Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Dealing with extended family

Does anyone else finding it exhausting to deal with extended family when your kids are so different from the other grandchildren/cousins etc.? Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings have just worn me out. If I open my mouth about my teenage children's interests or pursuits, they all look at me as though I am crazy or showing off or worse. If I ask my nephew and niece about what they are studying in college (one is apparently majoring in fraternity and the other, despite acing calculus in high school, is now majoring in "family and consumer science" and working on a MRS), my in-laws get defensive. Even close friends' bright children are planning to attend state universities. I have yet to meet anyone who can understand why my children would want to attend a college out of state.

Well, attending a state school doesn't necessarily mean dumbed-down people, especially given the economy.

I hear you about the lack of intellectual interests leading you to feel out of place, but that's really a separate issue from attending a state school. There are plenty of good programs at state schools!

I agree that state school may have good programs and I wouldn't hesitate to send my children to a state school to study something in which that school specialized. I guess what bothers me is that I don't encounter many people who make thoughtful decisions regarding college. There is just an assumption that all students will go to college whether they are interested in education or not and that all students who grow up in our area will attend one of a very small number of schools. When I heard that my nephew who has never voluntarily read a book was majoring in psychology because he couldn't get into engineering school, I was appalled.

Psych was the fallback department for many people in my undergrad university, too. It was a small, private, liberal arts school, and not everyone could hack the challenge level. It always sort of annoyed me because I had an interest in psych, but I was not about to major (or minor) in it given its reputation as a cop-out major.

Looking back these 20-ish years, I'd say that I got a good education at the private school, but I'm not sure it was worth all the extra $$$. Even factoring in my scholarships, I suspect I'd have been better served overall at a state school for undergrad. I'd have missed out on some things that were fabulous, but I'm not sure those opportunities were worth all the money.

And at today's prices? Well, I suspect my kids will be state school bound! Barring a really good scholarship at an expensive school, of course.

US society puts huge pressure on people to go to college, and many high schools and public figures tout a college education as a ticket to increased earnings. Many people who would otherwise probably not go to college have no choice if they want to learn a trade or certain types of professions.

I see this as both a weakness in our national perspective on education and an extension of the American brand of capitalism. It may be why bibliophile sees relatives who've never read a book headed for a local community or state college. They have no choice.

What I mean is that lots of skills that aren't taught in "college" elsewhere in the world are taught in community and state colleges in the US. For example, in some European countries, if you want to be a nurse, firefighter, or civilian aircraft mechanic, you'd do an apprenticeship. Apprenticeships involve taking classes and learning on the job. On the job training involves increasing increments of responsibility as you pass classes and gain experience. This is kind of like...college programs in nursing, firefighting, and aircraft mechanics in the US. But European apprentices get paid, as opposed to their US counterparts, who may have to borrow thousands of dollars and work a part-time job to boot. (And no, I don't think this builds character. I think it shuts some people out of higher education altogether, eats up valuable study time and reduces the overall quality of graduates, not to mention forcing people to start their adult lives already in debt.) This is a sad thing.

Okay, I got a bit off the path there. But the overall message is that our society has an expectation that people should go to college. This idea becomes more important as manufacturing jobs continue to move overseas. So, outside of the military, there really aren't a lot of avenues to earning a decent wage outside of the ones that lead to a degree or a certificate.

I suspect that all this may be why a lot of people don't appear to give the decision to go to a local college a lot of thought (as bibliophile has observed in some of her relatives). They probably think a lot about what they want to do, and the next decision is obvious and necessary: stay close to home, live with Mom and Dad or some friends, keep expenses to a minimum.

Just my two cents.


Val

In the small, rural, blue-collar community where I grew up, opting to go anywhere but the local state school was seen as putting on airs. I didn't even leave for a private school--just an urban out-of-state state school--and many people, including my parents and relatives, seemed to take this as a rejection of them and their entire way of living. But to be fair, it was! I couldn't get out fast enough and wouldn't dream of going back!

((kcab)) I don't think I could last two weeks without a break. And I know for certain that DH would be "blowing up" if he didn't get time off from such a visit! Hang in there, and try to be patient with ds. He must be feeling awful if he's been flipping out regularly.

I love the idea of 2 hour baths! Very creative.