Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Do you ever just feel sad for your...

your kid(s)? I don't know that it's related to the whole gifted thing or if it's related to some other things beyond our control, but it just seems that DS hasn't ever found that one friend who just gets him. Granted, he's only 9, but still. I'm sure that a lot of kids don't get him and he's easily bored or tires of some other kids, however, I just wish there was someone who understood him or was similar enough to...I don't even know what.

Lately, DS has been saying that he wishes he had a twin who liked the same things he did so that there would always be someone for him to play with. I explained to him that just because he would have a sibling doesn't mean they'd always want to play together - I think what he wants is a clone .

Anyway, just thinking out loud or on the keyboard as it were...

My DS9 has not found his good buddy yet. He has some catching up to do socially. He get jealous of his sister's social ease. It's hard.

I borrowed a book from the library but didn't read it yet. The unwritten rules of Friendship. Might have some good tips. I'm sure there are other good sources available.

Try getting him into some activities where he will have things in common with others. Ex. Chess Club. I think one on one playdates are a great way to encourage friendship. It's a process and sometimes hard....

Sometimes just doing something/anything will help you and your child.

Best wishes.

I do feel sad for DS6. He does not have many close friends and he just starting attending a new school with less than 10 kids and currently has no friends. I feel very sad for him.

Absolutely, my DS8 has not found any true good friends yet either. And like onthegomom's son, my son is jealous of his younger sister's social abilities. When he has friends over they often end up playing with her! He did find one kid this year and they seemed to really hit it off. They seemed to have the same sense of humor etc. and there was an unprecedented flurry of playdates. Then he tells me on Monday that the boy doesn't want anything to do with him but doesn't know why and won't ask....sigh...

Yes, we worked very hard with ds9 over this last summer to get him some 'social skills training', because he was sad about the whole 'not fitting in' thing, as were we. This was a result of different interests, a tendency to go into great detail on things he cares about but to tune out when others are talking about their interests, that sort of thing.

While he is not completely Mr. Suave overnight, I have seen some improvement, we are focusing on having friends over much more often and I think he is beginning to see himself that there is improvement. The other day we went to boy scouts and someone ds has been lukewarm about just came running over and said 'Awesome! Hi!' to ds, I said 'Gee that's the second time that boy has been so enthusiastic to see you, I really think you ought to give him a chance...well, turns out they both really like Bionicles, this guy picked ds as his hiking buddy right away, and was just enthusiastic and fun; interested in sticks and bugs, etc. So, while all along I've been thinking ds is being rejected, somewhat it has been a reluctance on ds' side for making connections...

Breakaway, is this a boy at the same school? Last year our school's counselor was able to help ds and another boy work through some communication difficulties which looked to ds like he was loosing a friend, but turned out he was just physically crowding the other guy. Once they got that sorted out it turns out the other boy really wants to be his friend and they have a lot in common.

Wow, it seems as if it's not just me, . Making friends is hard enough for kids, but I think it's only magnified when one feels so different.

DS has friends/acquaintances that he plays with, but there's just not that *one*, you know? I'm reminded of that Mastercard commercial for back to school and the last line is something like "being with people who understand you....priceless".

Now, I'm going to have to look that commercial up....

Thanks Chris,

I imagine my son was/is probably doing the same (physically crowding). This seems to be his biggest issue in not making friends and we are working hard on learning to respect other's space. He is also quick to think the worst though. For example he told me a boy in his class was mean to him and I asked what he meant and he said "Well yesterday we played and today when I came in he just said Hi but not really excitedly." So when he says the other boy is avoiding him it is hard to tell what is really going on.
He just started doing social skills training with the adjustment counselor so hopefully that will help. Thanks for the advice!

I was wondering if other gifted kids had that issue. My son loves to touch and hug other kids and they can't back away fast enough. It is sad to watch them struggle to make friends.

My DS6 has the same issues. He has made one really good bond when he was 4 in his old Montessori school with a sweet girl who was almost 2 years older than him at the time - they were two peas in a pod and she was kind of like the mother hen for him, they did everything together and he adored her. When she graduated up he was devastated and has yet to really find that same bond again. He has a "best" friend that is 2 years older than him now but they really don't have the same interests and when DS starts talking about all his interests his buddy just kind of tunes him out. We found a really great kid across our state through a gifted parent group we joined and the two of them seem like twins with all their interests but they are 2 hours apart and rarely get to see each other....so I feel sad quite a bit when I see other children who just flit around and have no issues and then I see my little guy who SO badly wants to find someone who has the same love of weather, rockets, trains, coins.....so you are not alone!