Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Am I doing the right thing?

Last Winter I got two offers for slots in preschools for the coming Fall. I turned them both down, because Hanni, not yet 2 at the time, was really crowd-avoidant and having serious separation issues. Up till now I've been doing "share care" where a babysitter takes care of her and another little girl. It's been the best of both worlds for us.

Fast forward to this summer. All her friends are being put in daycare or preschool in September, which means no share care. So she will probably be one-on-one with a babysitter for the forseeable future.

I worry that she won't get enough time with other kids (although there's young kids around the neighborhood in the evenings). On the other hand, I love how much she gets out of being with an adult (I've had a series of really fabulous college students) who can respond to her interests and needs. On the third hand, while all that individual attention is great for her cognitive development, I worry that it's bad for her character! Is she getting too used to being the center of an adult's attention? On the fourth hand, even though her introvert issues are much better, I still worry that the crowd scene for long hours at a preschool would stress her out.

Other considerations are that the solo care is expensive, since I'm no longer sharing the cost of the sitter. (Not that preschool is cheap.) And naps. Keeping her sleep schedule stabilized is a delicate issue (as some of you may remember from my previous posts!) She would not nap at preschool, and even if she could their nap is at the wrong time for her.

Augh! I don't even know what my question is. Just wondering if any of you have useful thoughts. (It's probably a moot point now anyway, since the preschools are all filled up for the Fall.)

Cheers,
Meg

You can put her name down on a waiting list and if the opportunity comes up later in the year, you can decide whether to take the preschool option or not. Sounds like you have a wonderful set-up for her and there will be plenty of opportunities for preschool down the road.

Hi Meg
My DS is starting his 3rd year of preschool, he went at 2.5 for 3 afternoons, then at 3.5 5 mornings and this fall he is is going 5 day full day after doing 5 days of camp for the summer at the same place. DS is an only so I thought it was important that he socialize with other kids. However, my main reason for sending him was so he could get into the next year's class - the afternoon led to the morning to the full day and then people could take spaces if there were any left. I don't know if my kid is typical gifted in preferences if there is such a thing, but he prefers the adults. Especially at 2.5. he loved the songs and the routine and charming them. As for the other kids, I think he more got used to them, in playmates at that age, it was completely parallel play - at 4.5 he still does that sometimes because most kids won't do his level of imaginative play. The flip side is that he has a very hard time with the fact that kids won't do what he wants them to. Adults do, especially his parents, sure you wants us to stand a round and hop!! And the negative sides of socialization exist too - hitting, biting, being mean. So I think both sides are valuable - but I think I come down on the side of the knowledge first, socialization second, so I think the sitter will be just as valuable if not more. If your DD was 6 and you were worried about socialization, I think you might have a point, but not now. Now is when you can foster a love of learning and reading and nature and that's great one on one. As another perspective not sure this is worth anything but bottom line, you can't really go wrong here, unless your kid is miserable!

DeHe

We had the same dilemma with Mr W.

We finally decided to put him in Montessori at 1.5 years because he was adept at manipulating his sitters and we wanted to get him something he was not getting at home. A year later, he starts real Pre-K with kids 2 years older than him.

You still have options. Look for some mommy and me clubs in your area. We have quite a few and they are very active groups with playdates and outings every week. It is possible for the babysitter to take your DD to the groups. At least with this option she will have socialization time with other kids. In the meantime resubmit her to the preschools if you still think it would be in her best interest to go to the school. And as Austin suggested, there are other types of schools out there but that really depends on your area. Most have Montessori schools.

We started with a social preschool and changed quickly into an academic Spanish Immersion program. DD also does extra activities such as dance but this year we are starting her in piano lessons as well. The nice thing is the program comes to her school so it is one less activity that I have to drive to.

DD started full-day, 5-day-a-week preschool at 3. There were some separation / transition issues for the first couple of months (which mostly went away when she moved from the 2s-and-younger-3s class to the older-3s-to-5s class), but she'd been desperate to go to preschool, and really enjoyed it.

She would not have enjoyed preschool at 2, so we kept her home. And she still turned out pretty well, despite having been the center of attention until 3.

I sent my son to child care at 20 months, not for his benefit, but for mine as I was a single parent with little support and needed a break. We do attachment parenting in our family so this was a big deal for me, but in the end I think it was unavoidable.
Initially it was great for him, he loved the adults and his interactions with the other toddlers were mostly positive, despite most of theme not being at the same verbal level he was at. He didn't sleep at all in his first centre (7months)and instead chatted away to the carers at nap time and enjoyed being the centre of attention (normal!). I was happy with this arrangement, as I knew he'd be very distressed if they pressured him to sleep without me.
As he got older (and moved to a better centre) he really enjoyed his time there and began to play with the other children, however he found it very frustrating trying to relate to children who were more impulsive than he, and his strong sense of justice really came out then. His expectations of other children were very high. He understood that pushing another child over was not an acceptable way to respond to conflict, and according to him, the other children should too! Tricky stuff for a 3 year old to cope with.(Frustratingly, he's now exploring aggression fully at 6, sigh.)

I could say a lot more about his experiences with early childhood education and how it led to my choice to homeschool but I don't think that it would be relevant to the OP.

Hi MegMeg,

I think there is no one "right thing."

For some kids, all that one-on-one would be stifling; for some it would be perfect. You only get to parent the child you have, not some hypothetical child with hypothetical needs-- which means you'll watch her for signs of whether the situation is producing the kind of growth you like. You know her best, so you'll notice it.

If you start to see that the situation with the babysitter isn't adequate for any reason, you can change it up a little or a lot. Other posters have had good suggestions (mom's clubs, play dates, library storytimes, parks and rec...).

You can certainly get onto waiting lists and check out schools in the meantime. Because of the recession some good preschools around here still have open slots-- and slots do open regularly as parents lose their jobs and pull their kids . Maybe that's the case where you are too. Doesn't hurt to be on the list at schools you think could work.

Balancing the finances vs. the nap sounds like the toughest aspect. I hope Hanni will be resilient and you will be at peace with what you decide.

If you end up hating what you decide, you can change it up again. There are usually some costs to making a switch, but it's not the end of the world.

DeeDee

Holy kershmolie!

I called the preschool closest to us to make sure I was still on their waiting list, and they have an opening for Sept. 2! Now I have to decide!!!

I think I'll see if I can take her there tomorrow morning for some observation time. Yikes! Thanks for all your great input!

Meg

Great news Meg. Let us know what you decide.