Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Am I crazy for considering this?

Artana, All of DSs life has been behaviors that get worse before they get better haha! I really don't think it is work challenge, but social. I'm hoping more work will give him less time to worry about social...but I don't know.

Vicam, Kids ARE setting him up...not so much on purpose, but the other kids jostle each other and whisper behind the teachers back. My son tries it (right in front of the teacher) and gets in trouble. He "talks back" to the teacher saying, "Well, so-and-so did it!" So he is in trouble for fooling around AND being a smart-ass.

My husband and I have been able to observe classes...my son acts the way he is going to act whether we are in the room or not. Amazingly, so do the other kids. We have witnessed the other kids subtle misbehaviors that go un-noticed and our son's glaring acting out that gets him in trouble. We have specifically told him NOT to do those things even if every kid in the class is doing it.

Also, the little things he does and gets caught at are not the problem, it is his extreme over-reaction. He feels like the teacher is picking on him (she just doesn't see the other kids) and he is such a perfectionist that he hates getting reprimanded so it turns into a major meltdown. Other kids would shrug it off and quit what they are doing...DS argues and gets into more trouble.

Oh Eldertree, we tried that!!! And guess what the asst principal said?? "That wouldn't be fair to DS to miss those classes." I was shocked into silence. I'm not one for snappy comebacks (unlike my DS.) But yes, DS in on a swim team (3x per week) and my husband is an artist...so we plan on presenting that as our last remaining option if there is a single other episode.

Perhaps there needs to be some education of the other students and some anti-bully activities. If your son is going through this then so are other kids. The school needs to get a handle on it now before it becomes widespread. Your son deserves his education and a safe environment. Tell them you want an aide to supervise him in these classes so that he is not picked on. Let them know it is there job to know what is going on, even in whispers. i am a teacher and you have to stay on these issues constantly or it escalates

LOL! I've found that a dropped jaw and blank stare serve pretty well as a response to clueless administrators. (Okay, so my social skills aren't probably much better than the ones displayed by my kid with Asperger's...apple, tree, and all that.)

And my guess is if you ask for an aide they'll agree to let him opt out pretty fast.

I'm amazed at what adults don't see (or perhaps don't want to see).

I was at a park with my toddler the other day and a school group was there. I spent a lot of time watching one girl who I eventually realized was friendless. She did a good job of hiding it -- waited around for a swing; swung for a while; loitered casually near a group to look like she was involved -- but she was clearly stressed out and working very hard to not look alone. What was most interesting of all was the teachers, whose only interactions consisted of joking with the popular kids. The whole situation was clearly torture for this one kid, but all the teachers could see was that the group was having fun.

I think a lot of these people are emotionally still in 6th grade themselves -- wanting to be liked by the popular kids, not wanting to have too much to do with the unpopular ones. I even wonder if they are deliberately blind to some of the bad behavior of the popular kids, because they don't want to lose favor with the group. Much easier to discipline the kid that nobody likes.

I don't think it's deliberate. I think it's an institutional tendency to take the path of least resistance. If a child isn't actively grabbing the spotlight-- for good or ill-- they fall into that invisible middle ground.

My daughter took part in an after school gymnastics program in first grade back in the day when I thought it might help. She mastered the art of always being in line for an activity, but never actually doing it. When I pointed this out to the coach, she protested that she'd seen N do cartwheels or somersaults several times. Well, no-- she'd seen her next up, then turned away for a moment to look at the other 20 kids, thereby missing N allowing a classmate to cut in line. It wasn't stupidity or malice-- just seeing what she expected to see.