Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion So how did you get them to work through it?

I'm embarassed to say that I know we made things worse re: DS's perfectionism last year. Everything was so easy for DS bthat he didn't take care with his work and made a lot of careless mistakes. DH and I (unfortunately for our kids, we're both perfectionists, too -- albeit of different types) thought his "sloppy" work was unacceptable. We told DS that we expected him to do his best. If he understood the content, his work needed to be neat, complete and correct -- in other words, perfect. ACK!!!!

Thankfully, we've realized the error of our ways. Schoolwork is a hard thing for which to praise DS's efforts because it's not challenging for him. He generally does it on the bus so that he has more free time when he gets home. It's not always particularly neat, but he's working on checking it over to avoid "careless" errors, so I try to focus on that effort.

DH and I are both working on changing our mindsets from praising the results to the efforts. We have always tried to find something specific about work to praise, so that it wasn't a general "good job" comment, but it WAS generally about the end product. It's a real challenge to make the shift, but we're consciously trying.

If only I could show DS how many parenting mistakes I've made (and I haven't given up on the effort yet). He'd surely see how perfect I am not!

I think it's harder to be the perfectionist parent for sure!!! If my DC saw how many times I broke down from "failing", they'd call me names!!! Ha! Thankfully for me, my DH is quite the opposite! He keeps us all sane, I think! Haha!

You're doing the best with what you got and what you know, and that's all that matters. Recognizing the issues now for me and my DS have made it MUCH easier for both of us to get through our tantrums!!!

Thanks, JJsMom! I do my best to remember that.

I'm going to have DD8 read the posts about piano practice, especially "extra stinky" and "slightly stinky"! With her ribald sense of humor, she'll have a good laugh.

I'm dealing with the same issues with both my DDs. I push DD8 for excellent work, but occasionally I let things slide. I rarely check her homework, and if she makes careless mistakes, I will simply point out -- that was careless. None of us is perfect. DD8's handwriting is awful, and she most likely will get "needs improvement" in her next report card, to which I say "So what?"

As I said on another post, music lessons are a wonderful way to stretch your child's brain, and to make your gifted child realise there's always room for improvement. My DD8 is finally realizing learning can be tough, simply because of her piano lessons.

When he was four, he certainly thought he wanted to learn to play. Shortly after he turned five we started with a local instructor. He hit the ground running, learned to read all the notes, time values, etc., pretty quickly, and had a bit of fun in the beginning. And then I'm sure he was wondering just what the heck he'd gotten himself into.

Unfortunately for him, he doesn't have much say over piano lessons. And doubly-unfortunately (from his perspective) he's pretty darned good at it. He generally loathes practice (although, as mentioned, it's getting less painful), but he really enjoys playing the songs he has learned, transposes on his own and runs away with improvisation beyond his teacher's expectations.

He just started trumpet with the school band and really enjoys playing with other kids. He realizes just how much progress he's made with piano and because he's got so much experience, he can focus on improving his trumpet skills. However, according to people living across the canyon from us, he's still at the elephant-in-death-throes stage.

Difficult. DS6 (5 when he started) did want to learn, but I also definitely encouraged him to (e.g., have talked for years about "when you're old enough to practise regularly, then you can have lessons" when he banged on the piano). So he's "always" known that regular practice is part of the deal. Now that he's had one term of lessons, what he says is "I like playing the piano, and I like my piano lessons, but I hate practising". Actually, he doesn't complain about it too much, but he does need a lot of support, i.e. me telling him to do it *now* and, often, sitting with him and telling him to play that again but now concentrating on [whatever], etc. Not always though - sometimes, I can ask whether he wants to do X or piano practice next, he'll choose piano practice, and just go and do it. He only practises for 10 minutes, but he does do it (practically) every day: this seems to be a good pattern for now.

That said, I don't think I'd want to be doing this amount of cajoling for more than one thing!

Both my kids take piano, and I require daily practice if I'm going to pay for lessons. But 5 minutes is all I ask for. Once the boys sit down at the keyboard, they inevitably get into it and play for much longer.

It is possible to have him just practice a couple times a week. Daily practice isn't strictly required if the child is just wanting to dabble a bit. Maybe do the bulk of the work on the weekend, when he has more time? Fun should be the first requirement of any extracurricular! Maybe talk to him about how much practice time he is willing to devote?

Letting my kids play for me often--As in "Look what I can do, Mom!"--is something that seems to help their motivation.

Having a keyboard with hundreds and hundreds of crazy sound effects also helps. You haven't lived until you've heard "Ode to Joy" played as guttural grunts or cows mooing!

I agree with you completely about not pushing him into something he doesn't really want to do and trying to prioritize his free time to suit his needs (and wants!). I think that's very smart. But if he's into piano and just doesn't want to spend a lot of time on it, what about arranging for lessons only every-other week? Or trying lessons for a few weeks of weekly lessons and then deciding if it's too much of a commitment?