Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion The face of calm.....

I'm sitting here watching my DS6 sleep. He's sleeping because he wore himself out screaming at what a horrible person I am. Chanting "My mom hates me", tears rolling, completely out of control for 45 minutes. Through it all I wore my standard face of calm and wondered at what point his emotional age is going to get beyond toddler.

I've read a lot about asynchronous behavior including emotional development which tends to lag behind, but this is crazy. At what point do you stop calling it normal for GT?

He's been doing great for the last couple of weeks, now all of a sudden he's hitting, not following directions and completely falling apart with every correction. I'm at a loss.

Shari,

How often does he have these episodes? Are you recording his behavior in order to do comparisons and to provide information for a diagnosis?

What does your mom-gut say? Does this seem like a "normal" tantrum (whatever that means...), or are you actually worried that something is wrong?

Dunno if this helps, but we had a saying in Girl Scouts that it's not normal for kids to behave well all the time. It helps me sometimes to remind myself of that.

Has something changed that might be throwing him off?

What set him off today? Is that the same thing (or similar to the things) that usually sets him off?

Were food and sleep normal today? In my experience, those are not to be underestimated as a tantrum trigger!

Do you think he's coming down with something? DD5 regressed about 3 years during last night's temper tantrum and she's been fighting off a cold.
P.S. When he's in a receptive mood, you may want to explain that you don't give into his temper tantrums because you love him too much to let him grow up thinking that will get him what he wants.

What set him off was not earning free time on the computer today. He lost the chance by hitting other kids twice. He's always been very emotional, but there have been a few times lately that he just seems to lose control.

This whole thing with hitting and not respecting other people's personal space is fairly new. He's not sick although one of his brothers has the flu so maybe. His sleep has never been good, but I can't say that it's worse than normal. He seems to be loving his school work, even asking if we can continue science past the time frame. I just don't know.

Electronics are a big trigger for my kids. They want what they want when they want it, and I tend to have an iron fist about computer game-type stuff that triggers bad behavior. My kids can't play Wii at all this fall, and that's after they couldn't play it at all all summer. They play it once and get ROTTEN! Mouthy, mean to one another, angry, ignoring my rules, etc. When it happens now, I just cut them off. It solves a lot of problems. I get tired of it, especially since they are usually very well-behaved without the Wii.

I don't know if my experience there is at all relevant, since it sounds like the hitting came before the computer-related tantrum. The hitting seems to me to be a separate issue. But I'd see an outburst over the media issue from my kids, too. Not 45 minutes' worth, but a definite tantrum.

So sorry!

What are you thinking about it? What's your take?

The nap is over. After a very reasonable conversation with my DS in which he made very valid points, I've decided to try a new approach.

Since the beginning of this adventure the one piece of advice I've always followed is to follow his lead. We've studied all kinds of things that I never would have considered had it not been for his interest. He told me today that he needs time on the computer so that he can get good at it. He needs to practice his typing, his research skills etc. He says that it is a skill he needs to complete his future studies. He made a point to tell me that no matter how bad he was I'd never take away his Math or Grammar so why then do I take away the computer?. He's right!

If he wanted to practice the violin 5 times a day, I buy a set of earplugs and send him on his way. If he had dreams of the PGA and hit golf balls for 3 hours a day, I wouldn't say no.

So I've decide that the same should go for the computer. The computer is his passion. I'm going to follow his lead. I'm going to set up a new schedule complete with 2-3 hours of computer time. I'll give him typing, programming and research projects. I'll teach him to use Microsoft Publisher and Excel. Whatever I can think of to give him the skills he so desperately wants. It won't be in a block and will take place after regular schoolwork. It's crazy, but normal rules don't apply with DS so it just might work.

Crossing my fingers, off I go...........

I think that is an excellent idea, Shari.
It changes the view of a computer from a toy to a tool. That is something I think is very important in today's world.
My DS always very positively responds if I try to see his point of view, he then turns and acknowledges my view all by him self, and we usually ended up with compromise, naturally.
Good luck, I hope it works.

Good luck Shari. If he's using the computer for valid educational purposes then I guess he's right...it's not just a "toy". Boy I love how they are so good at validating their points so young

I don't agree. If computer is something that is dear to him, then I think it is the perfect consequence to unacceptable behavior. At that age, kids should know that hitting is not acceptable, period. Your son understands that hitting is wrong, and as long as he knows the consequences ahead of time, then I think taking away the computer is fair. He is in charge and in control of this happening. No hitting, computer time. Hitting, no computer. I think this would stop that behavior short.

When my dd was little, she used to ask me what the consequence would be if she did x behavior. Then she would decide if doing it was worth the price she would have to pay for it. It usually wasn't!