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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,743
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,743 |
Thank you all so much. I'm new at all this and need a lot of venting. I feel a little panicked. It helps so much to have your comments. It's great to hear things can change. So far, I have not been upset with DH to the point of criticizing him. When I started trying to understand all this gifted stuff I had no idea how complex it is. I just dove in and he see me spending a lot of time on this. It's a little like a reaction that would take place if I was spending all day playing video games while he is at work. He's just not in it as thick as I am. Some days he gets the gifted stuff and other days I wonder who's world is he living in? I'm looking at schools we can't afford and he doesn't understand why. Well I say keep trying to figure out what would work for him maybe somehow we can make it work. Or at least learn what could be done.
I was thinking that we would have a better begginning with this year at school and yet I'm feeling like we have a long way to go.
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 701
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 701 |
Too, you have to realize that MOST people send their kids to school when they're supposed to go to school and don't think too much about curriculum appropriateness and whether their child is being challenged enough. They don't have to. School does tend to operate well for the majority of kids. So, your husband may not know any others of his parent friends that give much thought to the whole school thing. We have lots of friends whose kids are plenty smart, but they just feel content. And, admit it, it CAN be hard to go against the grain and do a little rabblerousing to get what we need for our kids. Maybe your husband just isn't used to much rabblerousing!
Funnily enough, even though I knew our kids were gifted and needed some accelerations, I'm the one in the family who doesn't like to make waves. My DH was always saying to "just tell them that they need to do it!" I was much more worried about rubbing people the wrong way and more concerned about being polite throughout the process. So, obviously I don't know your DH, but maybe he agrees with the need but is just more laid back in his approach.
On the other hand, I feel the need to read everything I can get my hands on so that I feel prepared to defend against any challenge anyone may bring up. My DH, though, is confident enough in his own assessments that he feels no need to read about all the specifics. Truth be told, I AM the one who ends up in conversations with people about school, just by virtue of the fact that moms talk amongst themselves a bit more than dads do. So, I do have to have well-researched thoughts on the issues and my DH just does not.
She thought she could, so she did.
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 70
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 70 |
I think my DH 'gets it' more than I do in some ways, and less in others. He was much like my sons are, whereas school went at a reasonable pace for me. What he doesn't get, however, is why I haven't somehow managed to get the school to accommodate them better. When he is back in the country in a few months, I think he will need to go in and talk to the teachers himself, before things get busy again. No complaining allowed if he isn't willing to follow through and do a better job, right? That is my theory, at least.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 312
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 312 |
Ok, so my DH brought it up today which really surprised me. He basically concluded though that he was bored and didn't like school, but he had to go and he survived and he is very successful, so why are we even giving our son a choice? We need to just tell him to get thru it. And he said if he comes home absolutely miserable every day like last year, we can pull him (I should mention he does not want him accelerated or anything. He wants him to just cope by making friends and making it a social event). I can't even begin to wrap my mind around this (IMO) illogical statement. How can I respond? Please write it out in dialog form so I can just read it to him as my own thoughts are probably not appropriate. 
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529 |
DH gave me the school-for-social-benefit argument once or twice. I finally said something like this to him: Imagine you were in a new town and you wanted to make friends. You decided, since you like and are interested in medicine, to sign up for a class in medicine to meet other people who are also interested in medicine. But when you show up to the class, it was beyond basic. The teacher repeats things you have known for years over and over again and expects you to do the most inane exercises to show that you learned the material. But that's okay, because you're really just there to make friends. Right?
Now, imagine that you aren't even allowed to talk to the other participants, except for a few minutes before and after the class. When you try to talk during class time, you get in trouble. But that's okay, because you do have a few minutes to talk to the other participants. Right?
Now, imagine that the class goes for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, for twelve years (except, thankfully, for summers). Imagine the other participants are all working at their own levels, learning things and being challenged, but not once is something taught that you don't already know. Are you still okay with that?
Do you think you could make it through one 6-hour class of that sort without starting to act out? Do you think that you'd end up making friends? Or do you think you'd just annoy the crap out of everyone because you'd be making trouble asking question after question, fidgeting, drawing pictures on your work, and reading books under the table?
Do you really think that this would be the best way to make friends? Do you really think that this would be anything other than a monumental waste of your time? No? Then why do you think this is an acceptable way for DD to spend her time and make friends? I think that got the point across pretty well. 
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,167
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,167 |
The day our DYS letter hit the mailbox was the day the arguments ended. Up until then DP just wanted to pretend DS was "normal".
Shari
Mom to DS 10, DS 11, DS 13
Ability doesn't make us, Choices do!
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