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Thanks for the tip BKD. It is all quite bizaar - that is awful that it has made your advocacy more difficult. Tizz

And now I'm having one of those all-too-frequent fuzzy doubtful moments - we did use the same one didn't we? Otherwise I've revealed to the world that I'm completely ditzy.

Hi BKD - Yes, pretty sure we did - and no, you are definately not ditzy

Hey Tizz,

I recognize many of your daughters traits with those of my own. I hate to do anything that's not interesting to me.

But here's some of the difference. I obviously matured too quickly. So it would probably help to treat her like an adult, also by her teacher.

I don't remember what actually motivated me at that age, I think I was quite average. Actually, I think I spoke a lot in class, and I most definately hated homework.

Around the age of 13-15 I had grades, and I was driven by the consept that I had to do well to become rich as an adult(so I could provide for my family). I did not understand the meaning of the things I learned! And this is where my teacher was great, because he respected that. But he said I needed to get through with it, I had to learn it, so I could get into a good school and become successful. I'm not saying that your daughter is at this stage, I'm saying that some of it might apply to her as well.

Key is to have a good teacher-pupil relation. Even though she's gifted, she still has the same rules as everybody else. Forget about being gifted, think of her as a normal child with strengths and weaknesses. And ask yourself how to prevent those weaknesses from taking over. Think motivation and encouragement.


Below is something that might be a bit off, but might be relevant.

I don't know how you're raising her, if you're giving her a lot of space to do whatever. The thing is consequences. I was brought up getting a lot of slams on me. It might have been very harsh. I don't have anything to compare to. My parents were strict. So I think that has made me into the person I am today. I am thankful for what they did to me, because without it I could have been an idiot. But consequences are good sources of motivation, being in contact with the real world.

Give her the truths. Tell her, that she has the potential in her, if she wants. Tell her how much you love her and how you'll always have her back.

You say that she says she is the smartest, and I believe she is, but maybe she has gotten ahead of herself. She says she knows it all, well, present her problems she can't handle yet. Don't give her worksheets, give her a math puzzle that will make her rethink her position. I know that math problems that I can't solve, will drive me to learn how to solve it.

Anyway, this is just my perspective on things There are many thoughful and great posts here already. A bit hard to get a grasp on things, but I hope I helped just a little bit.

Thanks TommyH - I will try some more difficult puzzles and see how she copes. I will also talk about how doing well in school can help with success later on. Thanks for your input and advice. I am hoping that she may find the right puper/teacher relationship.

Hi there from one "Tizz" to another
I really feel for your DD and it sounds like her teacher doesn't "get" her at all. My DS5 needs lots of encouragement to attempt some things - his standard position is that he can't/wont - this is due to perfectionism and fear of failure. You haven't mentioned this so I am assuming that it is not a problem for your DD, I just thought that I would mention it as it took DH and I a while to figure out what was going on with DS5. I know that girls also seem a lot more aware of conforming with their peers. Maybe also she just isn't challenged and therefore sees school as a social event so chooses to do just that. Is there anyone else at the school that you can approach for advice/help?

Hi,

I think many of us are in this same boat. Everytime we attempt to chart our course and set sail, for what we think will be a educational voyage, our DD 4.5yrs up and out-grows our plan.

We found early on at age 3.5 that she was hiding her ability. Her preschool teacher had no clue that she could read Level 2 I can read books, and thought she only knew her letters. DD would spend her entire day painting, playing and generally just hanging out and having fun (this is what preschool should be). We had no problem with this, until our DD started having in depth discussions with us at home about adding and subtracting fractions and yet in class they were learning their numbers. We asked her if her teacher knew she already knew her numbers, and she replied, "No, she really loves teaching kids" WOW - my DD knew how much her teacher loved her job, and wanted to let her do it, rather than speak up and say "I already know this".

We scheduled a Parent Teacher Conference the next day. We brought samples of the math, art and reading that she was doing at home to show what she could do. The teacher talked to the administrator the next day, and within 2 weeks our DD was transitioned into the K class at 3.9yrs.

Now, we did have to sell this to the K teacher, who rightfully so was a little concerned about having a 3yr old in her class, however, after 4 days, DD showed that she was an focused, repectful learner (even if she already knew the K material too) and was a great fit in the class. (well quite a bit shorter than the rest of the kids, but socially fit fine)

At 4.2 the K teacher called us for a conference and told us that she knew that our DD had past all the standards for K and probably first grade, however, was almost rufusing to do anything in class and that she had again reverted to "just playing" and doing "practical life jobs". (which again was fine, since her physical development was still that of a 4 year old). Again, we spoke to DD, and asked her why she is spending all her time at those jobs, and didn't she want to do more academic jobs? And again, the responce was that she knew her teachers loved teaching, and she did not want to hurt their feelings. Plus the oldest girl in the class (someone DD looked up to) could only read to set 6 book 3 of the phonics readers, so DD did not want to make that little girl feel bad,since that little girl "feels so good about being the best reader in the class" as my DD put it, that she couldn't bear to hurt her feelings either.

So......bottom line, we now use a private school/distance learning/homeschool for her education ensuring that she can learn at her own pace which is fast without hurting anyone. LOL And she still attends her other school 2 days a week in the 1st-3rd class, and fits right in with the kids. She actually has taken on a more of a nurturing role and helps the other students. Which in and of itself would not be how I want her entire educational year to go, but this works, since I know she is learning it at home and solidifying it by helping others. I also think being around the older kids has forced her to step up and "show off" her abilities (almost proving to them why she belongs there).

Like I said at the start, each time we think we have it planned...bam...she up and outgrows it. We have now just decided that we are making plans for today and today only, and that we make them with full knowledge that when she changes, we will change our plan.

Gifted kids sure can surprise us with how much the know and feel!

:-) So glad this board is here!

Tiz - thanks for your input! yes, perfectionism could be an issue with the writing as she never seems satisfied and when she was in preschool the teacher said she would screw up a lot of her work as she wasn't happy with it. However, I don't see this as an issue generally with her as she does try new things in other areas. She told other parents that she already knows the answers to the questions asked so she just wants the other kids to 'have a go at answering' as they are still learning it. This was given as her reason for non-participation in quizzes etc. When asked she will answer though. thanks again, Tizz

Yes, she does seem to react differently to who I would expect JewelsJC. It was interesting to read your experiences with your daughter. I think my daughter too is very aware of letting the teacher teach - at least where the other kids are concerned. She is very strong-willed though when she just wants to do her own thing. She is quite like my son in one way, in that, she has to see a practical reason for doing something (eg. she cannot stand copying out a sentence just to practice handwriting, as opposed to writing a letter to her cousin or invitations to her party). I am sure that a lot of kids are like this... Some just are more compliant...:)

One thing that has been revealed to me recently is that other parent's views of my DD are completely different to that of the teacher. These are parents who have spent a lot of time in the classroom. They seem to "get" where she is at, and the teacher just seems to have no idea..... Most of them say she is far ahead of where the class is at and will not participate as she is bored and disengaged.