Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional What is going on?!!! Need help, please!!

We just had a HORRIBLE day yesterday with homeschooling DS8, and in fact the whole year has been pretty rough.

I think there have been two problems for us:

1) He never really committed to school this year. The phrase "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" was never so true as it is for homeschooling! Do whatever you can to get your child invested in the process. Allow him to pick topics for study. Let him choose which book to read and which subject to work on first. Anything to get him into.

2) I was reviewing too much and underchallenging him. Little wonder that he was acting out! Kids can get just as bored if Mom moves too slowly as they can with any other teacher. I picked up the pace and we had a much better day.

Also, be sure you're not asking for too much of your DS's time. This may not be a problem for you, but I think it pays to remember that in a 1-on-1 teaching situation, his brain pretty much always has to be on. It's very intense for a 6yo. When DS8 was that age, we did roughly 3.5 hours of work 4 days a week and that was PLENTY for the academic subjects! Even at age 8, we're not doing much more than that. So don't overdo it.

Hang in there. Talk more if you need to. I know I've been calling upon my support network lately!

JenSMP - what do you think of these?

more physical activity => better sleeping, perhaps?

what kind of fun can you have on your "fall break"?

Hi,

My DS is just a toddler and I know this website is not really for advice about supplements, but since you specifically asked -- I saw a remarkable difference in him in the week around when I started him on a vitamin E supplement (just a cup of chocolate flavored almond milk every day, which he thinks of as a treat). Kids are all so unique in their genetics and what they eat etc (one might be right to say my toddler just had a coincidental development spurt that week) that its a shot in the dark for me to even mention it. But I was taken aback at the difference, I started not looking for behavior change but just worrying he wasn't getting enough vitamin E as its mainly in nuts and spinach type veggies, and I had read something suggesting kids were generally not getting enough. The main difference that week was an improvement in tolerance of frustration, and seeming a bit mellower, so that he didn't get to the totally frustrated level quite as fast or often.

I chose almond milk over a pill as there is more than one chemical version of vitamin E and I hoped a natural product would have more complexity than a supplement, be more food-like.

Random abstract of a study showing over half of 2-5 year olds (in their study location in Nebraska) have questionable vitamin E levels:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/...ubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum

Hey you could always try it first on you... do a study of one....see if your time-to-frustrate-with-Home-School-teaching gets longer, LOL.

I think of myself as a 6 year old and I can not imagine my parents having success home schooling me. I would have just said no no no, whereas at school at least the teacher was a authority figure I didn't feel quite as comfortable arguing with. School was boring and I didn't learn much until high school, but I'm also glad I didn't have a reason to feel conflict with my mom. I would imagine home schooling would work wonderfully for some kids and not well for some others (like me.)

Polly

LOL - Can you get a sitter and spend some time in the 'one year ahead' classroom so you can see what the goal is? I think 'hard cold facts' are the best way to counteract worry.

You don't sound horrible at all. If your son is acting bad enough to discourage playdates, then he is acting pretty bad.

It's great that you and your DH have a parenting book that you both like - so nice to be 'on the same page.'

I think that they are big into letting the child 'own' the problem, and you sort of being the consultant, yes? I think that follows with the idea of needing to 'detox' after a difficult time in school and letting your son find his spark again.

Maybe an 'intrum session' on meditation to relax you and teach your son some valuable life lessons?

How long since the homeschooling started?
How many hours a day were you trying to get accomplished?

Celebrate that you get to face up to your fears about having to prove that homeschooling is the right choice, or that you can teach him, or whatever is behind the idea that you should be able to do this correctly. The schools couldn't do it correctly, so why should you? Lots of us gifties have really, really unrealistic ideas about what we should be able to accomplish in this world. Having no reasonable 'frame of reference' makes it tough!

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I feel your pain here, but I really think that very small doses is what is called for.

We do have space for him to play but he is not very independent. For him, being the social creature that he is, solo activities are pointless. [/quote]
Yep! Although I'm all for 'no TV' during the school day, I think that for a kid like this, educational videos at his readiness level is ok to use as part of his day.

Are there any homeschool social times or homeschool physical education classes you can sign him up for?


Yippee! That's a really big deal!

Yup, my DH thinks that everything is my fault. Maybe he doesn't think this on the inside, but he just says it in a 'knee-jerk' kind of manner. Way to be supportive dear! Was he planning on cutting back his work schedule to take on some of the burden? Actually, I think that working with DH to find an 'aftersupper' topic (Math, the Stockmarket, a 2nd language, anything you find boring...) is really a great idea. So glad he came up with it.

What I hate about this kind of suggestions, is that they don't lead anywhere. If I say, 'hey, maybe you are stressed and need more time off' you can arrange more time off and do deep breathing. If someone says, 'oh, that's because you are his Mom' what are you going to do? Go to the Judge and ask for emancipated Minor status? Hire a private tutor? Hey, your DH comes up with a lot of great ideas! I'm starting to like him!

Smiles,
Grinity

First off, we are not homeschoolers but I do afterschool and homeschool all summer. (our last summer was 11 weeks- a long summer!) I completely understand what you mean about progressive learning. I think it's hard for people who are new to homeschool in general, to really understand that learning is going on all the time. Kriston talked me down from my proverbial ledge last spring when we considered homeschooling!

We also tested my son when he was 5 because we were told repeatedly that he had ADHD. According to everyone except his teachers then, he does not. He was just annoyed, bored and anxious from repeatedly getting in trouble.

Tough love first- I think you need to step back and figure out how HE learns best, not what is the easiest way for you to teach. It might be unexpected. My son loves loves the computer. I think it's weird to not do worksheets. I've had to learn to adjust to that! I give him a math worksheet on the computer and he's thrilled. On paper at the table and he's whiny and it's "too hard."

Next, realize that there is value and learning in every adventure. Grinity has good suggestions about visiting a class a year ahead. You can also read "What your ___ grader needs to know" or look at your state standards. I suspect you'll have an eye opening "he knew that two years ago" kind of moment.

For managing the day to day, I also have a social one who does not play alone. Kriston told me my goal for the summer should be getting him to play alone and she was totally right and it seriously CHANGED OUR LIVES! I started by hanging up a "20 things to do when I'm bored" list. I would warn him 30, 15 and 5 min before I had to leave him "alone" for a few minutes. We started with 10 min, worked up to 30. If he can't find something to do, then I'll pick off the list- not all of which is good stuff but it serves as a reminder! We also use audiobooks a lot. He can move, jump, play, fidget or whatever while listening to the story.

Consider finding ways around the ants in the pants problem. Have him sit on an exercise ball at the table to do writing or typing. Do math outside on the swings. Do science at the zoo with a camera etc. Use whatever tools you can to make learning less about "school" and more about stretching his brain.

Wow. this got longer than I meant it to be! Hang in there!

Haha! I think my dh just meant that ds pulls crap with me that he wouldn't try with a "teacher."

Great suggestions! Thank you allvery much!

We had just the opposite. DS pulls stuff with teachers that he wouldn't dream of trying with DH, let alone ME. ((wink))

Thankfully, DS tests all the boundaries at home, but plays it straight in school. If I had a choice, I'd definitely pick what we have. His sister's come close to becoming an only child once or twice, but at least we don't have to worry about his behavior with teachers.