Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Four year old is driving me crazy!!!

Hi,
I'm new and don't know where else to turn because I feel as though no one understands my frustration. I'm quite sure that my four year old is gifted, his milestones were always met way before his peers,he began to read at 3 and he now does addition and subtraction. The child has always spoken NON STOP!!!!! since his first word at eight months.

My frustration is coming from his overly dramatic personality. He falls and skins his knee and cries like he just got hit by a car! I feel as though I am on edge with him all day because he is so "go, go ,go" all day. He is so easily bored and he always needs something to do. This was a bit easier for me before I had my second son who is now six months. He's so intense and everything is such a big deal in his mind. I feel so bad that he's frustrating me this much because he is such a good, loving, kind hearted boy but my head is spinning all day. Any thoughts?

Jimmysmom DS4 DS6m

I have so been there! Here's what helped our drama king when he was 4yo.

When he would fall apart, before I'd react, I'd take a breath and remind myself that I will not teach him self-control--which is my goal--if *I* flip out or lose my cool. Remaining calm myself was my first priority. This was the hardest part of my whole process, by far! But above all else, I worked to model an even keel.

Next, I'd ask him--mid-drama, mind you, often over something dumb like his sock being wrinkled in his shoe--to tell me on a scale from 1-10 how bad it felt to him. I defined this for him as utter misery, the worst feeling ever possible as a 10, and feeling perfectly fine as a 1. Inevitably he would sob "It's an ELEVEN!"

Then I asked him to use the 1-10 scale again, but this time to define how serious the situation was, with a 10 as something really horrible and not fixable that he could relate to (like death, since our cat had recently died. He favored the death of the whole world as the worst...), and "nothing wrong" as a 1. He started with 11 here, too, but when pressed ("Is your sock as bad as death? Really? Can we fix it? Can we fix death? Then maybe this isn't an 11..."), he quickly came to admit that a wrinkled sock was not as irreversible or painful as death. He usually came down to a 1.5 or 2. Then we talked about not reacting so strongly to a 2 but "using our words."

I used the system faithfully every time he got disproportionately upset over anything. It has two benefits that I can easily ID: 1) it breaks his chain of upset immediately, throwing him into analytical mode so he stops his weeping and wailing, and instead, he thinks, and, 2) it teaches the sense of proportionate response that he needs *so desperately* to learn.

I saw an improvement in his reactions the first time I tried it. He was much more easily calmed. It did take persistent use to reduce the drama to zero, but it really did work. Within a couple/3 months, he was able to tell me calmly that his sock was bothering him. No tears at all! And he was proud of himself for his self-control. I think it is very hard for a kid to feel at the mercy of his emotions all the time. If every upset is a tragic emergency, life must be a very hard thing. He seemed much happier to be able to control his reactions.

I don't use it very often anymore, but every once in a while, I still need to pull it out for him. He's 6, and it still works.

Feel free to ignore. All kids are different. But it was a GREAT system for our family. Everything got so much easier when he wasn't falling apart all the time!

Welcome.

My DD is not usually a very demanding kid (though she's been a bit more so since we recently moved). She still needs suggestions once in a while, but mostly she does great. I sometimes find myself spouting my mother's line: "If you're bored, you could always clean your room!" It used to drive me nuts when my mom said that, but in retrospect I think she was right. Running yourself ragged trying to entertain a 4-year-old, especially with a baby in tow, is just no good.

As for the drama, I've often said that one of the things I love about my DD is how she always expresses her emotions. She will wail like a banshee if she scrapes her knee. It doesn't bother me, and I haven't tried to stop her. I once saw a friend's child get hurt and he didn't make a noise, despite the tears running down his face. It seemed so strange to me. I wonder if he was ashamed to admit that he'd been hurt.

Hi there!
We find it helps our child, tho we can't stop the crying and drama per se, but we can help child determine on a scale of 1-5 where 5 is terribly awful because there is blood and 3 where there isn't and 1 where it is just a little bump.

This scale is useful for many situations where it helps child to determine/clarify for themselves how to react to something and evaluate the seriousness of it.

You're not alone. Many of us have a child that just keeps going and going. We *do* use the TV. We pre-record like Martha the Talking Dog or some other well-written show. For when child was younger we did watch Timothy Goes to School. I know not everyone agrees on the usage of TV but sometimes I need a "pause" and I send myself to "time-out" Of course it is not possible with a 6m old also, but see if you can get some help too, so you can take a break.

You are welcome to rant here and let some of it out here.
Take care!

Little'un is still the same at 10 (with the drama thing, coupled with a touch of hypochondria).

He was quite 'hyperactive' (VERY actually). Things definitely improved when we started to give him fish oil capsules at age 4 (high in Omega 3, beware of Omega 6)

Having said that he has only just this last year started to sleep through the night. Still calmer and could concentrate tho after fish oil administration started

With the overreacting - maybe this will decline with maturity - dunno - but that's what the professionals tell you when they're stuck

It's tough and I sympathise - give the fish oils a try.

Why beware of Omega 6?

Anyone care to share a recommended brand? We've been using Nordic Naturals Omega 3-6-9 Junior.

This has been my life for years now. I have a four year old daughter who is very similar. My DD needs lots of activity and I am trying to find ways to get moments of peace so that I can revive my energy throughout the day since I am home full time with her and her highly active two year old sister. My four year old is highly melodramatic, and talks non stop and is very intense. If you don't live with a child who really panics and freaks out over tiny things, you just won't get it. It can be very draining. We use Coromega fish oil and it seems that it has helped a little bit. She has always had great focus, but her energy is utterly exhausting. Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you think he could have any type of sensory issue? Sometimes they can present in being over-reactive to things, hyperactive, etc. We are still wondering if my DD could have some sensory issue, but it might just be garden variety giftedness for both of us...

This is my DS6... or was. It's better now. I like Kriston's way of dealing with the added drama. It makes the child really see and understand his/her emotions.

I love that idea Kriston. Just wish I'd thought of it sooner. Can't wait to get going with it, as it seems the perfect fit for my numbers obsessed kid. Thanks:)

We need both 3's and 6's, but we get way too much 6 and way too little 3 in our diets.