Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Grrrrrr....school is driving me insane!

Nothing new here, just needed to vent, and thought this would be a good place to do it without being thought of as bragging.
I LOVE my son's first grade teacher. She's doing everything she can to challenge him. Problem is, she's restricted by the school's curriculum. There are things she CAN do, and things she CAN'T do. But at least she's trying. My problem is with the school's librarian. If Andrew tries to pick a challenging book, she tells him no, because "that book is too hard for you." It's my opinion that you NEVER tell a child not to try something because it's too hard. Her rationale is, "We're trying to set them up for success." What she really means is that if we make it easy enough, everyone will pass and that will look good for the state board of education. Success is great, but it doesn't mean much to a kid if it's not a challenge. If you have a hard time with something once in a while, and finally conquer it, THAT is the basis for real self-esteem. But not only is my son not encouraged to do that at school - he is not even allowed to. This is not even just a gifted issue - EVERY child needs to be challenged and learn to feel good about themselves when they manage to do something that is difficult. Ugh, and I have another child starting kindergarten next year. I'm starting to think I should quit my job and fight the school board full-time.

I've previously run across a notion that a child shouldn't read too far above their comfort level. I think it's based on the idea that a child might get frustrated or something. I think it's a bit ridiculous, although I definitely agree a child shouldn't be forced or bullied to read material that's above their comfort level, or to do anything else academically.

I agree - they should NEVER be forced. But if my child asks me if he can read "War and Peace" - I will always at least let him try.

Hell yes. I will flat-out encourage any tendency to go beyond comfort level.

Ah, yes. At our school, kindergartners are required to pick kindergarten books, which are marked with a big K sticker on the spine, and only allowed one book per week.

First graders are required to pick "blue dot" books, which are AR levels 1.0 to 1.9, and have a blue dot on the spine. One day, DD came home with Harp Seals , a book with a dot that had a slightly different shade of blue. It took her a week to work her way through it, and it's known as "that horrible seal book" in our house - but she read it, and mostly understood it, and was hugely proud of herself for having stuck with it.

In third, the kids start off with 2nd or 3rd grade books, and after reading 5 in a row of 3rd, can get 4th. After 5 in a row of 4th, they can get 5th. DD was the first in her class to get to 4th, but apparently didn't realize that "5 in a row" meant "without an intervening book of a different level, and without taking advantage of the opportunity to skip an AR quiz." So she'd read 4 4th grade books, then accidentally get the next book in the series without realizing it was 3rd or 5th, and have to restart her count. She's running out of age-appropriate and interesting-to-her 4th grade books, and has been waiting to test on her 4th-in-a-row for nearly a week (AR website has been down), so I hope she gets over the hurdle soon.

On the plus side, the couple of times she's accidentally gotten a 5th grade book, she's been allowed to read and test on it. She's just a rule-follower, so is unwilling to "forget" on purpose.

We ran into something similar with the school librarian when DS8 was in K . I started by sending in a note saying DS had my permission to check out books in such-and-such series, which DS was wanting to read, and were well above K grade level. Later, I met with her to discuss DS's interest and aptitude in reading. I asked for her help to ensure that the content in books DS wanted seemed appropriate for a 6 year old, but that DS could be allowed to check out books at any difficulty level he liked. She ended up becoming a pretty good partner for us at the school library.

I've had great success with both DS6 and DS8 with reading above-level books. DS8 just recently finished the Lord of the Rings series (by his own choice), which at the beginning he said he was "struggling" through. I'm sure he'll be re-reading it soon, now that he's muddled through it. He admits that it's much easier and clearer now. The same thing happened with Harry Potter, which he started when he was 6. Beginning with the 4th book, he found it more difficult to understand, but he struggled through it with limited understanding and then a month or so later, re-started the entire series. (He has now mostly memorized the series after having read it a dozen or more times.)

DS6 is not as avid a reader as DS8, but he REALLY wants to keep up with big brother. He spent his entire K year reading the first 3 Harry Potter books. And he's proud of it. I actually asked him to take a HP break for a while to have him read some other good stuff for a few months, but he's reading the 4th book now and pleased as punch to be doing it. It's too hard for him now, but gets easier every day.

I agree with you -- especially with these kids, if you can find things that they WANT to do that are hard, you've just GOT to let them.

Good luck!

DS has one year left at 'junior' school - ie next year he is in High School. He's muddling along getting 80% in his English and Maths - and the work he's doing is the same as he was doing (with me) 3 years ago. He is in a school - an expensive private school in Liverpool - that is supposed to stretch the kids and he is BORED! There is little help to advance these kids, or encourage them to move forward. It's the same in the state sector.

We need to get away from the misguided notion that schools are there to educate and teach our children; it is patently obvious to most of us on this site that they don't and they're not. What they are for...well I'll leave that to you to figure out. If you want your kids to progress and be stretched then the sausage machine - whether an expensive private part or a state part of the machine - ain't going to do it.

A zillion years ago I ran into this issue myself. Through 2nd grade we were only allowed to check out books in the "little kids" section of the school library, then we could move to the other end of the stacks in 3rd grade. By the beginning of 2nd grade I kept sneaking over to the big kids section. I don't know if my mom got involved, but I remember that I ended up with a deal with the librarian that I could check out books from that section, but I had to go in during recess to do it (not when the other kids were there so they would not wnat to do it, too). Worked out okay...

And, of course, you can always provide the books yourself via your public library or purchasing them. D lugged a full 3-volume copy of Lord of the Rings around all through 2nd grade as she read it. She took it in every day, read it during class reading time while her classmates were working their way through more typical 2nd grade fare.

intparent - I agree. I take him and his little sister to the library every week and let him check out whatever he wants. Problem is, they take AR tests on the books that they check out from the school library. On one hand, I tend to think I should just not worry about the AR tests, since they don't affect the child's grades. But Andrew gets so upset when he's not meeting his "goal" and getting the rewards that go along with it. I've pretty much settled for breezing through the first grade books every day, then rewarding him by reading whatever he wants.

Me too, it's amazing how those stories stick in my brain.
When I was 6, my mom gave birth to twins, and so I was sent in by myself to make the library run while my Mom, the twins, and my younger brother waited in the car. I timidly asked the Librarian to direct me to 'the Oz books.'

"Honey, you are too young to read the Oz series"
Me: "They aren't for me, they are for my younger brother! And he's already read a bunch of them!"
"O K then, they are right over there" with great eye-rolling.
I was so proud of my brother for being able to cause such a reaction. And proud of myself for standing up for what we wanted - I didn't dare go back to my mom empty handed at that stage of our lives.

DB and I learned to read about the same time, and I was sure to read those Oz books right after he finished with them. I guess I was an Advocate even then. I know first hand about how siblings provide challenge and reassurance for each other - in my case even younger siblings!

As far as the OP goes, venting is a really important part of parenting that isn't really safe for you to do in the local neighborhood like other moms get to do. So vent away - consider us your virtul bus stop Moms.

When you move from venting to problem solving, I have a few ideas:

Remember that the Librarian is going to get flack from most parents if the child whines that a books is too hard. Not to mention if the subject matter is 'too advanced' for most families. Personally, I find HP1 charming for a 5 year old, but wouldn't be so pleased about HP6 for most of the 5 year olds I know. Each kid is different. Also, it is natural want to protect children from frustration - most ND kids DO get plenty enough of frustration from their daily lives. It's just that ours don't. I did have a little talk with our school librarian so that DS would get free pick, and she was willing after made it clear that I wouldn't complain about the subject matter or the frustration level. It's worth a try...

Love and More Love,
Grinity