Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Why would they call this a gift?

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but it seems like the only one I have found. So, let me introduce myself and I apologize in advance for the rant.

I grew up a twice-exceptional child (borderline genius level with dyslexia). Unfortunately my education was horribly mismanaged by a woefully inadequate school system and parents that had their own problems. To make matters worse, my parents divorced when I was four and my father along with most adults in my life chose to respond to my needs with abuse and ridicule rather than guidance or understanding.

So, I was put into a special-ed class designed for the slow kids for a while and treated as a behavior problem through my entire time in school. To add to this, I was horribly abused by a father who was disappointed by a son who enjoyed chemistry rather than football. I had my very own class bully raising me - a gift indeed.

Needless to say, making friends was difficult and I grew up an outcast never knowing why. After all, I am not a nerdy type and am not overtly different from others. In fact, most of my life has been spent wondering why so many dislike me when I can see no reason why they would and trying my best to fit in. Although I have been somewhat socially successful at times, it just always seems that there is something about me that puts people off. I have even wondered if perhaps I had done something horrible in a past life and I am being punished by God by way of a particularly cruel form of torment.

I am now 42 years old, still single with a few good friends (I know that is more than most) and no wife or children. Although I have been successful in getting girls, finding one of high caliber is hard because such women typically require a level of social standing that I have never been able to achieve.

Much of this is because as I pointed out, life has been particularly challenging and I have been poor most of my life and have always had difficulty making friends.

So I wonder, why do they call what I have a gift? Had I been born more average, my life would be infinitely better than it is now. I would probably have a better career, possibly not have been abused by my father, have more friends, and probably a wife and family. And I have not even touched upon the fact that I have few people in my life that I am able to carry on a conversation that is remotely interesting. To attempt to converse with most people is to realize that I must avoid anything stimulating for fear of exposing the obvious discrepancy in our levels of intelligence and therefore alienating them. Oh, and of course because of my difficulty in school, I am a "know it all" with no credibility and all of my opinions should be ignored and ridiculed. I can't help but feel that if I had a Dr. in front of my name, people would regard what I think differently.

So, if this is a "gift" it is a really crappy one and I wish I knew where I could take it for a refund. But since that isn't an option, I guess I'll have to just find ways of coping and find people more like myself.

I'm hoping this will be a good place to start.

Hey there. My DH is also HG and dyslexic (and ADHD), and had a rough family life and an awful school experience. In fact, he could have written 90% of your post. Weird, huh? The difference, I guess, is that DH did end up with a "Dr." in front of his name. He went to college at 29 after dropping out of high school. He has had to struggle his whole life, but he's never given up. For him, being 2E is a gift. He wouldn't be the wonderful, creative, brilliant, driven man he is without having experienced challenges in his life.

Have you considered going back to school? Or changing careers to something you'd find more fulfilling? Perhaps starting a business? Or doing something creative on the side? It's never too late, you know.

What is "DH"?

I now own a small business and I'm doing fairly well which is more than a lot of people can say these days. In fact, my income is comfortable.

I didn't mention that I dropped out of high school and wound up going back to college in my 20s where I majored in biology. I did fairly well but again, family issues cut me off at the knees. Getting into medical school is a lot harder when you get nothing but stress from your family and no help on top of a learning disability.

Although I often lament what I could have become had I had reasonably competent parents, I am thankful for what I have.

The worst part of it all is this lurking beast that keeps interfering with all of my personal relationships and my efforts to fit in. It is as if no matter how hard I try or what I do, people somehow notice that I am different and shut me out. It's as if no matter how well I conceal things, something always gives me away and I can never figure out what it is.

I do have a couple of good friends that are highly intelligent but in general I lack the social competence that women find so desirable in a man so I am still single. Oh, I know how to talk to women and know how to attract them, but eventually my low social standing always winds up pulling the rug out from under me. Out of all the women I have been with, I have had two and a half semi long term relationships. Nearly all the rest were one nighters. The two ended due to my being different.

I presume should I become fully wealthy, it would lend credence to my views as this would validate my intelligence in a way that society values and recognizes. When a poor man speaks intelligently, he is an annoying "know it all." When a rich man does the same he is a guy people ought to listen to.

Which brings me to another thing that sucks. Seeing people's true nature and living in a constant state of disappointment as a result. To understand social exchange theory and social dynamics is to be disappointed by humanity in the most profound way.

I guess I'd just rather believe that my dog loves me because he loves me and not because he is driven by instinct to be socially aligned with his food provider.

People and dogs are remarkably similar.

[Insert D-word of your choice - I generally read it as "dear," but I've also seen people translate it as "darling" or even "d- -n"] Husband.

DD = daughter
DS = son
DC = child / children
DW = wife
DP = partner


Mmmm. A relationship based on concealing something essential to yourself is never going to be a good one. I personally have found cognitive-behavioral therapy to be useful in dealing with things that interfere with personal relationships. In my own personal experience, a lot of the issues other people had with me were more in my head than in theirs.

DH is short for "dear husband."

You might find that people who are quirky often tolerate others' quirks pretty well. You might also find regional differences. We recently moved from a very conservative area in which I felt people were judging me for what I wore to the grocery store to a city where people couldn't care less, and it is very refreshing. DH & I also both found refuge in subcultures and in the arts.

I'll also say that DH has a lot of insecurity leftover from being called "stupid" (etc.) and he sometimes overcompensates by trying extra hard to seem smart. Since he is obviously very smart, when he tries to act smart he comes off as arrogant. He's just the opposite, but to someone who is genuinely less intelligent, I'm sure it seems very obnoxious.

If you are having problems finding a woman who wants to be with you, perhaps you should reconsider the type of woman you want to be with. A woman who isn't interested because you don't have an advanced degree or loads of cash simply may not be the one for you. I can assure you that there are plenty of attractive, intelligent, caring women in the world who appreciate intelligence, wit, and even quirkiness. Personally, I fell for DH in his first year of college, and tried for years to talk him out of going to medical school.

If you are in your 40s and not financially and emotionally healthy, then that is a red flag for a good woman.

If the first thing you think of is how bad the past treated you, then its really hard to think of anything positive.

Austin you hit the nail on the head. Another area in which women are highly acute has to do with social proof.

Social proof is a shortcut people use in absence of adequate information as to the correct course of action. In such a situation, most people will rely on the judgment of others. Women use social proof to determine a man's social standing which they link to his ability to provide for and protect their offspring. The King's best friend is a far better bet than a guy with no friends.

I think my problem is mainly that I have an insatiable need for stimulating conversation and I often say things that while correct, might make others feel stupid.

After all, people tend to like people with whom they compare favorably. When people feel another is different or feel like they do not measure favorably, it is natural not to choose that person's company.

no5no5, I have noticed that some are more accepting than others. But I don't fit in with them either.

Because yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift;
That's why it's called "the present."

I don't think that this is true. I think that people like people who feel that they compare favorably. You want to be around someone who appreciates and respects you. Other people are the same. If you don't appreciate and respect those around you, regardless of their relative intelligence level, of course they won't want to be your friend. If you do, they will, despite the fact that they may recognize that you are more intelligent.


You can't hope to fit in. But no one can, really. Everyone is different from the average person in one way or another. If fitting in is your goal, you are bound to be disappointed. Perhaps, instead, you should seek to be a valued and respected member of a diverse community of individuals.

That's why I am here. I need to find people similar to my self. I guess I also need to learn to be patient with people. I guess that a lifetime of being misunderstood and consequentially mistreated has made it difficult for me to deal with people who seldom understand what I say.

But it isn't just me. Often, I say something that people don't understand and they respond with ridicule. I can tell that they don't get what I'm saying or that maybe they do get it but resent the fact that it flies in the face of what they thought or believed. People don't like being wrong or having their ideas put down - they feel humiliated. They like to have their own ideas validated and they shun those who make them feel otherwise.

I guess maybe I should learn to filter what I talk about and just talk about certain things with my more intelligent friends.