Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Feeling defeated again...

I have not been posting at all lately. DS7 is in public school 3rd grade (Skipped 1st). At the end of last year this year his future 3rd grade teacher seemed on board with challenging DS. I decided to stay in the background this year and see how things went.

Just got off the phone with 3rd grade teacher and wish I had been more involved. I feel defeated. Got the "everyone has evened out speech". DS is a behavior problem---again. DS does not put any effort into his work. I am so frustrated... just needed to write it down.

Oh my. So sorry.


It's not your fault that this teacher has embraced one of the lamest myths to come down the pike of educational inequalities. You could have been talking to this person every other day for the last six weeks without necessarily changing (her?) mind. I mean, if everyone has evened out, they should all get the same score on the standardized high-stakes test, right? RIGHT? Oh, wrong. Sorry.

Repeat after me: the ignorance of this "educator" is not your fault.

My advice: take a deep breath and forget this for a few days. The only way to make a positive change will be if you approach the situation when feeling better, with a different way of looking at the problem. You probably won't be able to do that when you're stressed. So enjoy the weekend. Sleep, eat, have fun. Deal with this when your mind is clear.

Val

Ahh yes, everyone has evened out in third grade...so that they are now the completely equally intelligent human beings that they will be for the rest of their lives. Because we all know that all adults are the same.

What this means is that most students should be able to figure out words (called word attack). After this point, comprehension becomes the important issue. This phase is for life.

I'm sorry, I know it's frustrating! My DS does not put much effort into it either & I don't think his teacher particularly likes him. What type of behavior problems is he having? Are they due to boredom?

Sorry to hear about this. It isn't your fault - it can be a good choice to "stay in the background" at times. It is still early in the year.

Can you talk to son and get some sense of his perspective. And what sort of behavioral issues and what is the plan to address them. They may or may not be linked to boredom, you know his history in that regard. But it worthy of more investigation.

Do they do any pretesting to find out what your child already knows. Can you arrange for it?

My response to the "all kids end up even up" is to smile sweetly and say, "yes that does happen eventually if you don't bother to teach the ones that are further along anything new." Warehousing isn't just a term that applies to the education of special needs/developmentally delayed.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Cat

Hi Crisc,
Don't feel bad thinking things would have been better if you were more involved. I don't think it would have mattered. All but 1 teacher we have encountered could not teach outside the cookie cutter box. They simply teach to the average child and too bad for the ones outside that box. They don't want any extra work. I have accepted the fact that if I want my child to learn I have to teach him myself. I thank CTY everyday this year.

I have a theory about this "lovely" idea: I think that it came about because when kids have been pushed to memorize things at a young age, by parents thinking it will "give them the edge", the children seem highly intelligent until about 3rd grade, when they suddenly reach material where the "front loading" done by over zealous parents reaches its limit. At this point kids who had previously been thought to be super bright do seem to "level out" with their age peers. The problem is, that there are many more of these types of kids than kids like ours, so when a teacher runs into a truly gifted kid they don't recognize it for what it is - a truly smart kid.
I have no proof of this, but, based on what I have experienced with DD7 and other parents trying to find out "our trick" to teaching her all that she knows already and having been a teacher in many K-12 schools, I think it has some validity to it.

I can see it, Kerry. While I think that a kid that's subject-matter advanced, properly taught, can of course learn new concepts, there are probably parents that do cram their kids full of rote learning.

I still think that the most likely explanations for the leveling-out idea are 1) it's an inaccurate but comfortable idea for some, and 2) kids can have their edges dulled by years of learning nothing new.

Yes! This is totally it! The hothoused children even out to where they should be in school when they move from learning to read to reading to learn.