Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school She scares kids

seriously, whenever dd 2.10 plays with kids her own age one of the other kids ends up crying. Not because DD is mean, she is very very nice to them.

Here are some examples.

several months ago DD was playing with another group of 2 year olds, one of the kids was playing with a horse and barn. DD got her horse, went up to the girl and had her horse say to the girls horse "Hey crazy guy. What are you up to" In her loud funny voice. he other child instantly burst into tears.

Last week at before stroy time at the library a group of 2 and 3 year old boys were playing independently with dinosaurs, dd went up to them with a dino and went "roar" instantly one little boy started crying.

Today after story time a little boy in her group (he's 2) said by to her. she hopped off the bench she was on, jumpped toward him in a kind of lunge and said BY! in her loud excited voice. He burst into tears and hid behind his mom.

These are just a few examples. It happens everytime. not when dd plays with 5-7 year olds, but kids her age always end up in tears. I am afraid dd is going to start getting a complex about plying with others. she always wants to know why she made them cry. "I was just trying to play with them mama. Why is he crying?"

Any advice?

I'm the mom of the kid who would have been crying in that situation. He didn't like to be lunged or shouted at. I know she's young but since he's bright and wants to figure this out it might be good to talk about how some kids don't like loud greetings. She could start to learn a few standard phrases like "can I play too?"

I don't have any advice but you do have my sympathy. DD's gotten that exact same reaction from other kids many times. She went through a stage where she decided to hug all the other kids on the playground when she first met them, which REALLY freaked some of the kids out. She tends to do best with kids that are about 2-3 years older than her. She likes to copy what they are doing and they seem to like to have a little tag along that they can tell what to do.

For kids her own age, I just really make sure to pay closer attention to their interactions in case I need to step in. It doesn't help that she's very big for her age (93rd+ percentile in everything) so she treats kids her own age more like dolls than real people (yes, we're working on that!).

I can say, though, from experience that it is possible to get past it. We were visiting a friend of mine who has a 2.5 year old (DD is 1) and he was absolutely scared to death of DD the first day we were there. She was clueless and kept trying to hug him and followed him around everywhere he went. However, after a day of that he decided she was OK and spent the rest of the time we were there playing with her or asking where she was when she was taking a nap. He then was really sad to see her go and thew a tantrum when we eventually had to leave. It was so nice to see DD with an actually friend to play with (that I didn't have to worry about her hurting all the time and could interact with her) that I had to share his sentiment but in a more adult manner.

She is definitly at an age where she is taking in information and making judgements about the nature of the world that might last her whole life. Not sure if that is 'a complex' but as good as in my book. To me the answer is making sure that she plays in mixed aged groups and with a wide variety of kids, chrono-age and mental-age. How would you feel about a neighbor who usually set her 5 year old up with 2 year olds and then acted suprised when it didn't go well? Judgemental? I'll bet you'd at least be puzzled.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

All of the examples you gave mentioned her being loud in some way or another. I know some kids are very sensitive to people addressing them in a loud voice, either being unused to it or associating it with getting yelled at for doing something wrong.

At her age you could start really working on the appropriate volume idea, otherwise known as the indoor/outdoor voice concept. Just like it is not appropriate to YELL inside at night when people are trying to sleep, or in a nice restaurant, or at church, it isn't appropriate to address friends or possible friends) in a loud aggressive way. It is appropriate to giggle and screech while running around outside playing with them and in that situation it probably wouldn't make them cry. You could even demonstrate how her actions might seem to other kids, having her pretend to be the other kid and you pretend to be her.

If it is really troubling her an explanation like this should help.

Amanda, once again our DDs are so so similar. My daughter talks in weird scary voices and thinks she is funny, used to like to roar like a dinosaur, etc. We go through the same thing. My DD3 is not only loud,her speaking voice is much more powerful than other children, but likes to hug and grab hands. We are working on toning that down, but she can't seem to regulate it and actually had an OT evaluation yesterday and the therapist did wonder if she had sensory issues that weren't letting her know she is too loud, shouldn't be in other's personal space etc. I am going to post elsewhere to get input on overexcitabilities versus sensory issues more enthusiastic than most children her age.

Last time I took DS14mo to a playgroup, he decided to kiss a girl he just met. I am sure her parents really like the idea.

Mr W wants to interact with his age mates but they don't. That can be threatening as he keeps trying to connect.

Sigh, DD and one of her friends also both kissed each other on the mouth once. Fortunately, neither one of them got upset and DD hasn't tried doing that again.