Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments How important are intellectual peers?

I found it was/is a big issue for my oldest DS. I posted a while ago about seeing him in a gifted group for the first time, and how emotional it made me! It is also the need he has that I have found the hardest to meet in any real way. The gifted group he goes to is only every three weeks or so.

We are really struggling with this. I really hope it works for you and your DS.

GeoMamma we really should get together more often. Even if the kids don't hit it off at least we know we like each other lol! When things settle down for both of us maybe.
Personally I've not found it to be a big problem for DS. Most of the 6 year olds in our homeschooling community are quirky or intense in some way. There is a love/hate relationship kind of happening between them all and they spend their time in their elaborate imaginary worlds most of the time. So for now it is ok. The main issues we've had were when he was younger (and I guess this still happens to some degree). When he was verbal and able to negotiate quiet well and the other kids would push him or hit him he found it very hard. He felt it was most unfair that HE would never resort to violence over a toy or whatever, but that other kids did, even when he did everything he knew was "right". It took a few years but by about 5 it was as if he thought "screw it, I tried talking, it doesn't work, so I'm just going to hit them back". Five was an interesting year in our house...

Spot on for us! But often because there is a level of similarity with the intensity level, they end up with a lot of spats. DS is now 7 (will be 8 in 2 months). I'm noticing he's making deeper, more co-operative type friendships, perhaps he's able to negotiate better and more calmly as he develops. This is really interesting and so heartwarming to watch. I echo the sentiments of the parents here - my heart is singing!

I've been thinking a lot about this question recently, but not as much from a friendship angle as from an instruction angle. I've begun to question the efficacy of subject/grade acceleration when it just means sending a gifted child to class with older children for more advanced content. While it is certainly better than being in class without acceleration, it seems to presume that gifted children can have their needs met through a change in "what" rather than a change in "how", kwim? This assumes that the differences are based only on level of attainment, and not on differences in how the learning has to occur.

When I originally wrote this post, I was thinking less about friendships and more about education, though both are important. DS's best friend probably wouldn't be ID'd as gifted academically, but they get along famously.

From what I hear about my DS6 in school, he is quiet and does not participate unless he's one-on-one with a teacher or in a small group setting. He is never quiet at home. I can't get him to explain to me why he's so quiet in school. He's not shy -- at our state gifted conference, he volunteered to give a presentation about his creation in a class of 3rd and 4th graders. And he volunteered to be on stage at the local university's math and science day. So then I imagine things like "he doesn't fit in here; he'd be much more active in a different setting." I don't know if that's true, though.

Hi St. Pauli girl,

My DD10 has attended a private school for the highly gifted since she was 6 yrs old. Although we don't have any experiences with public school as this was her first school experience, I can tell you that for her, this has been the ideal placement. From the first day of school it was obvious to me that she had found a place where she could be who she is. She doesn't need to apologize for being smart nor does she feel the need to hide just how smart she is. It is cool to be smart!

As for discipline, I can honestly say that all the kids in her school are respectful, kind to each other and bullying just doesn't exist. It would not be tolerated from either the teachers or the kids themselves. It is just an environment that fosters learning. I don't think that putting 20 HG kids in a class automatically results in discipline problems, on the contrary, I have found it to be the opposite.

Good luck in finding your child a placement that fits his needs.

Sorry GreenGully, I didn't see this post until now, I wasn't able to get online here yesterday. Thank you, it would be great to get together more often. Things have been crazy here! Tomorrow is my exam, then it will be back to 'normal' for a little while!

Good luck with your exam GeoMamma!

Thank you!

Looks like I came in a little late to this discussion, but I think it's an important topic and had to throw in my two cents. When I was in eighth grade I moved to a new school where they had a different testing system for the gifted program. (At that time we had a gifted teacher who taught us for two periods - English and HIstory). I had to wait half the year before I could take the test, so I was in regular classes during that time. I got along with the kids in the regular classes, and was fairly happy there, I suppose. But to be honest, I didn't realize until after I switched to the gifted classes how much I was missing. The class was smaller, and everyone respected each other even if we didn't necessarily get along all the time. That was one thing that was missing from regular classes - the respect. Although I had made friends in the regular classes, they didn't compare to the friendships I made in the new class. It was nice to be able to discuss current events or science, read a classmate's story she had written just for fun, or just show a little bit of curiosity about something without everyone politely asking why I wanted to know all this stuff.
So I guess to answer your question, it is important for a child to have someone to talk to who is on their level. And it's even better if that person is their age.