Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Socialization Skills

One of the arguments the school had against some of our suggestions for next year was that DS needs to work on his socialization skills.

DS is not a particularly social kid, BUT he has one very good friend in his class, and considers a couple other classmates good friends. He also gets along with the kids in Scouts, sports and camp. Personally, as far as school goes, that seems like enough to me. Am I wrong about that?

One comment his teacher made was that DS has to work on not being so different from the other kids (like taking a dictionary to school when reading the original version an old classic for pleasure). Why is it bad for him to stand out as different? He doesn't seem to mind, so why should the school?

Sorry if I'm rambling (again). We're hoping to close some discussions with the school about next year, and I am wondering if maybe my view is skewed, or if not, how to explain that not everyone is going to be popular or a social butterfly.

Thanks for being here!

Hi Mama22,

I do not know how old your DS is now. But I agree with you that if he is not unhappy being different than I would not be worried as a parent. I know my son says he LIKES being different..it is just who he is. I do keep an eye on it now that he is entering middle school because it is now that peer relationships and fitting in become more critical for most kids.

I actually encourage my DS to continue pursuing and doing the things he enjoys because ultimately those are the things that will bring him enjoyment and friends with like interests.

I would bring up exactly your last point that people are different and not everyone needs to be Mr. Popularity AND it is your DS's comfort and not the teachers' that is most important.

How boring a world if everyone was the same. I think you are right on the money.

Breakaway

Wow. I do think PG kids often have to work on their social skills, but to learn how to interact with others. That kind of comment really sets me off.

And I think one really good school friend is a huge accomplishment!

Huh? I don't get it. What's wrong with being different from the other kids? I'm not profoundly gifted, but since I am probably highly gifted (although my IQ said average, my writing and reading skills often were in the 99th percentile, my mathematics about 50-79, and I have a vast knowledge of medical jargon), I see a bit of characteristics that I had. My teachers said I did poorly socially (I always read when everyone else was playing), but I usually had this one good friend, like he has. I don't think he is doing poorly in social skills just because he brings a dictionary to class, and I don't think it's bad to be different. It's just mainstream society rearing it's ugly, judgemental head, and casting out bright, talented youth.

I didn't get it either. I just kept thinking, "Yes, DS is different. That's what we're trying to tell you. But the DIFFERENCE is not something that needs to be CORRECTED. His differences mean he needs something more in the classroom."

It made me think back to that Twilight Zone episode, "Number Twelve Looks Just Like You" where there are only a few different choices of what face/body to have -- everyone gets transformed when they're a teenager and has to wear a name tag to know who's who, and they're brainwashed to be happy and like everyone else. What a horrible world that would be!

My husband's "my son is not a lemming" comments are going through my mind.:(

I think the above is just what traditional teachers have been taught. Many teacher don't have gifted training and don't get this. They may have good intentions. Does your child have any experiences with older kids that you could mention?

"Good Social Skills" doesn't have to mean lots of friends, a few can be wonderful. If a child chooses to read instead of playing and he's not bugging anyone, he is adapting to the situation in a way he likes and that's wonderful too.

Would the teachers say the same thing if they were talking about a gay child or a racial minority child? I have been thinking all day how to say that nicer. I don't have a nice way to say it.

Chrys,
Agreed, gifted are often overlooked.....after all, what possible problems could a smart child have? As we all know already, we are our own child's best advocate. If I have to educate a few teachers and administrators along the way, so be it .

"Work on not being different" ??? Bah!

Yes, let's pretend and have our kids pretend they don't already know advance reading/writing/math.

I really think sometimes the teachers have been given a script. I don't think they really "hear" what they're saying.