Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Confused and unsure where to start

Hi everyone - I have been lurking here off and on for a while, but still don't know if I should be posting or not as the whole gifted issue confuses me.

My DS is 10 and has always been very bright. He talked in full sentences by 14 months, could read/write (sentences) by age 4, etc. He has always been described as an "old soul" and struggled to make friends early on because he suffered from social anxiety issues.

Our school does not do much for bright children - there is a TLC class for exceptional readers, which he has been in since 1st grade. But, because the school never made much of his abilities, we didn't either. Back in 1st and 2nd grade he took the Terra Nova's and did excellent. In 4th grade they started with the NWEA and he consistently scored in the 99th percentile for Reading and LA, and 97th and above for Math - though, by looking at posts here, I don't know that his scores were exceptional. In 3rd grade they also take the Test of Cognitive skills for placement in an after school advanced learning class for 4th and 5th grade. He was accepted into the program (only 2 kids from each class are selected) but it wasn't until November of 4th grade that I was told that he had achieved the highest score possible, a 141+. (I have no idea why it's "+" - as you may have determined, I truly am a newbie to all this...). He just got his NJ ASK scores back from 4th grade and had scored Advanced proficient for all subjects (that was the only year they take LA, Math AND Science). 3rd grade scores he had gotten a perfect score in Math and this year he missed the perfect score by 4 points). Now that he's in 5th grade he was given the NWEA again the 2nd week of school and again he scored 99th for reading and 97th for math.

We were just given an invitation by his school to apply for the Hopkins CTY program and I have decided to have him take the SCAT. But, at what point do you cross the line from thinking of your child as bright to gifted? I see my smart, straight A, scatter-brained, forgetful child and it's hard to reconcile that with gifted. (I do know that some of those things are traits of gifted children). At the urging of his TLC teacher, he was just accepted into a local Gifted Child Society so he could take classes with them, which he just started last week.

He tells me that he feels "invisible" in school and I get that - he's not the child that needs attention. But, are we not doing enough for him? Should we have further testing done, like an IQ test, so we know what we are dealing with? I just truly find this all a bit overwhelming and I'm not quite sure what is in the best interest of my son.

Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Jen

Welcome!

Other, much more knowledgeable, people will be along to help anwer your questions, I am sure. But I just wanted to let you know that you have been giving your son what he needs all along. If there were any major problems you had overlooked, there would be evidence of his great unhappiness in school. And from what it sounds like, he seems happy enough. Also, as evidenced by his improving scores over time, he is learning every year, even though it may not be at the pace at which he is capable.

I think you are off to a good start in advocating for your son, and the school seems like they have been working to get him what he needs more recently, albeit none of it during actual class time. Perhaps he needs more during class time in addition to the afterschool opportunities they are offering him. So, whether he needs more is something you should think about. In thinking about it, consider what your values are regarding education, what you want for him out of schooling and life. You've made the first steps in figuring out what he needs now, which is to identify through testing and observation where his strengths lie and where they lie on the continuum (consistently 97th to 99th percentile is quite high). Again, other people will be along shortly to give you ideas on what to do next to help you answer the question of how you tell smart from gifted, but IMO, if his school is noticing and acting upon these scores, then he's something out of the ordinary.

Have confidence that you have been meeting his needs and that by investigating what, if anything, to do next, you are continuing to meet his needs. Even if you ignored or just didn't realize that he needed more, it's never too late. You sound like a loving parent, and that, after all, is what all kids need most.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I will say that the social problems have always been more of a concern, and somewhat overshadowed his brightness, to be honest. I was the Mom to the 2/3 year old who hated attention - you couldn't sing happy birthday to him, he was the child who at 3 wouldn't get on stage to sing for the parents at preschool, but sobbed and sobbed on the floor. It used to break my heart to watch him at a birthday party where you could see the internal struggle going on - he wanted to join in so badly, but just could not make himself do so. He was an extremely serious child and curious about everything - never without a book in his hands. Funny, too - he knew at the age of 2 that you somehow got to our house, you didn't just appear there - so the second you walked in the door, he would ask you where your car was. He could not relax until that person had pointed out where their car was. Always so anxious - sobbing in the post office when he was 4 because I realized he was reading the "WANTED" posters on the wall and thinking they would come after him! At age 4 his preschool teachers called us in (we purposely sent him to a preschool that focused more on social interaction, learn through play than one that focused on academics as he could already read and write) - they said he was sticking to the library by himself all the time and it was near impossible to coax him out. Their solution was to ask him to read to the other children, in order to help him be social on his terms - but, the other issues was that there is no gray area with my son - everything is black or white. He couldn't play games with other kids his age as they didn't care about the rules and to DS, who could read and understand the rules, it was unacceptable to not play by the rules. At the preschools urging, we had him see the head of child psychology at a local university for awhile where he was diagnosed with borderline social anxiety and was in therapy for about 6 or 8 months. Kids have always liked my son, though he just didn't know how to interact with them. His bonds have always been stronger with girls, which I assumed was a maturity thing. His 3rd grade teacher called us in saying she had "good news and bad news" - the good news being that DS was making real friends - the bad news being that he was talking too much in class! (I was somewhat happy to hear that!) He's made huge strides socially and many people don't believe me when I say what he was like when he was younger.

Academically the school has run hot and cold. His K teacher tortured him because he was forgetful - even going so far as humiliating him in front of the class. At that point DS hated school. We went to her because we knew he was bored out of his mind but she told us that "he would eventually level off". Um, ok...we didn't know enough to fight this at the time. I later found out (from the custodian!!) that when she wasn't humiliating him, she would have him read to the class so she could work done at her desk! One part of me was furious about that, another part of me knows that he probably loved it and it was good for him.

Anyway, the school has run hot and cold since - his first grade teacher was wonderful and would let us pick his independent reader as he was way beyond what she had in class. The TLC class is something he truly loves and last year the ALP program was a great experience for him. But, I am second guessing whether we have done enough for him, should we do more and truly - where does he fall? Is he just bright, is he gifted? The schools attitude is funny - almost like they always assume DS will do well, so it's never a big deal when he does. He recently won the District spelling bee for 4th and 5th graders (when he was in 4th) and the attitude was almost like "oh yeah, Conor won...big surprise..." Both the TLC and ALP prorams are at risk due to cutbacks and I will fight that tooth and nail as that's all he has. Sometimes I feel like they count on him to pull their averages up, but that's all....yet the fact that he's forgetful is still a huge issue to them.

I guess we'll have him take the SCAT and see what the results are and go from there. He's very interested in taking an IQ test, just out of curiosity and his competetive nature, but we haven't decided about that. I only did the registration online yesterday so I'm sure it will be a while before he takes the actual test. I did have him do the pretest already and he got all the verbal right and 1 wrong on the math. No matter where he falls, I am so lucky to be the Mom of this bright, funny, sweet boy!

Sorry for rambling so much, and for being so scattered - as you might tell, my thoughts are all over the place regarding these issues and concerns...

Thanks again for any and all help - I have learned so much just by reviewing these boards.