same frustrations and anger that I had felt as a child upon entering school.

I was not identified as gifted until it was almost too late. Upon entering school, there was always something "wrong" with me, and I went to extreme measures to correct the problem and avoid teachers' wrath and students' bullying. I spent my teen years in and out of recovery from addiction, getting clean only to have someone point out how different I was from my classmates and how much of a problem I was in the classroom when I began participating again. My last counselor was the one who "discovered" that I was profoundly gifted and helped me understand what that meant about how I viewed the world around me and attributed meaning to my experiences.

During my teen years, I also started to help my aunt raise my two young cousins. DC20 is a very bright young man who hated school the second he started and became a problem in class the second he started school. Testing gave us answers: very bright kid with learning disabilities and ADHD. This has helped him get the accomodations he needs to learn successfully and to develop skills that he will need in the future. It has also helped to reassure less-gifted DC16 that she is not stupid, which has come up many times in the past as she has made cuts and not made cuts for gifted programs and has, at times, felt angry about her brother.

Have we pushed? Yes. DC20 would not have done any homework or tried anything related to school were it not for the pushing, as he enjoys learning but struggles to write out what he knows. Forcing him to play the violin or get perfect grades? No, although his grades have been quite high and he has enjoyed music and athletics over the years...

While I do not agree with everything said on this board or other boards like it, I appreciate a place that understands. Although there seem to be many gifted kids in the area when DC20 was young, no one had a clue or was willing to listen to the challenges--like a 7-year-old getting suspended from school after impulsively acting out of social justice when a fifth grade bully hurled racial epithets at the classmates who had basically tortured DC20 every day for the past year... or DC20 simultanously feeling like the dumbest kid in his class and the smartest...

I'm sorry your experiences have been so bad. You might find some of the articles on Hoagies' Gifted Website intriguing(http://www.hoagiesgifted.org). I believe there are still some articles dealing with gifted children growing into gifted adults and some of the challenges facing gifted young adults...

Sometimes I think I might sound like a pushy parent because I'm always looking for more things to give them. �But I don't feel like a pushy parent, I feel like a creative parent. �Sometimes some posts play on that minor insecurity of mine �but i shake it off quickly. �My kid's are healthy, happy, and engaged in life and learning. �That's my draw to this forum. �People here don't really bash other people's parenting efforts. �There's a tolerant and supportive community for families with wildly different parenting and educational styles. �**my own interpretation** of why it's a gifted forum, the tie that binds us, is that we and our children are able and willing learners. �Anyone who posts on a gifted forum that says someone is not living up to their potential means that they are for some reason less enthusiastic about learning than they should be. �This is not a "badger someone to jump through this hoop" issue, it's an issue of trying to find out why a child who should enjoy learning is not. �Which I keep seeing answered with troubleshooting �for LDs, or more frequently hidden vision problems, or tips to learn to stay on task, to relieve the suffering of all sentient beings, not to berate a child for earning a "b". �That sounds like the actions of a parent who listened to advice from friends, neighbors, and clergy rather than researching giftedness and talking with other gifted parents openly. �This is finally available to this generation. �

I don't have numbers for my kid's. I'm 100% sure they're big numbers. �They'll get whatever generic testing the school gives them once they start. �I'll probably post the results here. �I consider myself belonging here and I consider this forum a community. �But most of the numbers I see posted here are often by people with only a few posts. �I would assume it's because they were given a clinical set of numbers and an evalutory statement about what it means. �But since it's considered rude to talk about such things in polite society they ask mr. Google to find them some everyday people they can discuss the results with anonymously so they can see what the results mean in the real world, which yes, means comparing. �That's what an iq test does-it compares. �But from what I've seen here and from IRL encounters with bright folks it's less of a comparison of "how better than you am I?" but it seems to be more a judgement of the smarter the stranger. �I would share an IQ number with the same standards I would tell someone my birthday. �Some people would never mention it comparing it with mentioning your weight or pant size. �It's all a matter of personal choice. �I wouldn't call it classy either way.

And, plus, to get to the point, nerdy kids like things that the neighborhood kid's might not- excessive books, puzzles, non fictions, geometry blocks, science kits. �It's nice to discuss parent reviews on things each others kid's might really like. �I could really go on here. �There are so many things to love about the existence of this forum and the familys who come here.

Oh yeah, you didn't mention your age and you didn't mention what brought you here initially but there is a gifted forum for highschoolers and college kid's. �I think it's called gifted haven. I browsed it a while ago and it looked active. �They mentioned cognito which is another forum for the young crowd, but I think it's more deeper student-types at that one. Didn't look close. �My kid's aren't that old and I'm happy here.

I may edit this post later. �It's late. �I'm tired.