Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment "within ten points" questions

I apologize for my grammar up there. Clearly my English had not woken up yet. I changed the sentence and ended up with an extra "are" and the "higher" instead of taller.


Somehow those studies both state that "within" 10 points of each other, and also that if there is one gifted the other one is likely to be. However, I can imagine many cases when those 10 points (even more so if it is >10) land the kids on both sides of the gifted/non-gifted line.

Sorry that this is off-topic, but I have to ask TT, why did you marry a guy who's IQ is 'much lower' than yours? I'll bet he has some awesome 'other' qualities! Details Dear!

Ruff thinks that we choose partners because they 'get our jokes' and she believes that people tend to feel the most comfortable around people who are 'like-minded.' Of course, when you get up past 3 SD above the mean, it's easier to have these giant gaps within families, just like there are the giant gaps within subscores. IQ tests aren't perfect either. Do you think a 2E person with a FSIQ of 120 but lots of highs around 145 and processing speed or working memory bringing the numbers down is going to choose a mate who is closer to their strongest numbers or their FSIQ?

(Some, Many, Most)Women, of course, are conditioned to feel that they aren't as smart as those men who 'get their jokes.' We feel that the ways we are smart aren't as 'important' or 'impressive' as 'hard' as the topics that men are typically stronger in.

So I guess whenever a woman says that her husband is much smarter than she is, I am skeptical unless there are detailed IQ reports right in front of me. ((wink))
Love and More Love,
Grinity

My 2E DH is the closest intellectual match for me of anyone I've ever met, and his FSIQ is 40 or 50 points lower than mine. I think that IQ tests just don't work well for some people. And FSIQ is a poor representation of ability in people with a very wide spread in scores (such as those my DH has).

lol. That's hilarious. Definitely not in our house : )

"Sorry that this is off-topic, but I have to ask TT, why did you marry a guy who's IQ is 'much lower' than yours? I'll bet he
has some awesome 'other' qualities! Details Dear"

My question in part was rhetorical, but yes, there is a gap, with my IQ being higher, and I have wondered if that is one, among many reasons, we have some serious problems relating.

He is always saying how I don't make sense. In his mind, I am too sensitive, too talkative, too curious, too interested in "obscure" things etc.

What appealed to me at first was I imagined he was somehow more
"innocent" than some of the men that I had been dating and that was refreshing to me. I married late and there were so many older guys acting like frat boys in the Boston area that when he came along, he seemed simpler. Our "courtship" was very brief and the story gets quite complicated from there.

I am more interested in talking, writing, the arts, learning, psychology, language, emotions, spirituality, etc. than he is. We both enjoy history and science, but he doesn't like to discuss them. He likes tinkering with computers and I do not share that interest at all. The marriage is in trouble actually, but I think it may be more about personality than IQ. This sounds awful and I hope he doesn't read this, but for me it is less about an intellectual gap than a soul gap. He seems to want to stay very close to the surface and to numb out with computer problems rather than engage with others in a meaningful way. I am sure he might turn that around and say I spend too much time thinking about things that are not "important" and that I'd be better off just shutting more of myself down. In general, he asks me to think less say less feel less and be less. NICE. No wonder things aren't working. YOU ASKED Grinity!

My original question came from my wondering about my DD3 since she seems more like I am and I suspect she is brighter and since my parents had NO INTEREST in education or in providing enriching experiences for me, I want to provide the best oportunities for her to thrive.

I am just trying to get a sense of what we are in for and if more testing will be needed since the IQ test she had at 3 put her score between our scores, but my gut sense is that hers is actually higher than mine and higher than what came out in the testing, but that would place her a fair distance from her dad, but of course, that does happen. I meant to say that scores are "often" or "usually" within ten points to make room for the exceptions. My husband's brother's IQ is higher than my DH and he is moderately gifted. All this talk really comes back to my trying to figure out where my DD falls and what we might need to do for her as she begins school. I made it through school with little modification, but then again, I got into trouble, dropped out of HS etc. Yet soomehow, with very little time in school I was able to jump back in and actually have top schools for undergraduate and graduate schools accept me and had a wondeful time there though still was a little "weird" even there and found it easy. I'd like her experience to be less choppy than mine was.

TT - sorry to hear that there is friction at home between you and DH. Personally I think would like to encourage you put some attention on learning to nurture yourself in your current marriage relationship. It's hard to support your own giftedness when you are with a partner who is or appears hostile, but it can be done. I think it's extra important for you to have some peers who will appreciate your Giftie Qualities. I think that a marriage between people any kind of difference can work as long as there is
a) mutual respect
and
b) we grow to become strong enough to demand mutual respect.

Demand isn't quite the right word. 'Move toward' or 'envision' or 'set our intention' might be better.

Is your DH's IQ score accurate?

If you have reports, take a look at his subscales. He could be like nono5's DH and have such a big spread that a FSIQ is meaningless. Or, he could be an Introvert who 'is deeply self-engaged intellectually' and wasn't able to show the tester much. It could have been a group IQ test, which are less accurate, or take a look at this:

http://cty.jhu.edu/ts/stb_index.html

(You can PM his subscale scores to me - please don't post them publically here, ok?)

As for DD, I think at age 3 the best thing to do is track her Ruf milestones, and just assume that the one test is simply one test. If your gut is telling you that she is more 'like you' then

a) you are her mom, and perceiving her accurately or
b) you have something clouding your vision, so do some journaling and keep the basic self care strong so you can 'uncloud.'

Either way, the more you support yourself as a Gifted Woman, the better parent and spouse you will be.

Sounds like your standards for 'making it through school' are a bit higher for your DDs than were when you were in school. That's a good thing.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

thanks, Grinity. I think he is smarter than he gives himself credit and his score is higher, but he says he had to work hard and study in school in a way that makes him feel he is above average, even quite above average, but not "like his brother." We actually had a wonderful conversation this morning and that felt great. It is hard to have meaningful interaction with a two year old and three year old who are talkative and very smart and highly active literally running between your legs.

My favorite quote from my brother about his gifted son: "He's the only 5 year old I know who can read an entire book on the Vietnam War for fun but can't wipe his own butt."

When I get exasperated with my son, I think of this and it makes me laugh.

That is really funny! Thanks.

TwinkleToes,
I sent you a PM.