Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Why would they call this a gift?

Yes, we're doing something wrong! For some inconceivable reason, we've chosen to frame our interaction in the most competitive, imbalanced manner possible. If we wanted to have fun, we should have picked an activity at which we were more-evenly matched, or which wasn't competitive by nature.

Social interaction is not an intellectual competition.

No, I don't think so. I presume that pro basketball players don't hate basketball so much that playing on their own would be intolerable, and since playing with me would be rather like playing alone I'm sure it wouldn't be awful. For me, it would be highly amusing.

But I don't think that this is a good analogy. Having a conversation is not like playing a game of sports. It's not a competition. It's about exchanging ideas, and I personally do not subscribe to the view that people who are highly gifted are the only ones with interesting ideas. I've learned a lot from people who are moderately gifted or normally developing. I've even learned things from people who have severe intellectual deficits. While most people might be lousy at basketball, it does not follow that most people must be lousy at conversation.

I understand that it can be hard to move past a fatalistic prediction made by someone you trust, but I think it's time to do just that.

I am MG and have the social interaction issues...or used to. I think it might be because of Aspegers that runs in my family, but being female, I was never diagnosed. I do know that the issue wasn't usually so much a matter of how much more I knew, but how much faster my mind went. It was like going down a river with multiple forks and a small boat, one discussion bringing up so many possible topics, while the other person was moving down the same river in a bigger boat and couldn't take any of the forks. I know weird analogy, but it's the closest I can get to issue. I would go down a fork because my mind was following what I believed was the logical next step, but most people went another way.

I have learned to take a moment, think about where the other person is going, and follow a conversation appropriately. It's still difficult for me, but much more comfortable. And, I still only have a small group of friends who can follow my leaps of logic and they consider me somewhat witty.:)

My advice is that everyone has something they are extremely good at. Sometimes, finding that context will allow you to have an interesting conversation with people you never thought would interest you. That doesn't mean that these will become your closest friends, but it will help you communicate better.:)

Syler,
My recommendation is that you contact Dr. Edward Amend. He may be able to steer you towards some resources. His focus is on gifted children and adolescents but it sounds like some of the issues are related to that time of your life.
http://www.amendpsych.com/
P.S. This was the link mentioned earlier about verbal giftedness
http://themorechild.com/2010/08/03/wisenheimer-a-story-of-a-verbal-giftedness/

I have read this thread as it unfolded and I suspect I have had the reaction you get from others, first sympathy, then empathy as I am also 2e, then irritation, then anger, then frustration. I chose to not post my increasingly annoyed reactions to avoid degenerating into a flame war over something that is clearly important you.

Syler, the way I understood your basic question was this: you are having difficulty maintaining relationships with people, but you don't know why. Some of what you've said (like, "Maybe, people simply don't like people who are different") gave me the impression that you are concerned that there is something intrinsically unlikeable about you. People who grow up in the kind of situation you described in your introductory post often have feelings like that. I really think there's nothing wrong with you!

If you want to explore this issue you are having with relationships, consider this: it's pretty impossible to change other people. What you do have control over is you. So in order to change the state of affairs (which is obviously causing you distress!) the logical thing to do is try to figure out what you could change about your behavior (and in that I'm including the way you think about things) that would improve the situation. I think the advice people are offering you here is offered with that in mind.

I have a lot to respond to here.

The analogy about basketball was in reference to my interaction with the general public. Why people assumed it referred to them I have no idea. That was in no way implied.

Furthermore, it is an analogy about the frustration that can occur any time there is interaction between people of vastly different abilities. It isn't about competition and like most analogies, it isn't perfect. The point of the analogy, presented to me by a psychologist was that such frustrations are normal in my case and the only solution is to seek out people with whom I have more in common and with whom there will not be such a disparity. If I have been doing anything wrong, it is probably not making more of an effort to follow his advise.

I'd also like to say that I do appreciate people's efforts to help me but I think it is worth pointing out that while I am thankful for any info that might be of use, I never asked to be fixed.

A big part of my reason for posting was just to share my experiences with you thinking I am probably not alone in my experiences and might find some common ground.

Instead of understanding, what I have received more than anything in my short time here is people bludgeoning me with their opinions about what is wrong with me and what I ought to do to fix my self.

I have to wonder at this point if all of you also do this to your children. Because if you do, I am here to tell you that you might want to consider taking a different tact while your children still have an ounce of self esteem.

If you are going to insist that something needs to be fixed, you first need to establish that it is broken. People who have a hard time relating to others due to a disparity in their abilities are not necessarily broken. Sure, that person may benefit from learning techniques that will help them better navigate the world in which they live, but insisting they are damaged goods and attacking them for not owning the label as fast as you think they should doesn't do anyone any good.

I urge you all to take a break from your criticism of me for a moment and take a good hard look at the way you have all responded to me. In only a few short posts, several of you have completely broken down into flat out attacks of my character. Why? Because I did not accept your initial assessment of me without question or because I suggested a different explanation might be possible? Is there a single post in which I insulted anyone here? Am I obligated to accept and agree with everything everyone says in this forum? Are all of your assessments so perfect that anyone not accepting them unconditionally deserves to be chastised?

To all those who have maintained their patience and posted constructive comments, I thank you. But to those of you who find it necessary to assail my character, I can only say that it is my most sincere hope you do not treat your children similarly.

I think the comments were made out of love...toward enlightenment... from concerned people...reminded me when Zooey took on Franny

I think that many of us have felt marginalized by our giftedness and/or our children's giftedness. I know I have! In my case, though, I know that I really do have some social deficits. So I can't attribute all of my social difficulties to my high IQ.

I do struggle with the idea that there is something wrong with me, partly because of my parents' (rather misguided, but probably well-intended) efforts to "fix" me. At the same time, though, I recognize that my issues are real. I'm trying to frame my efforts to change as a way to stretch my boundaries and grow as a person rather than fixing something that is wrong with me.

Well a squeaky wheel should get oiled. �You came here for conversation, and I'm guessing for conversation about something other than just yourself. �May I suggest or invite you to start a thread or two under Learning Environments, or Age-Specific College thread ((that one's empty and needs posts)). �Go make some threads about these great things that you want to discuss. �You'd be surprised what the parents here have discussed in passing- Locke and Jefferson, well. �Don't worry about what you've already missed. �Just jump in where we are now. �Post on the topics you've studied and make yourself a resource. �Maybe someone else has the same interests and you'll get your conversation. �Maybe someone else will learn something new. �Go make a new thread, bro. �Make yourself useful. �I've seen here what looks like psychiatrists and lawyers and scientists and math nerds. �What will you be Syler?

You make it into a gift when you share it.