Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Newcomer- venting

Hi Everyone,

I had been a lurker here and joined today just to vent in hope that it will be received well and will take some of my stress off.

I am a mom of DS4 who we suspect is gifted but yet to be tested for the same. His school is calling us to meet to discuss his issues. My husband and I want to remain positive and help him work through his issues in the school but it is very disheartening for us to hear his teacher go to great lengths about his negatives without talking about his positives even once. A part of me wants to ignore all his teacher is saying and think that his teacher dislikes him because he is so bright afterall he is the youngest in his class and is acting his age adjusting in the new class. I feel like shutting off my brain when his teacher talks and let it all go down the drain but not sure if its such a good idea. I feel like I am raising a kid with some sort of disability and am tired of pointing to people that he is acting like a bright boy which he is and why are they expecting him to behave like a bright girl.

sorry if I vent too long, just needed a listening ear, thats all

Hugs, that sounds hard. We had a few similar issues with DS at nursery - although I'm happy to say that the staff dealing with him seemed more perceptive than your DS's teacher, and continued to perceive his good qualities as well as the problems! They did use time-outs which we didn't use or approve of, but we reckoned that asking them not to was probably a step too far (we did tell them that we didn't use them at home, though, which may have influenced what they did with DS). What we found helped was talking to DS-then-3 quite explicitly about what time-outs were, why some people used them, why we didn't, etc., chiefly dwelling on the fact that at home we had plenty of time to talk to him about issues but at nursery the staff were dealing with lots of other children as well and might not have enough time to talk. There's a fine line to tread between recognising one's own child's normality and trying to get other people to recognise it too, and helping one's child to fit into environments that can be quite different from home. Good luck.

Hi joys,

Two links that may be helpful in getting ready to talk with the teacher:

http://www.kellybear.com/TeacherArticles/TeacherTip35.html

http://www.qagtc.org.au/charprob.htm

If the second link seems to apply, you might be able to use the tip mentioned in the first link, and bring the chart along to share

Good luck--I hope it goes well!
Tam

joys this is so hard...i guess the first question is this: Is he getting enough out of the experience to justify the stress it is causing you and the possible harm it may cause him to be in an environment where he is viewed as devient. Preschool can be great but i just dont buy that it is essential to a child's proper development. grinity

We did that last year that is explaining him that the teacher is the authority and he needs to abide by the classroom rules. I don't know if he started behaving well because he eventually understood the rules or because the teacher eventually realized that he was advanced and started challenging him. Now with the start of the new academic year and a new teacher, we are back at where we started. I don't know what lies in the future for us, its exhausting to see this getting repeated every year but yah we'll try, thanks for the support!

wow! this apply so much. DH actually tried hinting to the teacher that DS4 is advanced so that he can get some challenging work. But it was not well received, instead that resulted in the beginning of the negative saga. Also DS4 is yet to be tested so I don't know if we quote him as gifted, will they buy it? His previous teacher was not willing to let him try double digit addition on parents night saying that was advanced work and when I said oh, let him try as he is already doing it at home, the expression at her face was priceless as if we are not good parents or we have said something really bad.

We know DS4 is super sensitive to fairness issues. We have observed in his play-dates that he gets frustrated and at times angry when he sees other children not following the rules we expect him to follow. I will quote an incident : He knows that he is not supposed to take others toys without asking "May I please have it". Now we had this other kid over and the moment he entered the house he started playing with DS4's toys without asking. DS4 got so upset that he wanted that kid to go away almost immediately. We reapeatedly told him that he should share and he is good at sharing but he was not ready to listen and had a huge melt-down. Later that night before bedtime when I asked him why he was not ready to share, he said that the other kid didnot ask him to share, he was not behaving properly and why we didnot say anything to him.

I work full time so school was the best option for us. He is going to a private school which has excellent reputation in the area and he likes it, thats what he says. As far as learning goes, he usually masters a new skill before the teacher introduces it so no nothing new learning other than social interaction.

Hi Newcomer - I don't come here often, but saw your post and thought I should add my 2 cents here. Our daughter is 12 now, but the description of your son's preschool years sound very much like hers. We seem to be 8 years ahead of you on this road. My suggestion would be to get him tested so that you have the score. Know that teachers (I've been one) don't learn anything about what giftedness is when they go through college. Many have a very negative idea about what it is. Before your son starts his elementary school years, you need to explore what the possible school does with gifted kids - are they OK with accelerating, or do they believe that kids need to stay with age peers? Do they allow single-subject acceleration - if your son needs to go to an older classroom for one or more subjects, would they set up a schedule that would allow that? Our d ended up in a school with an administrator and teachers who were dead-set against any kind of acceleration. They had no understanding of the different levels of giftedness. When she became emotional because of the bad educational environment, they blamed it on her "inability to adapt to the increased demands of 2nd grade". She had taught herself multiplication, how to work with negative numbers, fractions... and she read at a high school level. It truly felt like we had been dropped into an insane world. You can't be too careful about picking out an elementary school. If you can get into a school that has a gifted consultant or director, that would help. We are on a first name basis with the one we have. She's arranged subject accelerations and a grade skip that we never would have been able to get alone. Preschool is probably something you will just have to get through, unless you are lucky enough to get people who are open to learning about giftedness.

Ah yes, I remember it well. I've BTDT on the working and on having my child in a very well regarded school and concluding that it 'must be ok' because isn't my child 'normal enough?' Turned out that my child wasn't really normal enough. The school really was a good school, just not good for him.

Your son totally needs to be in a classroom where the teacher is able to comprehend that children have a variety of 'ready to learn' levels, and your son's level is where it is. You don't need a test or a professional to draw this teacher a picture, you don't need to know what will happen in the future, you just need to believe that he needs to be taught at his readiness level NOW. If there is any heavenly way for your to do this, then it IS your responsibility as a parent. ((sorry, I know it's not fair or pretty))

I would request a meeting with the teacher immediately, and inform her that if she isn't willing to at least sit with you and look at what your child is doing 'for fun' at home, then you will have to keep going up the chain until you find someone who is willing to listen to your important information.

((did you have to commit to pay for the whole year at this place?))

No wonder you are venting! I need to vent just from hearing this story!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I have to vent as well. My son was 3 when he started the school he is in now and was far more advanced academically then the other kids. Now it seems like he's not learning anything more than just social skills. The problem is he doesn't care to socialize with the kids in his class. I just say he treats them like co-workers!