Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Homeschooling - for 'safety' reasons?

Safety reasons probably isn't an accurate description, but it's all I could come up with. Has anyone made the decision to homeschool primarily for reasons of safety (or lack thereof) in schools, or social reasons such as exposure to things that are in conflict with your family's....values? I'm not even really referring to curriculum or teaching, but rather from the kids?

Truthfully, I can't say that as of right now, I worry about safety at school, but more as he gets into middle school. The school system here isn't the greatest, but he's got a great teacher this year and I hope he'll have the same good fortune next year.

I guess what I'm feeling is that DS is encountering things that are beyond his years, and to some extent, little pieces of his...innocence are being chipped away. What we feel childhood should be isn't really what it seems some other kids of about the same age are doing. Obviously, what's right for us isn't for everyone else and I don't have a problem with that, but how can I keep my kid from growing up faster than he's ready for if that's where the trend seems to be heading? I don't want him in a box with no exposure to anything, but just the opportunity to be a kid w/o having to worry about things that are beyond his years and that there will be plenty of time for as he grows up.

So, I guess I'm wondering if I'm thinking waaaay out there or if this is something that other people have decided to homeschool for.

Golly JDAx3, I think that a large percentage of homeschooler homeschool for that very reason. I'm interested to see how much of an issue it is for folks here, as so many of us are in such a scramble for the 'least worst' option that we never know what's coming next!

I know that some kids need to be with much older kids to get a shot at learning in a school environment, and that the older kids are not a good social match for some kids, value-wise and interest-wise, and that sometimes parents feel that they have to sacrafice innocence for academics, or vice versa.

Personally I believe that there are lots of 'good enough' combinations for most kids.

I've never homeschooled, but I think it's great for kids socially, academically, and a great way for families to pass on their true values. Plus it sounds like fun!

I expected to hate my son's Middle School years, but they were so much better than the elementary years that I just loved them (mostly) What I love about Middle School is that the teachers usually specialise in their subjects and can share that excitement, and that the students are (finally) being encouraged to think abstractly! Socially it was a larger group at the public school, and DS found some really good and interesting kids to hang out with.

Smiles,
Grinity

Dear JDAx3,

This is certainly one among the reasons we are homeschooling (we have done from the beginning--the lads have never been in school). It is also the primary reason we moved house several years ago: among other interesting happenings in our old neighbourhood, four (very nice, really) little boys on our former street were fond of staging mock executions (blindfolds, kneeling, toy guns to backs of heads) on the boulevard out in front of our house. Their mothers thought this was cute and funny; I did not. This was not our vision of childhood, and we called our realtor and got ourselves out to the country.

I don't want them living in a box, either, and I worry a bit sometimes, because, really, my boys are having a 1940s sort of a childhood in a lot of ways. They read lots of (mostly older) books, they go hiking with their friends, they're interested in fishing, they play board games with each other, they do lots of woodworking and leatherworking projects, they have chores in the garden and with the animals, they participate in our big family singalongs and volunteer at our community hall; they don't watch TV (the odd DVD is OK--maybe one every couple of weeks in the winter), they use the computer hardly at all (Google Earth, Dancemat typing, Word Perfect), nobody has any video games or iPod thingys (I don't even have a cell phone!)....

I dunno. They seem really happy to me the vast majority of the time, and I do feel as though their innocence has been preserved to an appropriate extent for their ages (4, 6, and 8). Things may change a bit as we go along, I guess, but I'm not so sure that they are missing a lot by not being exposed to the amount of crappy pop culture, materialism, vulgarity, whatever, that seemed to constitute quite a bit of what we saw (from the outside, admittedly) as the experience of childhood where we used to live. Sensitivity, thoughtfulness, consideration, moderation, independence, ability to think for oneself, all seem like values worth inculcating to me, and in our own individual circumstances, homeschooling seemed one way to help do this. Of course one can still do those things with kids who go to school, but one doesn't have to spend so much time battling the dominant culture, was our way of thinking.

Thoughts of a washed-up old hippie, I guess....

peace
minnie

This isn't why we're homeschooling, but it is a nice side benefit. Both my kids are "blenders". They both want to be part of the crowd in a group setting. My DS8 constantly seemed to be on the cusp of regular trouble making at school. He is really a mellow, easy going kid as a homeschooler. My 5 year old daughter would come home from preschool crying if the slightest thing went wrong at school socially. I personally felt a lot of stress during my elementary years just trying to fit in.

Anyway, I actually loved the community and parent base of our school, but didn't like all the things I saw on the playground and in the hall way. I had no issue with the teachers or the curriculum except for the fact that my child didn't learn much if anything the 2 years he was there. And if either of my kids wanted to go back to school, I'd search and try to find something that would at least give them a good shot.

My younger child has all the smart mouth my almost 9 year old has though and is definitely more "worldly" than he was as a young 5, just by virtue of being a 2nd child. So I totally agree with CFK! I guess it's not so much about "safety" for us, as it is about them just being safe and comfortable in their own skin.

I'm not a homeschooler myself, but one of my friends is a homeschooler and one is considering it. The reason you give seems to be an important factor in their reasoning.

I would want this for DS, but honestly, I worry that social issues would outweigh the benefit of this. I do tend to overworry alot about my DS, although, I keep it mostly in my head so as not to project on to him.

Yep, these types of things happen here, as well. Relocating is not an option for us, though. I don't mind 'gunplay' so much when it's reminiscent of cops and robbers or army or whatever - but the re-enactments of what's seen in movies/TV/videos that I most definitely don't let my DS watch is over the (my) line, imo. You know, the kids all get together and play with the dart guns and it doesn't have that vicious, raw violence feel to it - to me anyway. There is just so much violence and mean-ness out there and it's affecting the children at younger and younger ages.

Uhh, we use all these things. But seriously, our belief is everything in moderation. And we make it a point to be involved and know what's going on. Not so much the helicopter syndrome, but for example, we check on DS at the playground across the street, just to see that everything is going along OK, or to recognize if there's a situation in which my DS is behaving in a manner that's inconsistent with our values or what we've tried to instill in him. We check to make sure he's safe, but also that he's behaving as he should.

I believe that social skills and how to treat people are not skills with which teaching ends at 3 years old. There are always new social situations that present and require knowledge of how to handle them, and we try to provide that for DS.

Oh, most definitely. And I don't expect that he won't find out or be exposed to these things just as we all were at one time or another. And I'm also not naive enough to think that he doesn't/hasn't share(d) info he's acquired, even if we've told him it's not his place to do so. But we do try to preserve the childhood and not concern him with things that he has no need for at the various ages, kwim? And it seems so upsetting to him sometimes (depending on the info he's learned), I think because he knows that it's probably not age appropriate, however, now he knows it. Does that make sense? I guess it's like knowing something and then wishing you really didn't...

LOL, DS is an only, so we don't have quite the same thing. However, there are times that things come out of his mouth and I can usually figure out where/from whom he heard it. It's not all bad and we just use those times as teaching opportunities. Then, there are the times that I'm shocked and think I'm never letting him leave the house again because I just can't believe that things like (whatever it might have been) are out there...instead, we try to learn from those too. <sigh>

I've talked with several homeschool/charter teachers about this subject. Every single one of them has pointed out that traditional school kids after a certain age stop doing things like playing with dolls with their school friends even though they will still play with them in other situations. They develop a social mask of what is considered "appropriate" behavior for a child of their age and gender in their school. Homeschooled children tend to not develop masks like this among themselves because groups are normally mixed age and more accepting of such things, although might for mixed social groups like scouts. It allows them to keep their childhood longer in my opinion.

Academic fit was our main reason for picking homeschooling, but this factor is also an important one for me. Considering how Wolf works I want him to have the option to BE a child and play like a child for as long as he can/needs to instead of being forced out of it by school social pressures.

Very interesting topic. I would love for my ds5 not to be exposed to the crappy pop culture, materialism, vulgarity, and more than a few other things of the mainstream. Certainly I already feel like the battle is on now that he has starting K in PS. I also don't want him to "develop a mask" as described above either.

I'd like to flip the question from the original post. For those who have chosen not to homeschool (for whatever reason) how do you "keep your DC safe" from those things they are exposed to that are not in line with your values?

- EW

p.s. JDAx3, I liked the thoughts you already shared for your strategy: moderation + not helicopter, but keep a close eye...

I homeschool, but not for those reasons. I believe that kids need to learn to live in the world around them, and it is my job to teach them how to filter and interpret that world. As a matter of fact, I send my 7th grade daughter (13) to school for one subject and lunch just to keep her exposed to her friends and the "real world." We are lucky that she has a good group of friends whose values match hers.
I homeschool her because of the lack of academic peers for her. The middle school here was not willing to make any accommodation for her level and rate of learning, so I pulled her out.
She loves the mix of school and home, and I am glad that it keeps her in touch with "regular" kids her own age.

I'll second (sixth, whatever) that keeping one's dc's "innocence" in today's youth culture is a big motivator for many homeschoolers. That and having a chance at passing on whatever the parents' morals and values are. It's one (of many) factors as to why we homeschool.

I actually know of a lady who brings her 11yo dd down to our rural county (from a VERY large metro area) once a month, to expose her to a less consumeristic, more innocent lifestyle and worldview. They participate in our homeschool activities and small town environment when they are here. She's just trying to keep her Dd at "11" vs. "11-going-on-31" like many of her age peers.

That said, environment is *key* to any of these relationships. We were just discussing today how the youth at the church we left several months ago were *so* age-segregated, clickish, and generally difficult to work with. Dd, being bright and the ONLY girl in her age group, tended to gravitate to a slightly older group of girls (10-11 to her 8-9yo). They completely rejected her, based on age alone. (She eventually rejected them, based on maturity...)

In our new church, we don't see these behaviors. All of the youth - from 3rd grade up to high school - seem to get along, enjoy each other's company, etc. They *are* segregated for classes, of course, in very broad age groups (like pre-readers, high-school, and everyone else). But, the atmosphere is so very different.

So, it's not just the public education system that can be the source of problems - any group environment can make or break a child's innocence.

From my personal experience, it was primarily dance classes....