Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion To the homeschoolers about unschooling

Interesting topic and one I've often wondered about, as well.


Has your DS ever said he doesn't want to do anything or that he'd rather sit around and watch TV or something? LOL, this would be my fear with DS, especially in the beginning. I'm anticipating that the transition into school at home (online charter) will be met with some of these challenges at first, until DS gets over the initial "Hey, I'm not at school" frame of mind. Of course, he may surprise me, but I'm preparing myself anyway. I would really like to utilize some of the free time by following his lead to see where the interests take us. However, an interest in the latest/greatest video game or nicktoon show is not someplace I really want to go.

I guess what I don't quite get is how do you direct the child to interests that they (most likely) have, just aren't aware yet how to pursue without taking away the child-led aspect of it? Is this where de-schooling comes into play?

I probably should call what I am describing "radical unschooling." But then again, there are those to whom "radical unschooling" means consensual living, and I'm not talking about that at all. It is certainly true that people use the term "unschooling" to mean all kinds of things.

But I do take issue with other people's definitions of unschooling, because it BUGS me when people say, "Oh, unschooling parents are so obnoxious--always interrupting their child's play to point out academic facts." To me, that is the antithesis of unschooling, though I can see how someone might call it that. Maybe I'll start calling that method helicopter unschooling and just say that I'm more of a lazy-day-at-the-beach unschooler.

Just to be clear, what I'm not doing is judging other people for their methods. As I said earlier, unschooling seems right for us (right now, anyway), but I've got no reason to believe that it's right for everyone all of the time.

LOL, no5no5! I really like the terms "helicopter unschooler" and "lazy-day-at-the-beach unschooler." Nice! I can totally understand why you don't like being lumped in with that style of unschooling.

It's also why I find myself resisting labels now that we've got our "sea legs." Labels can be very useful tools under the right circumstances (like in schools) for getting kids services that they need. But in homeschooling? Labels virtually never seem useful to me. They seem to be used only to do the kind of judging you're not doing, or even to actively exclude others who "aren't doing it right." I don't see how labels help anyone. There may be a case, but I haven't seen one myself.

Yes, deschooling can help with this. Also, just wandering around the library and seeing what books interest him. Really, take a LOT of time and browse the shelves. Look at/check out everything that he expresses an interest in. Pursue whatever he wants to take further.

Also, just ask, "What would you like to learn about?" You might be surprised how many big ideas come out of him!


TV and videogames are off limits during school hours unless they are educational (and even then, I limit them for behavioral reasons--my kids get cranky with too much media time!). Legos are also out unless he has a specific plan for how to use them educationally and I approve it. (Again, my non-unschooling colors shine through!) But if I didn't make these rules, nothing much else would get done. Most homeschoolers that I know of--even unschoolers--have some rules like this. That's one of he reasons kids who spend all day watching cartoons worry me. That's not the norm for 99% of the homeschoolers out there.

When deschooling you might be a bit more flexible about things like TV, games and Legos, since what they choose to watch or to build might tell you something about what they would like to pursue. But I'd be wary of setting up "homeschooling = free TV and videogames all the time." You might have some very bad habits to break!

LOL - me too! And I didn't mean that in a negative way. I was more accentuating my own laziness as a homeschooler. The unschoolers I know locally are of the more radical variety! And they would definitely not consider us remotely unschoolers. Even though my kids have tons of unstructured time and free choice compared to most kids. Labels are a bit dangerous. I totally agree that they don't have a lot of value for homeschoolers. That's why if anyone asks I say we're eclectic - covers everything. And we do do a little of everything at one time or another.

Just for the record, our school day is from wake up until 3 pm usually. Although, we are rarely "working" for more than 2-3 hours of that time. No video games or recreational TV during that time! I have kids that would choose to do that all day if they could. Maybe they'd burn out on it eventually. But I'm not going to try it!

I think I'm looking at things from the beginning and not toward the end of the transitional period. In doing that, I foresee interest in everything but those things having to do with school, homework, or education. Does that make sense? I think I need to change my frame of reference to get a clearer picture of how it would work.

And that's what I have in mind for our days, as well. But it seemed...contradictory? to some of what I've understood "unschooling" to be. Now that I'm gaining a better understanding, it makes more sense.

Our plan is for him to decompress and just relax over the summer, which, I hope, would take care of all of this anyway. We do much better with structure and schedule, so certain hours are dedicated to school time and DS is already aware of this - although, he did think that it'd be great to watch TV while he was in school, LOL! That's a definite no-go!

Well, I guess the fact is that even if it is contradictory to unschooling, if it's what's best for your (or my) particular child, then it's what you should do, you know?

I know my child well enough to know that it would NOT be in his best interest to watch TV all day, every day. Some unschoolers would probably argue that I could, and he'd get bored with it eventually and would learn to self-regulate. It's possible that's true. But I wouldn't let him eat nothing but candy all day long either, even though eventually he'd probably want a carrot stick. I don't believe that unschooling means "unparenting," but if it does, then I'm not doing that.

You might be surprised how quickly your child wants to do educational things. If his brain has been starving from lack of challenge, he may be thrilled to get to do something that makes him think. That's how it was for my DS8. He was so excited to get to do something *hard* for a change that he was in hog heaven when we first started homeschooling. He didn't actually want to deschool. He was too excited to get to do something interesting. Once we brainstormed what he wanted to do for school so I could start researching, he wanted to get going on it.

Is there a reason you want to be an unschooler specifically?

This is exactly what we did after our DS finished first grade. We took the summer and did activities, sports, the beach, etc. We pursued some science experiments and visited some museums. We regularly visited the library and DS read a bunch. But there were no mandatory requirements out of any of us that summer. By fall, all of us were ready for a more regular routine and having all the neighborhood kids disappear back to school helped that out.

Oh no, not really. I do like the idea of discovering what my son's interests and passions are and it seems that the idea of unschooling facilitates that. Of course, I know what alot of his interests are and such. But really allowing him to discover, explore, and develop his interests while still using a more traditional curriculum-based approach, is very appealing to me, kwim? (Actually, this discussion is probably more about me understanding something I didn't before.)

This is how I see things playing out for us, as well.

This is straying a little off from what you asked (and I'm afraid it got long!), but while we're definitely not unschoolers here by anyone's definition, I think we do manage to follow/develop DS's interests and passions. I describe our homeschool style as "collaborative" - it's not child led, it's not grownup led... we're kind of like a little committee. DS has things he wants out of it, I have things I want out of it, we negotiate and come to an agreement, tweak things, renegotiate, see how they work.... It all kind of comes together.

Sometimes it's obvious that we're responding to a specific interest -- DS has asked to do Marine Biology next year. So we will. On the other hand, if we're doing Marine Biology next year I insist that we get through a certain amount of regular biology first so we're not reinventing the wheel on the way. So that's me. And I've asked that he contribute a certain amount to the planning -- locations and species to focus on -- and that he get that to me by March at the latest so I can figure out our schedule (some things are seasonal - I don't want to hear in September that he wishes we could have volunteered at the turtle sanctuary during breeding season!). And then once it's on the calendar, it's an assignment. No more negotiating unless it's really dire.

Similar with his annual science fair project. I'll suggest that he choose something in keeping with our year's theme/topic (Biology this year), he'll manage to turn that into something he's interested in (bio-TECH), and then he knows I'll drive him all over creation if necessary and buy all kinds of ridiculous materials, but he has to get the work done and write it up. period.

Then there are things that I think he might like but he hasn't discovered for himself yet. Next year I'm considering Economics. He's absolutely certain he wants to be an engineer when he grows up. He might be right... but he's also ten, and I see some other possibilities in his range of interests and talents. So while the idea of Economics almost certainly isn't going to occur to him for a long time, I'm betting that once he knows what it's all about he'll be intrigued. I could be wrong. If he makes it through a semester without getting hooked I'll probably let it go, but as long as it's on the calendar it's required. It won't kill him anyway.

I think unschooling can be an excellent thing. I think it would even work for us to a certain extent (he wouldn't sit in front of the TV for very long without finding something better to do), except that for us I like our way better. We both like a predictable structure, and we both like to keep schoolwork as its own little thing. We start our day, we work, we finish, we put away our work, we go have fun. It's very much school at home, but it's a school that offers exactly the right classes at exactly the right time with exactly the right accomodations.