Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How do you teach a conscious?

My DS6 made a really crappy remark this morning, the kind that makes me want to take everything out from under the tree and send it back. It struck me right upside the head that my DS is spoiled rotten! Although he doesn't get everything he wants, he operates outside of the limits placed on the rest of the household because of his unique situation. For most of the folks on here, if you have more than one child, they are related and probably both gifted. In our house everyone is adopted and not related, so DS6 stands out like a sore thumb.

In having a conversation with DS after his outburst this morning, I realized that DS has no awareness of the human suffering that goes on every day. He thought that every other kid in the world had an existence pretty much like his. He figured that any problems were taken care of by forster parents like us and that's that. Nice tidy idea.....

Don't get me wrong, my son is compassionate to the people in his world, especially with new foster kids coming in. Part of this lack of awareness is definitely my fault as when he was 3 he suffered from night terrors and we kept him away from the news at all costs.

We spent several hours on the internet today, getting educated. We looked up statistics (mathy kid) regarding starvation in children. We looked at images and read stories. We talked about social responsibility. He watched an interview with an charitable organization that is run by a child not much older than he is. He designed a donation bottle for the table at the preschool to see if he can collect money for the foodbank. He wrote an essay on how important it is to be grateful. He worked really hard.

Point of all of this.... Although It opened my eyes and started him down a path that he hasn't travelled to this point, I feel like today was just a bandaid.

So after this whole dialogue, my question is how are you instilling social responsibility in your kids? Is it something you're concerned about at a young age? What can I do to continue in the great start we got today?

I think these activities are a great start, and what fabulous ideas! I'm going to try these with my ds6. I think it's pretty typical to be self absorbed and egocentric at 6. I know my child is emotionally sensitive and that he does empathize a great deal with others, but he often manages to relate it to himself in some way. It's very developmentally appropriate IMHO. It's definitely our job as parents to teach social responsibility, but at this age, it's just a start. All they know how to do is understand the world as it relates to themselves. For example, if I tell my son that a family friend is sick and in the hospital, he says, "that's so sad. Is it something I could get? It won't happen to me, will it?"

That said, here's what we do: we visit nursing homes and assisted living facilities (take gifts, go play games with the residents, or just talk with them); we donate our old toys to a sharing center (he likes to go by and see if anyone has bought his toys-they are greatly reduced in price); we say prayers each night and always pray for those who are "hungry, lonely, hurting, afraid, and/or homeless"; we are also starting a pen pal program with a child from a different culture; we always give money to the people begging on the side of the road-I know some people don't agree with this, but we know we have good intentions and I think it teaches our son compassion for others; also, we do random acts of kindness so that our son can see how good it feels to do something nice for someone else (pay a toll for the car behind us, pay for a shoppers groceries, buy the coffee for the person behind us at the coffee shop, give up a seat on the airport shuttle or amusement park, share our lunch or snacks with others at the park, etc). Because we spent so much time in nursing homes, my son now will walk away from me in a grocery store if he sees an elderly person carrying anything. He'll go ask if he can carry it for them or hold their hand. LOL

My son's biological father, who passed away when ds was a baby, spent a year teaching 5th grade to underpriveleged children. He started a program called "Operation Covert Kindness." Once a month, his class would choose an activity like making ice cream sundaes, popping popcorn, making greeting cards, etc. Then they'd get to choose whether to keep them or give them to another class. They always chose to give them away because they had so much fun surprising another class with a treat. They'd quietly walk into another class (unannounced), not say a word, and give a treat to each student. Then the last child out of the room would leave a note on the teachers desk that said, "you've just been hit by Operation Covert Kindness." They even had a little sign language "gang sign," OCK. It was a great lesson for all of them. I worked at the same school at the time, and it was amazing to see how excited they were to do something nice for others. It made me cry every time they did it! I try to find little ways to incorporate that into our lives in our community.

Thanks for starting this thread. I'd like to hear some other ideas as well.

It's been a while since I've read this book below. There maybe some books that deal with being a good citizen at the library.

If the World Were a Village
A Book about the World's People
How do you help children understand who are the more than six billion people on Earth? You simply imagine that the whole world consists of only one hundred people (one person represents 62 million people). You�ll find that in this village 22 people speak a Chinese dialect, 20 earn less than a dollar a day, 17 cannot read or write, 60 are always hungry, 20 are under the age of ten, and one is a teacher. There are �189 chickens�yes, there are nearly twice as many chickens as people in the global village!�

This exciting and educational tour through the imagined global village illuminates our world and brings us a little closer to what the author calls �world-mindedness.� A teacher�s guide and a list of sources and calculations are included. Hardcover, 32 pages. Smithsonian�s Notable Books for Children.

Wolf and Bear go through their toys and personally deliver the donations to shelters or other such places. Wolf knows that if he isn't playing with it, the toy should go to someone who doesn't have as many (or even any) toys so that it will get played with like it was meant to. Same with clothes... Both of them are really good about it and Wolf has even suggested to go through the toys on his own at random times through the year.

Mr W was born sensitive to others' suffering. He will comfort others who are hurting by patting them on the shoulder. And in extreme cases, will tear up. He will share many things.

I've helped people in the past who were totally irredeemable psychopaths. So, I think its important to teach Mr W that some people are beyond help, too, and that a small fraction of those are extremely dangerous.

I love the book "Jimmy and Ryan". I found it at hte library and now we following Ryan's journey online http://www.ryanswell.ca/

I try to involve my girls in pasta drives for the local soup kitchen, etc. And today's visit to the blood bank was quite awesome. They got to ask lots of questions, learn about blood and sit on my lap while I donated. There were some videos online of where the blood might go and how it might be used. Not only was the experience educational, but a good 'heart' experience for them - especially at this time of year when commercialism/capitalism is running rampant.

Goodluck and keep us posted on what works for you...

We have a lot of opportunity through our church to help those in need. We go on mission trips to remodel housing, a group went to clean up after Katrina; we have a family in the church who attend the local college, they are from Kenya, we send aid to their community in Kenya. We support missionaries all over the world, meeting physical needs is a large part of their ministry.

At an individual level, we teach respect & caring for the animals we are responsible for. We help family, friends, & neighbors in need. We drop money in the Salvation Army buckets, and explain why. We drop off unneeded things at the local Salvation Army thrift store, and we buy there too. Our purchases not only save us money but help provide jobs there. We explain that, too.

We also do community volunteer work, as a family and through our campfire troop. I think teaching this is definitely something that needs to be done throughout childhood and it's good for kids to perceive it as a parental priority.

Thanks for the book recomendation! I'll definitely look for it. After sitting down and thinking hard last night, I realize that the issue here is my own, not his. What I mean by that is that I've come to expect him to "just know" everything. It sounds terrible but I think you guys all know what I mean. But in this case, he really is 6 and relates to the world by how it applies to him. Because of the foster kids he knows that not everyone has great parents, but he believed that all kids were just placed with people like us when there was an issue. We talked a little more last night, he shared with the older kids at the dinner table.

My first reaction yesterday was "OMG, I'm raising a sociopath!" Now that I've had time to reflect, I realize it's lack of exposure more than anything. That I can take care of.

Definitely just sounds like lack of exposure - if he really had no conscience that would be serious, but it sounds like he's just sheltered, which isn't all that bad.

Another couple books you might like - Material World, and Hungry Planet. They're both photo-essays on how people live around the world (the first specific to what people have and the second focusing on what people eat). They're not heavy-handed, but they're not sugar-coated either. They do focus on average families, so there isn't much focus on the truly destitute, but there are families in very hard situations.

A little sheltering isn't a bad thing IMO. It's worth addressing, but there's something to be said for a six year old not bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. I think if you overdo it young, you can end up with a cynic later.