Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments how can I make this work?

Hello again,

My DD6 and her best friend are so excited to have 'homeschool' Saturdays together (so nerdy, so cute). Today was our 2nd attempt. There is quite a big gap in abilities. I thought that I was being a bit proactive by introducing activities that were new to DD and not necessarily in the areas of her strengths, but it's so clear that DD is advanced. I think that her friend is a bit overwhelmed because she is bright, top of her class, etc. I've noticed that her friend is bothered by this but not in a competitive way. She seems sort of sad at times. It's breaking my heart, to be honest. My DD is being really good about it, not trying to draw any attention to their differences, willing to do work way below her abilities, etc. She adores her friend. I've also been trying to give her classmate extra help to keep everything moving because they want to work together on the same activities. My concerns/questions are;

1. Is it a bad idea to be doing this?

2. Should I be trying to help her friend? I like to be hands off and let kids figure things out on their own. I think that I'm trying to 'rescue' in a way. My DD just does the work faster and independently. I'm uncomfortable with this approach at times.

3. Do you have any thoughts on how to address this in a positive way? For example, I was thinking of having a craft option, because her friend is super crafty, better motor skills, etc. try to 'even the playing field'. Does this make sense?


Looking forward to your responses, as always,

Annaliisa

I would definitely offer something where the friend can show her strengths. If that is crafts, include some sort of craft in the day. If you are giving questions, give questions that stretch the friend a bit and questions that stretch your DD a bit so that they are both successful. If your DD is good at researching then let her research the topic and have the friend come up w/ the display board for it.

If the other friend is close to your daughter in terms of interests and academic abiliity, I definitely recommend looking at Story of the World or even something like Five in a Row. It's not overly academic for a bright child, and the craft projects might be perfect for this type of playdate. A lot of girls also connect with the related cooking projects.

Otherwise, is the friend's mom around, too? If so, I would consider asking her for activity input. If she isn't, I think you might be on the right track staying hands-off and letting the kids come up with their own activities together. At 6, they're capable and will likely have a great exercise in creativity along the way. My DS6 has been putting together a "wizard's camp" with his friends, and I've seen a lot of quasi-academic ideas put together. If they choose their "subjects" together, maybe that will help?

Otherwise, I'd continue to monitor the friend's feelings. Last year, I had then-DS5 and his two 5 year old friends over for a day and tried to homeschool together. They had all started K in PS together, then all started HSing in Jan. The twins' mom is also an ex-elementary school teacher, so I guess I made some erroneous assumptions about what they could handle. I tried to REALLY simplify what we were doing. Since DS and I were studying Africa in Story of the World (SOTW), I read them an Anasi picturebook (keep in mind DS was reading Harry Potter on his own), with a SOTW map exercise (extremely simple for DS), and tried to implement a cooking and craft activity. The other kids didn't have the attention span to make it through the book, couldn't grasp the idea of Africa as a continent, had no interest in cooking, and were itching to run outside and play before we made it to the craft. Even though DS was very interested in helping them, I realized that this would be defeating to their self-esteem if we tried to continue.

DS also tries to play math games and help his friends with math problems. He's darlingly sweet about it, but again, I try to lead them to something non-academic. I want him to connect with his age-peers, and I don't think sharing academic interests when he's so far above their level is not going to foster those relationships. If a friend of his wanted to....say play football but always won no matter what, I'm absolutely sure that my son wouldn't want to play it over and over again.

These are my concerns for my DD, however, I also see our homeschooling experience as a great opportunity for my DDs friend. She attends the only public school in our community and IMO it is pretty backwards. They are not at all interested in accommodating bright kids, this is how we ended up homeschooling DD. Because of this I do not want to let go of academics completely. I just want to find a way to make this work so that everyone's self esteem remains intact. I really want her friend to have a chance to learn stuff that I know she is not being exposed to at school. She's a great kid and it's hard to watch children go through school without sufficient challenges, even when they aren't your own

Thanks for your replies. You've given me some good ideas.

I love the book 'Drawing with Children' by Mona Brookes. It's meant to be read by an adult helper of children who want to draw, and I love crafts, but these are the real techniques used by artists to 'see' applied in a way that is useful to children - an entirely different thing. (have them choose different subjects so there is less comparison)

I'm also wondering about physical activity - planning a dance routine involves planning, as does cooking or gardening. Throw in a stopwatch and some lab reports and you have a science project.

There is a cardgame called SET that works as a leveler in many families.

What about working on a second language? (Muzzy tapes perhaps?)

Field Trips where each keeps a journal?

Look into 'Oddessy of the Mind' for enrichment ideas of projects where each does their own part.

I get it that you don't want to let go of academics completely, but my thought is that if you go for 'enrichment' projects instead, you can add the academics in more subtley without them being so obvious.

I always used to worry about giving my son academics because I was afraid that I would make him 'more board' in school. I think that was a mistake, but with this particular situation I think it needs to be thought about for your DD's friend. (Unless you are hoping to homeschool both of them next year?)

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Annaliisa,

Are you trying to work in a specific subject area? Before you realized how big the gap was, what did you envision working on/learning about?

Grinity, I think that you are absolutely right about approaching it as enrichment. And Taminy, initially I really wanted to do language and math but from a Montessori approach. Ultimately they choose their activities because I am a Montessori wannabe (but it is painfully hard ). I think that I have a tendency to underestimate my DD's abilities and understanding of the world. She is my oldest child and it isn't until I see her in a 'school setting' with other kids do I get a glimpse of where she is at. I may have also overestimated her friends experience/exposure with 'academics'. At any rate, it's back to the drawing board. I think that I really need to rethink this entirely. Thanks so much for your input. It is extremely helpful.

Well, if you want to play school with them take turns being the teacher. If your daughter can read let her read you and the friend a story then let her make up quiestions about the story. Let the friend be the teacher next and teach you and the daughter how to do a craft she knows how to do. Is the girl there for a playdate, or babysitting? Instead of you playing the teacher and them the students give them each their own "class" of dolls and bears. Let them select an activity from the learning shelf and teach it to their dolls. Think, think, think (tapping my head like pooh bear). Nope, out of ideas.