Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Has anybody straight up asked you?

DH and I have fairly unusual jobs... you know the type where people usually assume you're a genius if you have them (I don't necessarily think that's the case but we get that assumption a lot). Anyways, today I was talking to someone I just met and our jobs came up in the conversation and so she asked if DD was gifted (or at least showing signs). I was kind of flabbergasted and didn't know how to respond so I mentioned something DD had done recently that was slightly ahead but not way out of the ballpark and then tried to change the subject.

I'm not sure if I handled it correctly. I mean, I'm a fairly open person so I wouldn't mind discussing DD but I was totally caught off guard. Plus, I expect she's a fairly intelligent woman so she might have been asking out of experience. So how would you have responded?

From my experience with my DD, I say "Own it, acknowledge it and be proud of it" and answer "Yes, she is". We started out playing it very close to the vest, not really answering the questions directly.

We quickly realized that DD was starting to "dumb-herself-down" and tried to be something she was not. We thought that if she was picking up on our hesitation in answering these questions, she may have started to doubt herself and live "up-to or down-to" what she was getting from us.

It does not feel normal to reply "yes", it feels a bit like bragging, but like with all things it will become easier the more you say it!

I have had quite a few people ask if my dd is gifted. She is now in 6th grade and I now just come out and tell them yes. I am not sure why I waited so long... probably because the school and other activities she is involved in play it down. Therefore, I did not want to commit to an answer earlier. Since she started school she has been in the 99 percentile in every subject on achievement tests. Only recenly did they start giving more "IQ" type tests. She scored 143 on the OLSAT (which has a cap of 150) and 147 on the TOMAGS. Funny enough, I knew she was gifted in math (she taught herself how to count by 4s when she was 2 1/2 yrs old)- but her teachers kept trying to tell us she was just a good student....

I think it is a hard question to answer- when someone asks if your child is gifted. I think it is somewhat personal and that you should answer what you feel comfortable with.

After our son was advanced mid-year to 5th (@ 8y2m) more people are making comments & asking questions. His first skip occurred before coming to this school so the acceleration wasn't so public.

Quite honestly, I'm much more up front about the whole GT thing now, especially after reading so many conversations here about fielding questions & comments IRL.

I'm most impressed by the way he is handling himself, though. A few different times while I was around him, other kids have asked him why he's in 5th, if he's really smart, if he's a genius & so forth. He's very nonchalant about his answers (at least the ones I've heard), which range from "I'm in 5th because I finished the 4th grade work this year," to a simple "I guess so."

His 5th grade teacher said that he's got a fantastic attitude in class and never comes across as pompous or arrogant. He said that the other (older) kids really look up to him, realizing there's something special about him. But that nobody makes a big deal about it because my son doesn't. That conversation really warmed my heart.

I gotta sneak in a funny.

The 5th grade teacher said that he thought my son was advanced primarily because of math ability, and that within the first week or so of class, he was totally surprised by my son's more than capable participation in discussions on science, reading, etc. He then called the 4th grade teacher to ask about this and was told, "Oh yeah, your really in for it with this kid. Watch out!"

I am tending to answer more straight up now. It took me a while. One thing I've noticed in our case really is if someone asks directly, they usually know something about being gifted. Often they are or have a child that is or something. Since I started out knowing nothing about being GT (I just thought I was some sort of misfit), I am a little sensitive to people who are not indoctrinated into GT terminology and what exactly that means.

I've explained this all to my son. Occasionally he slips and says "Yes - I am a genius". He literally said this to someone he met this week. He is an interesting character. If someone said something like this to him, it would not bother him in the least. So he has a hard time holding himself back from being very literal and vocal about his strengths. He's willing to be just as literal about his weaknesses. We need to work on phrasing! He really is not at all arrogant about it. To him, he's just stating the truth.

Both DH and I have higher tech degrees, so sometimes people joke around about us like we should all be geniuses. We're happy to live in our geek house. We live in a GT community, so life is good.

To be honest, when dd turned 3 years old, three different people (including two teachers) asked if she was gifted. I didn't even know what being "gifted" was...I thought a gifted child was the one you see on TV performing Mozart at age 4 or graduating college at age 12. I didn't know there were different degrees of giftedness or anything.

That is when I started investigating everything and found wonderful forums such as this!!

We get asked that all the time following coversations with ds. It seems more and more people are aware of giftedness, and it seems that we tend to interact with people who have had some experience, either personal or through family or other friends, with giftedness. I have decided to embrace it and have taught ds to do the same. I am open with him about the positives of being gifted and the challenges that go along with that as well. I used to feel the need to say "yes, he is gifted" and then follow up with a negative like, "but we also have the challenges that go along with that like overexcitabilities..." Now, I do not do that because I don't think it's good for ds. It is what it is, and people who know me know I'm not a "braggy" person. It's just a statement of fact. I understand, though, that it seems like you're boasting about your child. Sometimes I'll say, "yes, after a lot of research about some unique issues we were having, we decided that testing was in order and ds was diagnosed with giftedness. It's wonderful and challenging at the same time." If they ask more questions, I elaborate, but I don't offer mounds of info without being prompted.

Now, NO ONE, asks if ds is gifted because of his parents! LOL The 6 year old is the brightest one in the family. I was identified as mildly gifted when I was a child, but certainly not to the extent of my son. His biological father, who is deceased, was highly-profoundly gifted I am sure, but was never formally identified. If he was still around, I'm sure people would make the connection!

Yep, we are all Dorks and life is good!

We were asked by his Montessori School teacher on his 3rd day.

She has a lot of very bright kids of highly educated parents in her class - and the kids are a blast to play with, if I may say so myself..... She just gushes about him every day.

I think that's probably very well what was going on for me. I just wasn't prepared for it and if I had thought about it for a second before I answered, I might have responded differently. I'll try to think of a good answer for the future.

Nobody's really asked me this yet besides our pediatrician. We've had a lot of "she's so smart/advanced" etc. but since she's not in daycare or preschool or anything I guess there hasn't been as many opportunities for comparisons.

That is VERY much the case for us! DD hears more about Feynman than Barney.