Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Not sure what to do - classroom distractability

JDAx3,
Like others have responded, that is pretty much the same problem we are having (except for the in-depth thing � DS6 will work on his own for weeks on something that interests him; also he doesn�t always complete his work at school, although he is getting better). The teacher suggests only extra work, not more challenging substitutions, and that does not appeal to him (or me). We also saw a temporary improvement, because of daily reminders from us and, I assume, some effort on the part of his teacher as well. But a 6-year-old boy only has so much patience, especially a bright, bored one!

A lot depends on the teacher, and the school�s policies. We are considering switching to a private school next year. I admire you for your decision to become your son�s teacher� I am terrified that I might have to� I�d also love to hear an update�

mnmom23 and BinB,

Thanks for asking. Unfortunately, the problem isn't really solved, but I haven't heard anything else about it. Although, report cards came out and I'm a bit perplexed by the teacher's comments. I'm not quite sure how to interpret this:

"X continues to do well academically in all subjects. Please continue to encourage him to go beyond the minimal expectations and to expand on the curriculum by further researching related topics, coming up with projects, etc. X also needs to stay focused on the tasks at hand and stay engaged with peers during group work."

At this point, I really just feel like there's an expectation that he would/should want to do *more* work and he doesn't. Heck, I wouldn't either. I do know that his classwork is completed in class, however, he is not allowed to do homework in class. I'm still really torn between feeling that he does need to conform to the teacher's rules/expectations and there is value in that, yet, also feeling that it'd be nice if she'd just let him do his homework in class if he's finished the classwork and it keeps him occupied. Actually, he tried to get a jump on the homework last week and was caught. Apparently, he was doing the packet while she was going over it (and he should have been paying attention and following along) - the work he'd done was taken, thrown away, and replaced with a blank one.

I really don't want to be the parent that expects a different set of rules for my kid, however, I can't help but feel that it might help the 'problems' she sees, kwim?

Arrrghh, I'm still frustrated and just waiting for next year. Not that I'm expecting a drastic 180 or anything, but I really hope to help him see learning as fun again instead of something to be endured. Sorry to unload all of this - guess I needed to vent. Thanks again for asking!!

My DD8's teacher said this to me at conferences and I was taken aback. On the one hand, it shows she knows my DD is capable of more complex work, but on the other hand, why should she HAVE to work beyond the class? I think this just goes along with what I always see at conferences, which is that no matter how far ahead your child is, they always have to find something "constructive" (read: critical) to say. Argh!

Sometimes a little change can help. Can they pull him out to learn Spanish or an instument? Our school did this for one student. Could he work ahead of the class on something that he already knows rather than waiting for everyone to get it? My DS went ahead of the class on his Daily Math Paper and then was able to get out his Mindware Math Book which he loves.

Teacher seems to want kids to follow the plan so they get what they need without missing important info. Is there any pretesting possibilities? Do they know he will be homeschooled next year? That might help them to loosen up the plan.

This is very hard. We are struggling with this too.

What if he isn't interested in in researching related topics in greater depth? In which case why would he be interested in going beyond minimal expectations. Does this then lead him to stretching the time out to complete tasks in class to finish in the required but no earlier as it would appear he either do this or do more work he is not interested in. I guess he sounds a lot like my son and it always grated on my nerves that the assumption was made that because he "did well" academically he would want to examine everything in depth! I personally don't see the big deal in allowing him to continue with his homework or whatever if he has completed his assigned work and isn't bothering anyone else. What is the teachers problem with this?

When they say group work do they mean working in smaller groups particularly for projects? In our experience my son hated this type of work because the expectation (from the group) was that he would do all the work. He eventually refused to participate and I had to go to the school and state his case so he wasn't penalised and was actually allowed to work on his own.

Funny...my mom said basically the same thing about the comments. More complex work is the key thing, I guess. I don't feel that DS should have to do anything in excess of what the other kids are doing (ie. projects, research papers, etc) - more challenging? Absolutely! A few extra worksheets to help fill the time? Maybe, although I'd prefer he just be able to do his homework.

One thing that I find....puzzling? is that DS skipped 4th and yet, according to his teacher he's still near the top of the class. I know that's a 'goal' (if you will) for a successful grade skip, but I sometimes wonder if the teacher is really aware of the implications? She knows he's doing well, but does she see that as a warning light? I just don't know.

Unfortunately, with the current state of our state's education system, I highly doubt anything like this would happen (although, to be fair, I haven't inquired). He does try to work ahead of the class - he tries to get his homework done while the teacher is still going over it - that's a big no-go in her class. I think she sees him as very unfocused and distracted, when he's very focused....on getting his HW done so he has more time to play after school .

I hear ya! I feel the same way and have the same thoughts running through my head. For many more reasons than I'll go into right now, I feel there is the belief that gifted=high/over-achieving here.

Couldn't tell you, I wish I knew. The resounding theme in all conversations is "unfocused", "distractable", as if someone is waiting for me to look into a diagnosis. The biggest problem I have with all of this is that he's getting his work done, and done well, and it's done by the time it's due. I really don't know what more they expect from him - other than to sit down, be quiet, follow along, and don't deviate from the norm. But he can't do his HW in class, and she doesn't give him 'filler' work - I'd hazard a guess that he'd do some extra worksheets (IN class) just to keep the boredom at bay.

You know, I'm not really sure what group work they're doing, DS hasn't ever mentioned anything. I do know that reading aloud with a group is really hard for him. He's becoming more aware of the fact that there are (what he refers to as) "smart kids" who aren't able to read as fast or as well as he can. He doesn't seem to understand why some of the smartest kids in class are still slowly sounding out words that come so easily for him. I've had the "everyone is different with different abilities at different times" talk with him, of course. But, I'm not quite sure what to make of it - is he beginning to see himself as so very different? Therefore, working with a group really isn't anything he's interested in? I just don't know.

All I am certain of is that I do want him to learn those valuable lessons of conforming when necessary, patience with others, and respect for the teachers who take the time to teach him. However, I wonder what effect forcing him to go with the flow of the classroom is having on his desire to learn.

That was much longer than I planned. Thanks for reading and being a sounding board.

Going back to your initial post, if you are considering HSing perhaps it can be left alone. As you stated the teacher didn't contact you. I would imagine if his behaviour was that disruptive the school wouldn't leave you guessing. Have you spoken to the teacher, been straight to the point and asked why he can't do his homework in class? Expressed your views on "in depth" work and why he is reluctant to do this? or do you feel that you can't approach the teacher with these questions?

That's the plan right now...to just hang on and get through the rest of this year. And no, I don't believe his behavior is that disruptive for the very reason that she hasn't initiated contact about it. I just would hate for it to get to the point that it is, kwim?

No, I haven't directly asked why he can't do his HW in class and there's really no reason other than I'm not totally comfortable doing so. It's my issue, really. I've been a bit spoiled, I guess - all of his previous teachers have been very proactive in recognizing and accomodating his 'needs'. If they saw lack of focus or distractedness, they gave him something to focus on. Depending on the grade, it could have been a classroom chore, a more challenging worksheet, different work, or subject acceleration. This is the first year that a teacher has commented on these things pretty consistently - any other time it's been mentioned (very rarely), it was followed by "He already knows XYZ, so we're going to..." or "I think it's time he did...". His teacher last year said it best when she said she didn't think she could be in a completely non-stimulating environment all day, either. I mentioned to her once that DS said he doodled on his whiteboard during math because he already knew what they were doing, she said she already knew. She saw it and let him be because he DID already know those concepts (and he was 'occupied') and she was working on a plan to send him to the 4th grade class for math.

Soo, I'm new to this side of things and am not quite sure what the best approach would be. I don't want to overstep and alienate her or the parent/teacher partnership. This would be so much easier (for me) if she'd just read my mind and do all these things, LOL . Perhaps I should ask his teacher what her ideal solution would be, so I'd know what her expectation is?? Or attend a class - How to Advocate 101...

Do you believe his behaviour has the potential to become problematic? If not, perhaps it's better to leave it. If you do know it will or you're not sure about it then I think at some point you are going to need to broach it with the teacher. If you're not comfortable meeting one-one with the teacher would a conference be better? To be fair and honest I was fortunate to be in a unique situation with the school and as a result only ever had to negotiate the finer points of DS's accommodations. Having said that I rarely spoke with only the teacher, preferring instead to also involve the principal and any other necessary personnel. I found there was less room for emotion and miscommunication and a greater chance of change being implemented. That's what worked for me.

I really don't see his behavior becoming problematic. Of course, "problematic" is subjective to the teacher's POV. He's just not one to be intentionally or maliciously disrespectful to his teachers.

I think your idea to leave it alone, is essentially what I've been doing and will, most likely, continue to do. Knowing that he won't be in a traditional school setting next year has changed our attitude a bit - again, just trying to hang on and make sure that he's doing OK and not getting into trouble. If he's redirected by the teacher from time to time, that's not a big deal or what I would consider "trouble".

I've also speculated (with DH) that some of this may be a difference in maturity for DS, and that can only be solved with time. She may be keenly aware of some of these...traits? in DS because he is 1-2 years younger than her other students, and therefore, they're quite noticeable. And well, part of it is just because he's made that way, !

I've enjoyed the discussion and it's nice to know that there are other folks out there with such wisdom and experience. Thanks! Might I ask...how is your son doing now? Is he still in school?