Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Explosive Child and/or Nurtured Heart approach

We used the Explosive Child techniques along with advice from our psychologist, and it was perfect for our daughter. There has been a 180 degree difference with this approach.

With that being said, you need to determine what works best with your child. There is no wrong or right approach.

I remember back during the terrible-twos going through the entire "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" system and thinking it was a bunch of baloney. At that time, I couldn't imagine how any parent had success with that. It was then that I realized my daughter was her own person and that approach just did NOT work.

What works for one kid (who may even have the same "profile" as your child), may not work for yours.

Do what feels right to you. Also, do what is successful based on your measures of success, not anyone else's.

I have been reading this post with a lot of interest because we have been looking at the 2 options as well with our child...the old 123 book just didn't do much for us and DS6 is just too darn smart and seems to outsmart whatever program we attempt :-) so thanks for a great post

renie 1 - you caught my attention when you wrote "it finally explained what to do when she did not accept praise"...I thought we were alone in dealing with this issue...DS6 has from day one had a big issue with praise and compliments. He actually seems to get upset when we tell him we are proud of him or when he did an awesome job on something.

hi belle,
diito my DD5 seemed to get upset too at compliments and would start acting up immediately after. extremely frustrating. The Nurtured Heart Approach has taught me to comment on what actually IS, as opposed to how good I think something is..

For example, i used to say "great job writing that letter R" and she'd say "no its not, i started at the bottom instead of the top."..
Now I've learned to say somethign like "I noticed you wrote a letter R".. (no judgment, indisputable FACT).

its a subtle difference but so far has worked really well with her. i would have never thought of it.
irene

Hi Belle!
I love the NHA stories about a mom who had to wake her son up after an hour of sleep to say nice things about him - that's how fixed an image this kid had about himself not being worthy of compliments. Of course gifted kids have it worse because they are so much more aware - in such greater detail - of what real adult product looks like than a ND (normally developing) kid.

Love and more Love,
Grinity

Hi,

I just looked in Amazon about the Nurtured Heart book and for what I could read this approach is quite similar to the Kazdin method. I have his book and I like it very much, but it is not specially written for 'intense' or 'bright' children.

http://www.alankazdin.com/

What I found with the Explosive Child Method was validation and some strength to keep going. I was facing a school that while working with me, seemed to have already formed a negative opinion of my son, and I felt like I was constantly having to repeat that he was a good kid and he needed help.

The beginning of that book scared me a little because my son wasn't as intense as the examples in it, but I moved past them and found my favorite phrase of all time. I will paraphrase (though it will seem completely common sense to some of you):

A child will do well if the child can.

Simple as that. If the child has been scolded twenty times for the same thing, you can assume that the child understands they are not supposed to do it; therefore, scolding does not help. It attacks the issues as actual executive function skill deficiencies and walks you through how to hold the right type of compromise situations so that you can teach your child (and yourself) proper problem solving techniques. This simple information helped me regrow my backbone and jump into the fray again. And this year, no one questions that my kids are good kids, they help me to try to find ways to help them be their best.:)

Anyway, I'm glad the counselor has helped and I hope things keep going well.

I don't know much about either approach (though I really should as BOTH of my DC have over the top tantrums). However, I did watch Primetime last night, and while I KNEW all about the methods they discussed, it was more "real" for me to actually see it rather than read it.

My biggest issue, which has been part of the problem since DS5.5 (the "difficult" child) was a baby, is following through and being consistent. Regardless of what method you use to raise your children, nothing will work without those two things.

You described me and my issues with DS5.5's outbursts!!! Like him, I have intensity issues and often find myself kicking my own self for my reactions. This only leaves both of my DC nothing but confused.

Thanks Artana! That is exactly how I approached my DS13 for 12.5 years. However, I think that in many cases, it just isn't so, and I worry.

I used to go to bed crying sometimes because I couldn't figure this out. Out of my 3 girls, she was the only one to be so intense and have issues, so I know it wasn't my parenting skills. It wasn't a "goodness of fit" mismatch between my temperament and hers. We just so happened to have very similar emotional intensities. My own mom failed to show me how to deal with them, so at 38 years old I had to learn alongside her.

I took her to a neuropsych to help...and her best advice was about teaching her to recognize and cope with her emotions using social stories along with some SPD therapy I did at home and ballet and yoga to help calm her and working on what she learned between meltdowns. Oh, and feeding her protein and building in a lot of downtime after social interactions (for both of us!).

It has helped a great deal. Not that we don't ever have issues, but nothing to the degree we once had.