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Joined: Jan 2008
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I think threads like this are very good for us to clarify in our own minds how we feel about our childs abilities. Often, our children can't distinguish when we are pleased with something, or proud of something. We have to know how to express our feelings in words to benefit our children and to respond to others.
I like responding with, "I'm pleased the school has provided opportunities for a great education." Or, "I'm proud of you for making a good choice, treating someone kindly, working hard, etc."
And DeHe, 4 year olds are allowed to say those kinds of things! When someone comments, just laugh and say there's never a dull moment at your house! Your child will know you accept him as he is, and the stranger will agree with you.
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So I was walking home from the library with DS this afternoon and he was chattering away, today about a robot organic cow which makes the milk and puts it in the lunchbox sized cartons inside of the cow and then the trucks back up to the cow and the cartons come out all filled one at time. A lady passed us on the street and heard him and turned around and said wow, he is so smart, and asked him, how old are you, and he said I'm 4 and I can read. She turn to me and said again, wow he is so smart - and with this whole discussion in my head, I paused possibly too long and said thank you!!!! Exactly like you shellymos but I didn't know what to say. But what was also interesting is that I sort of cringed inside that DS said he could read - the volunteering of the information. This has happened before and my response instinctively seems to be don't brag, as if he said I'm so handsome. So once home I asked him why he told the lady he could read and he said because he wanted her to know he could do it.
I think he is starting to really notice the comments from adults and seems to have chosen to wear his skills with pride, yes, let me tell you what else I can do. But he doesn't do anything like that with kids his age. But it really is awkward for adult and kid to be called out like that in a way that doesn't leave you a good way to respond. And again rather like the initial post she didn't say oh what an imaginative story, it was about the innate. But I guess in some way it is like saying oh, what a cute baby but somehow it feels like a complement wrapped in a, wow that's strange.
Hmm, not sure if its just interesting timing or that your post struck me more than I thought!! And good thing she didn't see the books we had in the bag!!!
DeHe lol, this happens to us a lot. DS just randomly says stuff that draws attention. Such as checking out at the doctors last week he announces "supercalafragalisticexpialadoshus has 14 syllables....and also 14 vowels" People just aren't sure what to say to comments like that. He used to read signs all the time in the store at 2 and we got lots of comments. Anyhow, I have gotten used to just nodding and/or saying yes. Just kind of awkward at times. You just never know what he is going to say at any given moment. And very interesting about him throwing in that he can read too. My DS did that more around that age too. Honestly, my thinking is that when someone says they are smart they lump in all the things that people say they are smart about and sometimes just say that they can do those too. I am sure he has encountered someone in his life that has said how smart he is because he can read. Kids hear this stuff from people around them all the time. And chances are at that age they aren't bragging, just stating a fact. One time at 4 DS was doing equations with someone and when the person was shocked at all the stuff DS knew, DS responded "I am really good at math." The person jokingly responded "but not so good at humility, huh?" So then my DS wanted to know what that meant and why he had said that. I tried to explain that you don't have to tell people you are really good at things, you can just say that you really like those things. And he replied "yes, but it isn't just that I like it...I AM really good at math" And then I saw his point. It's tough because you don't want kids or people to brag, but why is it that if we have an area that we really do well in that we can't share that for fear of bragging. Now he usually just talks about how much he loves math, but sometimes he will throw in things like "I am in a 4th grade math class" or "well I skipped K" when someone is trying to figure out why he is in a certain class at his age or when they are commenting on his intelligence or books he is reading,etc. It isn't at all in a bragging way, it's usually when people are trying to do the math and are confused. He tries to help them out a little ; ) Nice thing about kids though as it comes across much better when they say they can do things than when we do.
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And DeHe, 4 year olds are allowed to say those kinds of things! When someone comments, just laugh and say there's never a dull moment at your house! Your child will know you accept him as he is, and the stranger will agree with you. Love that!!! It's both a non response and true! Excellent answer. DeHe
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[/quote] One time at 4 DS was doing equations with someone and when the person was shocked at all the stuff DS knew, DS responded "I am really good at math." The person jokingly responded "but not so good at humility, huh?" So then my DS wanted to know what that meant and why he had said that. I tried to explain that you don't have to tell people you are really good at things, you can just say that you really like those things. And he replied "yes, but it isn't just that I like it...I AM really good at math" And then I saw his point. It's tough because you don't want kids or people to brag, but why is it that if we have an area that we really do well in that we can't share that for fear of bragging. Now he usually just talks about how much he loves math, but sometimes he will throw in things like "I am in a 4th grade math class" or "well I skipped K" when someone is trying to figure out why he is in a certain class at his age or when they are commenting on his intelligence or books he is reading,etc. It isn't at all in a bragging way, it's usually when people are trying to do the math and are confused. He tries to help them out a little ; ) Nice thing about kids though as it comes across much better when they say they can do things than when we do. The humility comment is interesting, it reminds of how when they are advanced in intelligence the assumption is that they are advanced in social stuff, same with when you have a tall toddler, somehow size means he shouldn't be throwing tantrums, a friend got that all that time. Humility is a pretty advanced social construct I would be really surprised if a kid displayed it! There is that fine line between the kid that everyone knows is bright and the kid no one can stand because they're showoffs! DS has also been saying I know everything because my brain is huge, because we had been joking around like that, but i think he realizes it was a joke because he only says that to us, and he followed it up with it's as big as a Woolley mammoths, I had to break it to him,theirs weren't that big, he was a bit bummed by that, lol!
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he announces "supercalafragalisticexpialadoshus has 14 syllables....and also 14 vowels" People just aren't sure what to say to comments like that. "16 vowels, actually."  (Each syllable has one vowel sound in it, but the last sound is spelled with 3 vowels. supercalifragilisticexpialidocious )
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he announces "supercalafragalisticexpialadoshus has 14 syllables....and also 14 vowels" People just aren't sure what to say to comments like that. "16 vowels, actually."  (Each syllable has one vowel sound in it, but the last sound is spelled with 3 vowels. supercalifragilisticexpialidocious ) And the answer to that response is "He's really into linguistics". DH got quite cross the other day when we had a somewhat similar conversation - his point being that "vowel" is an interesting concept when it refers to some of the sounds in our language but of almost no interest at all if it's just a label for 5 (or sometimes 6, because people do object to the absurdity of saying that "hymn" contains no vowel, even though they don't seem to feel the same about the the absurdity of saying that "said" contains two!) letters.
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But if you're counting vowel sounds, rather than vowel letters, isn't it a tautology to say there are the 14 syllables and 14 vowel sounds? I'm trying to come up with a syllable that contains more (or fewer!) than one vowel sound, with no success.
ETA: Wikipedia says there's no vowel sound in bird (or similarly-middled words), at least according to some linguists, so there are arguably no-vowel-sound syllables. I think I take the dissenting side on that one, though.
Last edited by AlexsMom; 12/05/10 02:24 AM.
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But if you're counting vowel sounds, rather than vowel letters, isn't it a tautology to say there are the 14 syllables and 14 vowel sounds? I'm trying to come up with a syllable that contains more (or fewer!) than one vowel sound, with no success. I'm way out of my depth, but DH says yes, tautology by most definitions. (But since when have we objected to children announcing tautologies - or even failed to be impressed by them?!) ETA: Wikipedia says there's no vowel sound in bird (or similarly-middled words), at least according to some linguists, so there are arguably no-vowel-sound syllables. I think I take the dissenting side on that one, though. "Bird" definitely has a vowel in my accent! But arguably "button" might be an example of a two-syllable word where the second syllable has no vowel in my accent - but'n.
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(But since when have we objected to children announcing tautologies - or even failed to be impressed by them?!) True enough! And with anyone else's kid, I'd have just said "Oh, that's nice" and gone my merry way. For my own, I'd have encouraged her to think about whether it was a tautology.
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I'm trying to come up with a syllable that contains more (or fewer!) than one vowel sound, with no success.
ETA: Wikipedia says there's no vowel sound in bird (or similarly-middled words), at least according to some linguists, so there are arguably no-vowel-sound syllables. I think I take the dissenting side on that one, though. What vowel sound do you make when you say "bird" in addition to the R sound, out of curiosity? I just make the R sound. There are probably a lot of words out there, e.g. "purpler", "rattling", etc., that contain syllables without any vowels / vowel sounds no matter how you define such things. I'm guessing intuitively, as an overly opinionated layman who's too lazy to do real linguistic research on the weekend, that there would be a lot of words with multiple vowel sounds in the same syllable too-- what about "quiet"? I guess that, going by the school that think "bird" has no vowel sound, that "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" might be considered to have thirteen vowel sounds. It's all over my head. "He's interested in linguistics" seems accurate, though, and it certainly does look like an interesting field, in a nitpicky sort of way. 
Striving to increase my rate of flow, and fight forum gloopiness.
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