Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy finding friends for son with quirky interests

Hello.
This is my 1st post on this board.
My bright 5 yr old son has unusual interests- geography and lighthouses. (He likes learning about everything- but these are his primary interests now.)
He has been obsessed with both of these things since he was 3. He learned about geography from puzzles and books, and remembers the shapes and locations of countries. He is also very knowledgeable about lighthouses- he can recognize them and tell you all about them. We've visited a lot of lighthouses.

He started kinder a few weeks ago. The other day he told me that none of the kids in his class share his interests. He said that there is no one he can really talk to, and it makes him feel sad. (Then he added- I have lots of friends I can play with though.)

He's a very outgoing kid, and likes to play sports, draw, and do other activities like the other kids. He has a few play dates a week, and keeps busy. (He is an only child.) I just wish he had some friends who are more like him- kids who either share his interests or are passionate about something and very verbal. Any suggestions?
His school doesn't put kids in the gifted program until 3rd grade (and I don't know if he'll get into it.)
Many thanks.

Welcome! I don't have much in the way of suggestions, beyond, leap at any opportunity that seems promising. It's great that your DS recognises that he has friends he can play with, even though they aren't into talking about the things he likes to talk about. It's a common problem around here.

My suggestion is to start playing up the idea that different people have different interests. Uncle Bob loves studying and growing orchids, Grandma loves to travel, Sally loves jazz, etc. It is normal that people have passions and they don't necessarily have people to share those passions with.

One thing I've noticed happens sometimes with families is that kids get a mistaken impression from parents. Of course nice parents go out of their way to indulge interests and it is great that you can take him to visit lighthouses. But, at the same time the reality is that this is an unusual interest not just for a five year old but in general and just because mom and dad are nice to indulge it doesn't mean that other kids, gifted or not, will care about it. It is great to have unusual interests, but that doesn't mean other people will share them. So, my suggestion would be to talk about the uniqueness of different people's interests and if he's interested also encourage some discussion about more general interests that he can share with his same age peer group as well.

Thank you, Colinsmum and passthepotatoes.

Good suggestions. Yes, I did tell him that he has unusual interests, and pointed out that he can talk to kids about the things they have in common.
I just hope he can meet some kids this year who are also passionate in their interests (other than tv shows) and verbal.

Do his interests interfere with his conversations with friends in that he only wants to talk about geography and lighthouses? Is he willing to talk with others about their interests or does he always try to bring the topic back to his interests? If so then I would work with him on this social skill IMHO.

I would also try to cultivate other interests for him as well by reading other topics to him and watching other shows on other topics.

My ds wants to talk about many things that kids his age are not interested in such as astrononmy, sub-atomic particles, evolution, etc. I have to give him concrete examples of conversation topics for kids his age (8 years) on a regular basis such as Star Wars, Pokemon, Legos, Avatar, etc. which also interest my ds. I also have found social skills videos useful for him since he is a nerdy genius

Our problems over the years have been more that even if other kids share an interest, they are not as intense or deeply involved in the interest as D is. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, insects, etc... She would be so excited when another child would say, "Oh, I like <blank>, too!". Then she would proceed to blow them away with her trivia knowledge... and come away very disappointed that their knowledge was superficial compared to hers.

Some of her best friendships have formed online (she is 15 now, so we are about 10 years ahead of you ). Mostly with kids she met through various gifted/talent search/Davidson type programs. So I would encourage you to take your son to those types of get togethers/activities as he gets older. You might try Mensa (we have not, but others in our area have had good luck there).

"Do his interests interfere with his conversations with friends in that he only wants to talk about geography and lighthouses? Is he willing to talk with others about their interests or does he always try to bring the topic back to his interests?"

No, I don't think that's a problem. He plays with lots of kids at school, and many kids want to have play dates with him. At our house they play with legos, building toys, trains, etc. I'm sure he'll be fine- I'm just venting.
thanks!