Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Looking for information on Motivation

Hi all!
I am looking for some information on motivation and its relationship with parents and their children. Below is just a few ideas, if you have more, please add on.

What do you do to help motivate your children? To do chores, to complete homework (or other learning activities), to be independent

Do you use rewards on a regular basis to convince your children to do things? What are the rewards (candy, tv time, parent time, �)?

Do you allow them to struggle through some things in order to gain more confidence? If you do, why? If you do not why?

Thanks
Louella

I still stuggle with this but...

I try to motivate my kids this way. I talk to them away from the moment of resistance. Then ask if they could help me out with doing X. I keep the converstion short and with out judgement. Mention a benefit of doing X. EX. if he follows the morning routinue we can get to school on time and have a more pleasant morning. I also ask if something is getting in the way of what needs to be done? If I give my kids choices for what needs to be done that helps. Ex. Do you want to make your bed before or after breakfast. I also remind the kids it feels better to boss yourself rather than someone following him around to do the right thing.

I also try to avoid the power struggles. Sometimes I just walk away and say I know you will do the right thing.

By far my favorite resource- http://www.amazon.com/Love-Learning...mp;s=books&qid=1261885288&sr=8-1

A Love for Learning: Motivation and the Gifted Child. It was a huge breakthrough moment for why my son is so different at school vs. at home etc. Why he needs extrinsic reward to complete projects that are "below" him and how to help transition that to a more intrinsic reward too.

You could take a look at "The Mislabeled Child" which we found useful. It helps understand your child's learning strengths and weaknesses and how to address them. Very positive.
http://www.amazon.com/Mislabeled-Ch...mp;s=books&qid=1261904226&sr=1-1

If your library doesn't carry it pick it up on abebooks or powells.

As a side note, there must be loads of parents with these quite expensive books sitting on their shelves, many of which aren't in the local library to borrow. Couldn't there be some kind of book lending service be set up for users of this site? Or maybe if somebody has read a book, perhaps they may be in a position to answer specific questions about the book so people don't do as I have done in the past and spend ���s on a 'recommended' book only to find I have bought a pup. Just a thought

I use inter-library loan and other than the Murderous Maths books I have been able to get every book I was looking for although I did have to wait a week or two at times. Then if something is a really great reference I think I will use again I order it at Amazon.

I also use inter-library loan for 95%. The rest I get from Paperback Swap. I rarely buy books unless it's a spectacular reference that I'll use again and again.

I second the Love for Learning book! It was the first book to really help us.

chrys

I appreciate the book suggestions, but I'm really looking for more personal touches and stories.

Louella,

As a parent of four children I have to say that motivation is pretty subjective in my book. Each of my kids was their own person entirely and each was motivated by different things to different degrees. My youngest loves to "help" and loves to be the "good" kid so asking her to help or verbally praising her efforts or achievements works really well. DS8 likes to be right or the best so I often give a little story which highlights how well someone else did with something and he likes to compete. I try not to make him ever feel in competition with family members etc and try instead to focus his competition against himself - e.g. he remembered to make his bed on his own three times last week - does he think he can remember more often next week? Second youngest loved to follow the rules so if it was laid out that this is how we do things and these are the house rules he would follow along. Oldest loved attention of any sort so if I offered to spend time helping him clean his room or time afterward with him if he did it on his own he would respond.
Of course these were their main motivators as discovered by me and not the ONLY things that motivated them.
My ultimate goal is/was to help them become self-motivated - to learn what drives themselves and take advantage of that to achieve their goals/desires.