Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment "within ten points" questions

TwinkleToes,

I feel like we are treading very similar ground. And I, too, have wondered whether the large IQ gap is part of the issue. I often feel like DH and I are speaking completely different languages (and I'm the one speaking English). There are also those "soul" issues that you mentioned, but I wonder if even some of those are at least related to PG personality traits.

(Sigh.) Is there hope for building bridges across the divide? I hope so.

DH and I have a weekly date. I recommend it to all who feel they aren't connecting with a spouse, especially those with young kids. It makes a huge difference in our marriage.

Consider a Saturday brunch or a Sunday afternoon coffee date, even for just an hour. It's easier to find a sitter when you're not requiring a Friday or Sat. night from a teen. It doesn't have to be expensive--how much do a couple of hours of sitter time and some coffee cost?--and I recommend against a "movie night," since the point should be to really connect. You can't do that at a movie.

But make the time.

Much of what my DH talks about is work and computer problems. But I listen and he knows he's valued. He's more willing to listen to me then.

If there's a real "soul" issue, this probably wouldn't help. But if you both want to connect and just aren't, then taking time to date one another can really help. If DH and I miss our date for some reason--usually only illness keeps us from going--then we notice a huge difference in the way we feel about the relationship. We're closer, more on the same team, when we have the date than when we don't.

Kriston- you have said this before and I took you to heart! For 7 months, DH and I had a weekly breakfast date while DS was in gymnastics. This last Saturday was the first time in 7 months, due to DS's gym time moving, that we didn't do it! I really missed it and so did he. It's a good chance to reconnect about the week and just chat about whatever.

DH and I are probably very similar in IQ, though his mom lost is IQ test results many years ago and can't remember what they were. Our disconnect comes from extremely different family experiences, his split family with years of custody battles, alcoholism and drugs etc. And mine with the total Cleaver household. I do have to constantly remind him that his mom is not a beacon of good parenting and the "well I did it when I was a kid" does not make it right. 4 1/2 year olds should not take the public bus, including a transfer, in Seattle just to get to school.

Oh, CAMom, that's so great that you've been dating your DH! Sometimes I feel like I soapbox about this issue too much. But it has made such a difference in my marriage, and it's such a small, easy thing to do, that I feel compelled to mention it. I'm glad it has been working for you.

You made my day! Thanks!

While the post is digressing from the original I'm finding it facinating to read.

I want to add, that DH's tested IQ levels are much higher than mine by about 30 points. Although we have our troubles - sometimes minor sometimes major. The thing that always seems to draw us back closer is that underneath everything else, we get each other.

I'm the one who will think and talk most subjects to death. DH is the one that will stay quiet on the subjest for a while (sometimes weeks) then suddenly say why don't we try... Sometimes something I've tried to put into words previously but most of the time something unique.

Thanks Grinity for that idea from Ruff. We do get each others jokes and that is probably what saved us this past year!

I love this, Grinity! I think it describes my very shy, very introverted son better than anything I've ever come up with. Thank you for that!

Aww - I'm so glad to hear it! You can tell DH that you married him for his 'work ethic!' I find work ethic very attractive!

Sibling interactions are tough, and but wouldn't it be wonderful if every sibling was placed where they would have to work hard to succeed?

Smiles,
Grinity

Very interesting reading.:)
My DH and I are 2 points from eachother - both EG, but very different thinkers. My husband is an engineer. When he asks me a question, I often have to go through a process of figuring out what he is asking/thinking, spin it around in my head a bit to figure out how he expects me to respond to him before answering. Our minds work extremely differently; but we respect eachother. He often thinks that I am not listening to him; but I have recently explained to him that I am just processing.:) At least he has one male friend who can read his mind...lol.

Who knows how our DS will be???? I see both of us in him.