Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Will she ever slow down!?!

This is more a vent that anything else! When my daughter was little (well, she's still little at 4.5, but 'littler') my husband and I would speak in hushed tones about the day she might actually require even just a little less input from us. It'll happen over time we thought, as she gets bigger she'll become more self contained, she'll come to enjoy her wonderful imagination and see the limitations of ours - surely she will, we thought.

She hasn't... Instead she has become more and more intense and her play needs more complex. Sometimes, like today, it seems like she NEVER stops talking (she's still talking right now, without me in the room!). Similarly, her imagination never shuts down. My husband, dd and I have been living in an endless role play for the past 2 years - non stop. The characters have changed along the way (depending on which books series we're reading usually), but we are all assigned a character and dd insists we all refer to each other as the character's name. Mostly this is bearable, even fun, but goodness it takes a lot of energy! Each new character involves her explaining how the world works again and finding out about us as our characters - "do you know what stairs are for?", "have you ever seen a shop?" (you must reply no so she can explain whatever it is to you), "do you have a television at your house?", "does your mum read to you?", "why/why not?". Our every day activities take on the themes of the stories (invariably fairies at the moment - so a trip to the shops becomes an quest of some type or other for example)

I am probably heading toward the pointy end of the introversion scale and I'm someone who has a limited capacity for imagination before I become crazy bored. I love her to death and I am in absolute awe of her capacity for creative thought, but I could really do with an off switch from time to time!

(I should say that as long as she can see I am busy she can entertain herself very well - so I haven't really got much to complain about - it would just be great from time to time to do something mindless, even for 5 minutes!)

That was all - not really much point to it other than to vent to others who understand! Thanks for listening

BTDT :-) It's great that she'll amuse herself when she can see you're busy - now it's time to add a "mummy needs some peace and quiet" mode. Maybe a visual signal of that?

It does get better, at least IME. At nearly 7, DS still has a mode where he talks continuously, but isn't in that mode ALL DAY as seemed to be the case when he was 4. (With hindsight, there were always times even then when he wasn't in that mode, e.g. when engrossed in a book - but I do remember the nursery staff asking whether he *ever* stopped talking.) What I still find infuriating is that he doesn't seem able to talk and do something else at the same time, so when he's supposed to be getting dressed he'll be talking instead. I wouldn't mind if he'd do both at the same time!

Little'un (nearing 11 years old now) has calmed down a lot, but we still have the occasional 20 minute non-stop chat about something he obviously knows loads about and just has to get off his chest. Eventually we just say to him "hey mate, you've gone into one again" and he realises and quietens down (generally). Still, he comes up with some interesting stuff.

As for the role playing, until he was about 6 or 7 he used to get me to sit on the carpet with him with his action toys (Thunderbirds models) and get me to act out whole stories . I found this mind numbing (especially at 5 a.m. - but that's another issue) almost to the point of screaming - perhaps I should've been harder - but i held it together. He does have a fantastic imagination.

SO I guess I'm saying it is hard, very hard, and maybe you have to be strict but enjoy the fact that your little'un has a great imagination and capacity for play. Yes, be stricter, that's what I should have been/done

Oh - did I mention Omega 3 fish oils which helped calm him down enough so he could attend nursery and actually sit down and concentrate a little - a miracle at the time (he was 3)

Is this a single child? If so, I think it's extremely important that she learns that others (including parents) need time and space - she seems to be doing this part which is great. Then she also needs to learn - , and it can appear somewhat cruel, that others are not always interested in every little thing she is doing. This can come as quite a revelation to the kid who has been the center of attention for a long time. It is also tricky for the parents, especially of a creative, gifted kid - because we are naturally somewhat awed by with their behavior/conversation (I try not to be too much, but I think it's just human nature). If there are siblings around, they pretty much do this 'job' for the parents - as they have no problem in letting each other know that what they are doing - dare I say it is - boring/going on too long/not what they want to be doing?. I often tell my kid, when he wants to go rambling on about something, that he needs to 'consider his audience'. Is this interesting to them - seriously? I wouldn't give this advice out generally - of course we all want our kids to come to us, and tell us what's on their mind, but in cases like these, I think it's highly unlikely that the kid will shut down communication!

Once you find that off switch, can you pass it on to me??

Seriously, have you looked into Dabroswki's Overexcitabilities?

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowski.htm

lulu

We started to tell little'un that he had to be aware that he may be boring his audience. He asked how he would know when they were getting bored - like them yawning, or looking away. Maybe it is because he is an only child with us always interested in what he has to say, despite the content: that is a good observation.
Anyhow, the bottom line in his situation is that he has to learn some valuable important social skills - number 1 don't bore the pants off your audience

As the father of a nine-year-old run-on sentence, I feel your pain.

I'm pretty good at understanding "high-speed" speech, but this kid pushes my limit daily. Since he first learned to string a few sentences together, we've offered the recurring admonishment, "Slowy, loudly, clearly... we can't understand what you are saying."

His teachers worked with him on this at school over the last couple of years and claim to have some improvement. If this is true, DS is not demonstrating his restraint at home. But if he really is better at school, I can -- I think -- deal with it at home until it becomes more automatic for him.

Last night, he was regaling me with his adventures in Runescape for about 20 minutes non-stop. And I do mean non-stop. As in... I don't know for certain that he actually stopped to draw a breath.

I was particularly tired last night so didn't attempt to interrupt (not that I could have) so in the end all I recall is, "Hey Dad, today on Runescape I...[blah-blah]... Level 525...[blah-blah]... attack...[blah-blah]... quest...[blah-blah]... challenge...[blah-blah]... gold...[blah-blah]... spirit...[blah-blah]... helm...[blah-blah]... mods...[blah-blah]... server...[blah-blah]..." ad astra, ad infinitum.

*sigh*

My ball of energy and non-stop talking is almost 9 and STILL going strong! I agree, the "moment of silence" rule has to kick in. I tell my kids 'Mommy needs 5 minutes of quiet time". Sometimes I even tell them, ENOUGH! Mandatory quiet time now! Go read a book, take a rest, but it's mandatory quiet time now" or else I lose my mind! DD even talks in her sleep and sleep walks so let me tell you.... SHE NEVER STOPS! LOL! Their minds are constantly going and for a verbal child, they just can't hlep it

i always thought we were alone - you all have the same story!!

You'd think a book would stop them, right? Well, not! "You have to read this with me, Mummy ... and listen to this ... and that ....". This afternoon, I banned DS7 to his room to read and you should have seen him zipping in and out to me like a bee to the hive with yet another juicy tidbit to share from his book. He even tilts my head to the right direction to make sure I'm paying attention to what he's pointing at, groan.