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How do you get toddlers to give back to the community?

My DD has so much and it's time to do a little spring cleaning in her playroom. Ideally I would like to get rid of about half of what she has by donating to worthy places such as the Woman's Shelter, EMS and Goodwill. I would also not like to go behind her back to do this and just have things disappear because the kid would absolutely know things are gone and she would get very upset.

I've been talking about it for the past few weeks and at first she was completely against it but is now more willing to try. Probably because we have made it clear that she can't have any more toys until she cleans out her old ones with the argument of not enough room for everything and than we talk about how wonderful it would be for her to take toys that she doesn't play with or she has gotten too old for to people who could really use them.

So we are at cross roads with her and when we start the cleaning she could be either very excited and really get into it or blow up and have a major meltdown. So I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas in regards to this and if maybe I missed a step that might make it easier for everyone.

We have done this every 6 months since he started getting so many toys. At first, DS was resistant just like your daughter, but we talked about it ahead of time, planned a day, and did it. I had him help as well as he could as a toddler. Sometimes I do sneak in something that I know he was not touched in a very long time, but mostly, he gets input as to what stays and what goes. He ends up feeling good about giving his stuff to "little" kids (he's a big 7 year old now LOL) and helps unload the bags at the Goodwill drop off site. And I know all about tantrums...but this has never caused one. Truthfully, it is my husband who is ridiculous! He wants to check every bag to be sure I am not giving away treasures. Good luck! Nan

This is something I thought about a lot because I remember it as a problem from my own childhood (that is, I remember being very upset at being pushed into giving things up that I still tremendously valued, even if I didn't play with them much). What's working for us is to take DS's feelings very seriously, and not push him to give things away if he's not ready to - I think that can easily backfire, and in the end, it doesn't make so much difference if something gets given away this year or next; if it's not being played with much in the meantime it's in just as good condition next year and will eventually get played with for the same number of years in total, probably! It has to be his decision that he's outgrown something, not mine. The most important thing at this stage is to help him feel safe giving things up when he is ready, rather than hoarding for no reason. I also offer the option of keeping treasures that he's outgrown "for his children" (helpfully, we don't have the space to do that with a lot of things, but it means he isn't absolutely stuck knowing he's outgrown something but not feeling able to give it up).

I don't think I started this until DS was 4, though, and I think it might have been harder or even impossible when he was a toddler. I'd suggest:
- not expecting to get rid of half her stuff in one go!
- planning what you'll say when she *is* willing to give something up that *you* value and want kept!

Nan, my husband too! And he always wants to keep that which makes NO sense.

One thing that I do is go through and make two piles... keep and donate (or sell if we're having a garage sale first). I try to keep them at half - half goes in one pile, half goes in the other (it never works that way, but giving them the idea of half up front helps keep the donate pile from being just one thing). And if they want to keep something that should be donated, then they have to trade something from their keep pile (if it's something they never play with, etc). And when it's all said and done, and we have two piles, I let them pick ONE item from the donate pile to keep. Doing the last part actually helps them put more items in the donate pile up front.

Oh, and I try to convince them once that something they never play with that they keep should be donated just once. If they still say no, we wait until the next cleanout.

Thanks for the suggestions. I really like the idea of making two piles so she will visually see that she isn't giving away all her stuff.

I think I will stay away from a garage sale because if she does get upset we are stuck with following through and dealing with an upset child.

And so funny everyone's husband is the one you have to baby. Mine too! I had to run it past him first to make sure he wouldn't get upset. Most of DD's clutter is stuffed animals and DH does not like to get rid of stuffed animals. When he was a child and an army brat; his family moved around a lot and at one point they moved in with his aunt and uncle but it cost him his collection of stuffed animals. Clearly something that scarred him because the idea of getting rid of any kind of stuffed animal upsets him.

A couple things I have noticed with my dd:
- My just turned 8 yo was happy to do donations to an cat adoption shelter instead of birthday gifts because it was the shelter we got our kitties from, and we were able to go give the kitties the gifts in person - she also got a very nice thank you card afterward.
- We have been able to sell back used books in order for her to buy the next book in a favorite series. (not charity, but certainly decluttering.)
- We have been able to put some beloved, but outgrown toys and books aside for dd's younger cousin.
I would so love to go through more of dd's stuff but I think these kids are begging for relevance and context. Good luck on your decluttering.

One idea that has really helped me is to decide how much space should be used for toys. We have a closet with toys that we rotate out of the playroom. If the closet gets too full then it's hard to manage and some stuff needs to go. The decision is not some much about whether some things are still useful. It's about what will we keep that will fit into our home. I feel like too much stuff makes it to hard to manage. I hope this teaches my kids to have some limits instead of having so much. It is hard for me to let go of some things with all my memories. Some times I just put it in storage for a while until I'm ready. I hope this helps. Good luck.