Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school I don't know what I'm doing

I love Doogie Houser! Don't let 'em get you down, come talk to us when other people don't understand.

Things are so different than when we were kids that even the gt moms and dads are struggling to figure it all out! there are more options, but a lot of negativity about labeling, etc.
One of mine dear kids is probably on par with me, one is likely more like her dad (aka smarter, but somehow less in tune with others...)
Lots of good ideas on this forum though!! Welcome.

MON's honesty is so compelling - I bet lots of us had some version of these thoughts before we met our kids!

For me, it was trying to keep my son from being bored at school AS IF that were my personal responsibility it turns out that in fact, it is the responsibility of the school to provide an appropriate education for the child not matter what their readiness level is. But really, that's how I saw it - when I was a bored gifted kid the school acted like it was somehow my own fault for being interested and alert, and I believed them until my son taught me differently. Until them I 'just knew' that something was wrong with me, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was - still I was very afraid of passing along my 'taint.'

If your son is reading Peter Rabbit at age 2, he already knows enough to be bored in kindergarden = so tell your mom it's too late. She was probably a bored little girl at school and believed them when they told her it was her fault! Ask her tons if questions about when she and her sibs learned to read, and how they handled school. Ask if anyone was gradeskiped or subject accelerated. She what she knows about your father's family. Does she have any friends who were actually early college kids? If you have the spare attention.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Thank you for your encouraging words. It's just what I needed. 2 things stuck out in your post, Grinity: 1. That my son would be bored in Kindergarten if he's reading Peter Rabbit. That scares me so much I want to throw-up. 2. To try to engage my mom by asking about her personal experience w/gifted people. I really like that idea. I do know that when my Dad went into the military in the early 60's they gave him an IQ test and told him he was gifted. They wanted him to go into Officer Training School because of it.

My son started reading spontaneously at 2, and we went through waves of disbelief, shock, excitement and fear before we finally got our bearings. For months, we struggled with what to make of it all and even consulted our pediatrician, who gave us the useless advice "Make sure he spends lots of time outdoors, not just reading books." It wasn't until DS read to my mother and she reacted with horror rather than pride or joy, that I realized I had to take control of the situation--that I needed a concrete plan and a ready response to the question, "If he's doing X now, what is he going to do in kindergarten?" In search of the answer, I read everything I could find on giftedness, started following this forum religiously, and began researching our local schools. By the time my son was 3 1/2, I had visited our local public kindergarten, decided with absolute certainty that it was not a viable option AND found a fantastic alternative. The end result was that DS started kindergarten a year early at age 4.5 in a school that "gets" him and is meeting both his academic and social needs. At this point, DS5.5 is happy and thriving, and I am so confident in the path he's on that no amount of weird looks from family or friends can phase me. So my advice is, continue to hang out here, read the books that are mentioned and start researching your school options. The more you know, the easier it will be to embrace your child's giftedness and the less fearful you'll be of the future.

I had that same feeling when I arrived at preschool to see the one of the projects was finishing a sentence and the teacher writing in on a large sheet of easel paper.

"My Grandmother is Special because...."
Jenny - she buys me presents
Billy - she gives me cookies
Matt - she gives me kisses
(and so on down the page, until in tiny writing...)
DS - During World War II the men when off to fight in the war so the women were offered education for certain jobs for the first time. She became of one of the first women ________.

I immediately blushed furiously, as I recognized the word-for-word nature of a conversation DS and I had had earlier in the week and felt totally exposed and frightened to that same point of queasiness. I asked the teacher, "Did DS say all that?"
Teacher: Oh no - He said much much more - that was all that we had space to write on the paper.

I didn't have a clue that he was 'gifted' but my life experience told me that he should 'act like that.' I wanted to somehow go back in time and shut him up, because I feared that the peers would like him if he talked on and on like that. Little did I realize that the larger problem would be that because of his differences, and perhaps the reaction to them, he might not like the peers!!!

Like MsFriz says, you have plenty of time to educate yourself and there is every chance that you will find a way to make school work for your son. I didn't get that giftedness was an issue until my son was in 2nd grade! You are way ahead of me.

AnnaC - did your dad end up going to Officer Training School? I'm so glad you are going to get a 'gifted family history' from your mom.

Smiles,
Grinity

AnnaC, I feel for you when it comes to the lack of support from your family. My own mother does not understand my DDs at all, especially DD4 who is smarter than even I realize sometimes.
It's hard when family does not support you. My MIL is starting to come around, but we can't talk about the GT issue with her much. She has different views on education and even held DH back when teachers wanted him to skip a grade in elementary school. We understand DD4 will most likely need to be accelerated through school at some point and I know MIL will not agree with this.

I cannot talk about GT issues with anyone in my family or DH's family -- it's very taboo. We do have one pair of friends with a GT daughter very similar to DD4 that we can kind of talk to, but they don't quite understand what being GT means and the challenges it creates.

I've learned to follow my DC's leads in regards to learning. If your DC has a strong personality, he'll forge his own path no matter what.

Sounds like you're doing a good job. This is a great place to get advice and just let out frustration.

(Ironically, my dad was in the military, too. His IQ tested really high and he was sent to work in Intelligence -- NSA kind of stuff that he can't talk about.)

I have a few tips! OK, try to stimulate his academic interests; try to give him enough neurological stimulation to feed his intellectual needs. Treat him like you would treat an adult (if he wants to be treated like one, at least), but don't expect him to be mature 24/7. Believe me, even though I'm a gifted person, I still have emotional outbursts and I'm just as (or maybe a little less) self-concious as any person of the awkward phase!

I hope this helps!