Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I want her to have friends

My DD3 goes to preschool twice a week for three hours, and children like her and she is very social, but I wish she had one friend that she could really talk with and play with in a way that she plays with me. In part, this would give me a break, but also show her it is fine to be who she is and that children can say and do the things she does. We met a child turning 6 today at the library and her speech and play seemed to lag behind my DD3 (and this is one of the only places I can say this and not feel that someone thinks I am bragging or being mean) and I just felt sad. Maybe it is my need and my DD is fine, but I imagine she'd like to be able to find someone to really play with her on her level and imagine a 6 or 7 year old might think she is too little since she isn't that big and has a baby's face. Where do your little ones find children to play with if they aren't readily available through preschool, neighborhood, or classes? Thanks.

I wish I knew....we have this problem here. DD plays very well with 6 year olds and they will play with her, but typically not when there are a bunch of them, and i am not sure if they would if we invited them over to play. You know I remember feeling very lonely as a child for this same reason. I really made friends with adults and this lasted all my life. I worry about this for my DD too.

We've had much good luck with MG to HG kids who are 1-2 years older. They're easier to find than HG+ kids the same age, the age difference isn't so noticeable when it's only 1-2 years, and interests are often well-aligned when it's GT families you're dealing with.

After 5+ years, DS8 is still good friends with a boy he went to preschool with, a neighbor, and a family friend, all of whom fit the pattern of being 1-2 years older and MG to HG.

If you can find a mixed age preschool where your child is one of the youngest kids in the class, it can make for a better hunting ground in my experience.

HTH!

I have yet to find a playmate for DS4 who is at his level of giftedness, but between preschool, kindergarten, neighbors and cousins, he has so many friends that I've stopped worrying about it. Two of his closest friends, a neighbor and a cousin, are each a year older than him, which helps bridge the gap, but as I write this, he's in his bedroom happily playing with a same-age, ND former preschool classmate. My son reads at the 5th or 6th grade level, and the kid he's playing with now doesn't even know how to write his own name, but they both love Star Wars and the latest Lego toys, which is all that seems to matter in the end. As much as I hate to admit it, marketing and popular culture can be a great levelers!

There are levels of need for friendship, and many little gifties are years beyond their age. The library is a great place to look. I was always very 'agressive' in shaking hands and meeting other Moms who had kids that my kid enjoyed. The nice thing is that at this age, you decide who the playdates are. See if the library will start a book club or a game night - even offer to organize it. Call up your 3rd cousins and see if they are game to come for a visit, or happen to know someone who lives in your area. Join the state gifted association. Hire a 6 year old as a 'mother's helper' or a teenage or retired person as a 'tutor.'

What did Rodney Dangerfield say? Oh yes, they tied meat around his neck so that the dog would play with him. Think outside the box.

If you belong to a religious organization pull someone aside and ask for help. As Kriston said: 'MG plus 1 or 2 years will often do nicely.' And there are those ND kids who have that 'special something' who always stay friends - you just like in your daughter's diet, you don't want all protien, you want to provide a healthy balance of humans for her to interact with, including, if possible 'likeminded' peers.

smiles,
Grinity

lol "healthy balance of humans"

very true!

Yummy!

Got to ditto MsFriz on the marketing and pop culture comment! DS, who is 6 1/2, had much greater success "cracking" the older crowd when he fell in love with Pokemon, began collecting the cards and playing the games. Common interests become the great leveler and it's easier when they're a little older. Nobody says "You're just 6 you can't play Pokemon" to him, except adults. Generally the same adults get huge eye rolls from the 8-10 year olds in the room and then they want to see my DS's card collection and challenge him to a battle.

It was hard when he was 3. We just hung out at the science museum a lot. I bought a membership and let him follow around whatever 5-6 year olds would tolerate a shadow. :-) I now patiently remind DS that the 3 year old following him needs patience without a condescending voice lol!

Definitely! It's much easier when your child is into Legos and Bakugan and Pokemon (or whatever) than if they're not. I third that!

DD2.5 good friend is 4 and based on his parents I'm guessing at least MG. This friendship is mutual and both of the kids are always asking to call and set up a playdate. They also enjoy talking on the phone. The 4 year old sees her as equal as she is not that much younger or smaller in size so it works very well. The parents also conveniently forget the age difference.